Stifling the Fire

Many go through life angry at something or someone, captive of a fire which rises undaunted through the cooling chambers of rationality eating away all that is pleasant and peaceful in their world.
In itself, anger is an irrational emotion; it literally takes over the individual and morphs the old self into a different person. If we really take a good look at an angry person objectively, all we see is someone deeply fearful.
We like to picture an angry person as a monster, someone we need to fight, but anger is, in reality, just an impressive and intimidating mask hiding a deeply embedded fear. A person who’s afraid of being alone will get angry at her partner for being late because she is afraid her partner is no longer interested in her company; the religious or political radical who goes around spewing righteous judgment and hatred against those who don’t agree with his views is nothing more than a fearful man who doubts his own beliefs, and needs people to agree with him to reconfirm those beliefs to himself.
So, should we condone others lashing out at us, simply because we understand they are victims of their own fears? Certainly not, but understanding that someone is angry in response to their own shortcomings, weaknesses, fears and doubts is an important tool to realize that we shouldn’t feel responsible for their outbursts. We can reassure them once, but apologizing for their twisted perception only enables the drama and allows it to thrive.
Two of the first weapons angry people use are guilt and shame; they dig deep, hoping to get a reaction which will justify their irrational position, and will go to great lengths to trigger the same emotion in their opponent. If their efforts don’t bear fruit – as we don’t allow the skin of our emotional response to break – their fire will simply mirror back to them, bringing the heat such an unbearable level that it will have to defuse itself rapidly in the name of self-preservation.
After all, others can throw the ball; whether we choose to catch it, and play the game, is ultimately up to us.

Watering Weeds

The tie between water and emotions is found in many spiritual traditions. In Yoruba belief, for example, the Orisha of love – known as Erzulie or Oshun depending on geographical variations – is associated to the flowing sweet waters of rivers, streams and lakes. Her sister Yemaya, the goddess of the salty waters of the ocean, is associated with motherhood and nurturing. In the Catholic faith, several Saints are also associated with water and healing.
If one thinks of it, the analogy between water and emotions proves to be quite remarkable. Water is the most important nourishment our body craves; deep emotions and nurturing are the main sustainers our minds crave in the quest to feeling whole.
A plant will stop thriving when not watered properly - and will eventually perish altogether if deprived entirely of moisture. Similarly, unwanted situations will begin to falter if we avoid “feeding” them with emotional responses. By allowing ourselves to open the flow of our emotions toward the things that we wish were not occurring we are in fact facilitating their existence and enabling their growth.
When someone experiences an internal void - and is unable to fill the emptiness with self love - they will often create a drama play aimed at triggering an emotional response in others; once the fire of emotions has been sparked, they will continue to replay the act, adding more details from time to time to ensure the audience remains captivated.
Quite often, once we interrupt someone’s drama by actively choosing to stop feeding it, the person directing the play will stop and regroup; they might choose to go elsewhere looking for their fix, or they might realize that they need to direct their attention inward, rather than outward. If anything, our personal energy will no longer be the unwilling victim of emotional greed and desperate hunger.
We can’t control the actions of others, but we can certainly choose how those actions will affect our very existence. After all, true power is not in stopping events from unfolding, but in deciding how those events will affect our lives and the choices we make for ourselves.

Daily Vitamins

Many people dutifully take vitamins every morning, work out and diet when needed, no matter how time consuming and sacrifice-demanding such steps often are.
The society we live in – one based largely on image and importance of the body – promotes and encourages us to go to great lengths to ensure good health and appearance; but how much time does the average individual invests in mental health and the pursuit of personal happiness?
Research has shown extensively how important it is to remain positive and seek the silver lining.
Let’s imagine that we went for a check-up, and the doctor told us that we need to go on a strict diet for health related reasons; most likely, we would anxiously listen, take the good doctor’s advice, and cut out all the foods that can affect us negatively.
What if that same doctor told us to go on a “mental diet”? Would we cut out all negative thoughts? Or would we just shrug our shoulders and keep living the same old way?
A rigorous mental diet is indeed very hard to follow; if one pays attention, it is amazing how much easier it is for us to pick up negative vibes than positive ones. It is interesting to try it for a day, and attempt to not give in to any negative thoughts for that window of time. It’s much easier to not eat!
The best way to achieve things is to follow the path of least resistance. We get frightened and anxious when facing something which appears paramount, but everybody is probably comfortable taking a few baby steps to learn how to walk.
So, the program is going to be very simple: at night time, before going to bed, let’s try to identify three positive things that happened throughout our day, and analyze briefly why they occurred. They could be extremely small things, such as a stranger smiling warmly, good news regarding someone we love, the chance to finish a book we really enjoy, a cup of exceptional coffee…the list is endless.
As simple as this regimen may appear, it works beautifully. We are used to dismiss simple things as ineffective, as we are conditioned to think that good results can only be achieved through exhausting work, and quality can only be purchased by exorbitant sums of money.
Ultimately, we can look at this exercise as a “mental vitamin”; it won’t cure all ills, but it will certainly ensure that we are taking steps toward improved health and renewed happiness.