The Path of the Phoenix -- Rising from the Ashes of Teen Suicide

"In spite of everything I shall rise again; I will take up my pencil, which I have forsaken in my great discouragement, and I will go on with my drawing." ~ Vincent Van Gogh


While I was catching up with e-mail last night, I overheard a story my husband was following on TV – a man served a long sentence for a crime he didn’t commit; when he was finally cleared of the charges, he could have chosen to be bitter toward the system that had forced him captive all those years, but he opted instead to be grateful for the truth which had finally set him free.

The story I overheard was certainly inspiring, but not more so than another story I heard at the writers’ conference I attended yesterday. Right beside me sat a woman who recently released a book written in honor of her son who took his life at the age of eighteen in 2005.

Like the man who was unjustly sentenced, this mother could have allowed herself to be swallowed by grief, but she chose instead to become an advocate of teens suffering from depression. Her son’s death was a terrible tragedy – anything the family tried, including therapy and medications, failed, and the teen continued to spiral further and further down until he could no longer cope.

I can hardly describe the type of inspiration one feels while merely talking to someone like Carolyn Zahnow; her research and understanding unfortunately came too late to save her son Cameron, but she is determined to employ what she learned throughout her ordeal to educate parents and teachers about telltale signs of depression in teens. When her son died she had two options – she could choose to gradually give up on her own life, and lash out at anyone who couldn’t share her pain, or she could stand back up and fight for the lives of other children; I’m happy to say she chose to do the latter. Her words to me were that helping other suffering children was the best way to honor the memory of her son. http://www.save-the-teens.com/

One life was lost; forfeiting her own would not bring her son back, but he could continue living through other children if they can be helped before it’s too late.

As a parent, I can’t even wrap my mind around the type of grief she goes through-- just flipping through her book made my heart ache; while the right-sided pages include much or the research she has done to understand what happened, the pages on the left are filled with writings and pictures from her son. I can only hope and pray that his anguished words will echo through time and space, and they will be the saving grace of other teens struggling with depression.

Kudos to you, Carolyn; I cheer your strength and your devotion, and I hope that the trial and sadness you so bravely endured will indeed serve a greater purpose. May your words reach those who need to hear them most, so that nobody else’s children must be buried before their times. Good luck to you, and may God bless you for all that you do.

Who to call: If you’ve noticed signs or symptoms in your teen or any teen, call one of the following:

-Community mental health agency
-School counselor or psychologist
-Private therapist
-Family physician
-Religious/spiritual leader
-1-800-273-TALK can provide useful information, names and numbers.

Choices

In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


One of the most intriguing things about listening to people describe news events is their tendency to remember – and their preference to discuss – the most gruesome segments. I once heard someone say that the newscast he had just watched was not very interesting because nothing really catastrophic had been reported. Of course, this person was probably joking, but as legends always have a bottom of truth, so do jokes.

For whatever twisted reasons tied to human nature, our attention is quickly captured by drama and negative news. This little psychological secret is the bread and butter of political campaigns and mental control; although people complain about the verbal attacks and blows below the belt they witness, their attention is piqued quickly, and the goal of the campaign strategists is attained.

This phenomenon can be observed in literally everything; in novels, a dark knight is always more charming and dream-worthy than a white knight; talk shows thrive on human drama; soap operas are parodies of human inadequacy; positive blogs get limited attention, while bashing, offensive posts draw opinions and readers.

Why are we so entertained by doom and human drama? Are we secretly entertained by the tragedies befalling others because it gives us an edge, and we feel better about our own precarious situation when witnessing others suffer? Could it be that negative news are a vehicle of connection to other people? After all, people like to come together and talk about something bad that happened; the tragedy becomes their link to others, and talking about the event opens the door to feeling united by a common denominator.

We approach life in approximately the same fashion. If we were to catalog all our thoughts in a day, three quarters of them are focused on what we don’t want in our lives, rather than being directed at what we want. If someone loses their spouse, for example, they become consumed with insecurity and bitterness, and a huge percentage of their thoughts focus on what the person has done to them. That will not bring their spouse back, nor will it help in finding another companion, as nobody wants to be around someone who’s a prisoner of their past. At this point, the question should be: Have we not been hurt enough by others that we feel the need to continue the beating with our very own hands?

Regardless of what some think, thoughts have power over our realities, and what we choose to think has a hand in forging the future ahead. Thinking positively about what we want triggers a series of chemical reactions in our bodies, and produce subliminal changes that become our business card in the outside world, thus triggering reactions in others.

Focusing on what we want allows us the opportunity of creating a clear mental picture of what we need to recharge for, and fuels our innate drives toward achieving that goal. Would you not want to fuel your car with premium gasoline, if you have that choice? Our lives should deserve no less.

The Vacuum in the Fish Tank

At any given moment one doesn’t know if something will happen – often a seemingly meaningless event – that will spark thoughts worth pondering over. One of those moments for me was two nights ago, when I cleaned out my fish tank.
I pumped out half of the water and used a vacuum to suck up debris from the bottom of the tank, while the tiny goldfish continued to swim in the little water that was left in there.

Right then, a thought crossed my mind – what could the fish be thinking in that moment? Certainly he had no idea of what I was doing, and all it was aware of was the tube moving around the tank and sucking up gravel. Every time it moved the fish swam away quickly, as if the tube was an underwater monster ready to swallow it in one bite.

All along the fish was never in danger. In fact, what was happening was for its greater good. Yet it was scared, and had no idea of its best interest being met.

In the greater scheme of things, we humans behave similarly when faced with situations we don’t comprehend the hidden value of. We run around in circles, scared and confused, afraid for our well-being and survival, without pausing a moment to see the greater picture. Some events are the catalyst for increased awareness and needed change, yet, it is hard for us to see or accept that.

With the recent fall of our economy, many are fearful for their present and future, and feel as if they are standing at the edge of a precipice, stable enough to survive in the moment but at the mercy of unknown events that might cause them to lose their balance and fall.

Yet, through some of this hardship, families and communities are coming together, and individuals are once again discovering the hidden treasures of family unity and human compassion. The hidden gains could also be of different quality altogether – maybe someone needs to learn humility, human compassion; needs to know he or she is able to take charge of life and be creative in regard to survival, or simply needs to recharge a weakened faith in a higher power.

Regardless of the fact that we may or may not understand the reasons behind some of the events unfolding in our lives, those reasons exist nonetheless, and those experiences are not placed in our lives by chance. Most important is to realize that we will not be harmed, but will instead draw benefits from them in the long run. One lady I know was laid off, and has decided to go back to school. Although right now she is going through hard times because of her unemployment, a few years down the road she will be happy of the decision she made. Had she not been laid off, she might have never taken the chance to leave a good job to pursue more education, and consequently would have given up the opportunity of having a better job for the future.

Ultimately, we are no different than the tiny goldfish – we fear and struggle, and are only able to see what’s happening beside the vacuum, when if we could instead see the full picture we would know that the tank is just being cleaned out.