Anger - The Mask Of Inner Fear

“Fear is a dark room where negatives develop.” ~ Author unknown

Being afraid has often been considered a weakness, so many have come to hide fear and dress it as anger and self-righteousness, since aggression is labeled as an attribute of the strong.

A few days ago I was talking to a friend whose husband faces a long battle with cancer. Although she has asserted being preoccupied with his state of health on a few occasions, her mind is usually consumed by questions of a different nature, and spends her days wondering if he is faithful to her. When she is not directly entertaining thoughts of indiscretions, she is simply angry at everybody – her children, store attendants, perfect strangers.

Since she couldn’t come up with any “evidence” that would support her doubts, I asked her why she felt so sure that her husband was doing something wrong – from all I’ve ever seen and heard he is attentive and honest.

She tried to come up with an answer, but all her mind was able to concoct was easily explainable. She had no case, yet her anger was growing by the minute; just talking about it was causing her deep distress.

It occurred to me that maybe there was more to her seething anger than what she allowed to transpire, so we dug in a little further.

After a long conversation, she finally admitted that her anger is likely produced by her fear of losing her husband and by her inability to deal with losing control of the situation.

Since her mind does not allow her – for reasons to her unknown – to face her fear of death, internal filters conveniently changed the reason of future loss to something more controllable – infidelity.

None of these defense mechanisms were obvious to her, and she truly believed what her mind led her to think, even if she could not pinpoint the origin of her devastating anger. A possibility was that if she could confirm to herself that her husband was not true to her, then she would not be as impacted by the loss of him. Anger was the fuel to stay strong and anchored, and a shield to prevent the crumbling of her inner world.

Anger is most often a symptom of something else at play. Maybe we are angry - or we are dealing with people who seem angry without a good reason – but we are unable to identify the cause. We assume that we are angry or distraught because of the reasons supplied by the conscious mind, but if one digs deeper, it is easy to find that fear is often the underlying, motivating factor.

Fear is the mother of anger. By intimidating others, and making them fearful, we feel as if we can stay in charge and control situations that are slipping through our fingers and threaten us with loss.

Facing our fears is the first step to understanding the anger that blinds our judgment and weighs down our soul.

Love Without Boundaries - A Tribute

“All that we are is a result of what we have thought: we are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy whenever they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.” ~ Buddha

As Robert Elias Najemi so eloquently states, love is very hard to define, and as with God, peace and other spiritual realities, it can be perceived more easily through the effects it creates. We cannot see the wind, but we can see its effects, such as the leaves moving, branches swaying, or the sound of air rushing. We know wind exists by its various side effects.

Love connects us to all there is, and creates a bond which allows us to wish for others as we wish for ourselves. One of the lessons love teaches us is to expand our connection to other forms of creation beyond ego limitations.

Love, need and control are often confused with one another; as Robert Najemi explains, “needy love” is not the highest form of love. It is love mixed with need, attachment and addiction. If it were pure love, and the other was happier by leaving us or even happier with someone else, we would be happy for him or her, not full of sadness for ourselves.

Loving others means wanting them to be happy, healthy and successful in the ways that they are guided to be.

Love does not create the pain we feel when someone leaves us or rejects us. That pain is generated by our dependency upon that person for our pleasure or affirmation. Needs and attachments create fear, pain and suffering. Love creates happiness, fulfillment and the experience of our True Selves.

Talking to Ode2joy, last night, really opened my eyes to the meaning of true love. As many know, Ode’s husband recently passed away after a long battle with illness, but Ode is not overcome with pain – she is filled with joy knowing that her beloved Henry is finally able to soar above the limitations of a body that wasn’t working well any more.

I had to fight back tears a few times while I listened to her – her deep, boundless love is so powerful and all-encompassing that I could feel its warmth reach all the way to my own heart. In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever been more touched and humbled by a phone conversation.

After terminating the call, I just sat back watching my children play, and felt so grateful that toward the end of a beautiful day I was blessed with such a powerful confirmation.

Thank you, Ode2joy – Henry is free and in company of angels right now, but after all, he was blessed with an angel by his side even during his time on earth.

Beyond the Bark

“Every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world's phenomena intersect, only once in this way, and never again.” ~ Herman Hesse

Although I have often affectionately been called a “tree-hugging liberal”, it wasn’t until yesterday that I turned this funny label into reality, at least in part. When a friend arranged for me to meet an old shaman, I had all sorts of images running through my mind, but nothing prepared me for what I found when we finally pulled up in the driveway of White Eagle’s humble home.

We turned off the main road into a heavily wooded patch of land, and reached the property – a small house tucked in a cloud of vibrating green, guarded with love by a cream colored dog named Big Puppy. White Eagle met us inside, and I was stunned at his appearance. As hard as I tried I couldn’t pinpoint his age, but he was much taller than I expected. He was also extremely lean, with long gray hair and a gentle smile, and very soft spoken.

After introductions and a few really interesting exchanges about healing practices, he took us outside and placed each of us in front of a pine tree. He explained that trees are much like humans, and the bark which protects them is similar to our ego. Pine trees, he said, are “wise” trees because they are flexible and their bark is open, allowing them to easily connect with other manifestations of Spirit. He told us to hug the tree, rest our foreheads on the bark, and “enter” into it. Frankly, as a strong storm quickly approached, entering the tree was the last thing on my mind, and the only “vision” I entertained was a not-so-pleasant image of myself struck by lightning while I tried to merge with the pine – definitely not a thought conducive to a higher consciousness.

When we walked back inside, he gently asked if I had been successful entering the tree, to which I could only honestly reply that I hadn’t. White Eagle didn’t get upset about it; with the same impassive expression he walked outside and came back with a leaf. He told me I should hold it over my third eye without thinking, allowing the leaf to show me two images that he had put into it; while I did that, he scribbled something on a piece of paper and placed it beside me. As soon as I cleared my mind, two animal images indeed popped in my mind – a deer and a bear. A little surprised by the vision, I almost hesitated, but then gathered the courage and said out loud what I saw. White Eagle smiled and nodded in the direction of the folded piece of paper resting by my side. I opened it up and read the two words over and over, my rational mind grasping for straws…the two words were deer and bear.

I am sure I must have looked as surprised as the children watching Mary Poppins slide up the banister, because White Eagle smiled and told me that if I can enter inside a leaf I should be able to do the same with a pine tree – the difference is only made by my own resistance to believe I can. The day progressed with many more surprises that one post cannot cover, but I certainly left White Eagle’s home with one confirmation: we are all part of one consciousness, if we can only work past the bark that separates us all.