Letting Go (Repost)

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” ~Anon


There are many things I envision doing in the two hours I normally have for myself, after my children go to bed. Fixing items is definitely not one of them.

After dinner, my daughter decided she was going to measure every piece of furniture in the living room, every knick-knack on tables and cabinets, and even her dad, who was lying oblivious on the couch watching television. She was on a mission. Tape measurer in one hand, and pencil and paper in the other, she set out to work with a tiny frown on her forehead to indicate she was completely absorbed into the task at hand. But alas, after a few measurements, the tape was excessively pulled, and it detached from the case. Of course, we had now a new project at hand – fixing the tape measurer.

One would easily assume that a simple gadget that can be purchased at Wal-Mart for $3.99 would have a simple inner mechanism, but as I discovered, even the under-age workers employed in sweat-shops overseas must have one over me. After my daughter had finally unscrewed the thing, I set out to patiently wind it up, coming to the conclusion that winding a hungry venomous snake would have certainly been easier. Once I had accomplished that infernal task, I realized that, instead than being pulled in, the tape was being spat out! So I looked at it again, and saw that the little wheel in the inside had to be wound in the opposite direction first. I did that. Satisfied with my apparent illusion of sudden geniality, I got ready to put the lid on, when I realized the tape got caught somewhere. I undid it again, and wrapped it around twice, only to discover I had it wrapped in the wrong direction. I carefully held the inside wheel, and proceeded to go in the other direction, when the little tongue holding the tape snapped!

I just stood there with the tape in my hand, dumbstruck for a few seconds. I finally had figured out the ins and outs of the problem at hand, and a few seconds before reaching the finish line, here I was…a winner with no trophy. In that moment I could probably have burned a hole into the blessed thing with my eyes, then I looked up at my husband, who just sat on the couch, staring at me as if I had lost my mind. Instantly, I saw myself through his eyes – a grown woman fighting a roll of tape for well over half an hour – and busted out laughing. A roll of measuring tape? $3.99 The satisfaction of throwing it in the dumpster? Priceless.

Amazingly, even measuring tape can teach a good life lesson. Many times we simply try too hard. Some things just aren’t meant to be, and regardless of how hard we try to get them to work out, they will only waste precious energy we could have invested elsewhere. Effort and determination are winning qualities, and do, often, lead to success, but when resistance is so bad that every move feels like a step deeper into quicksand, it is time to cut the losses and move on to more promising projects, trusting that for each closed door, two windows will open.

The situations we have given our best to, but didn’t work out, probably had a different purpose for being there – they might have taught us a lesson, or they simply were there to remind us that some things are out of our control and must be allowed to go.

Letting go of something that is an obvious closed chapter is not a sign of failure; it is acceptance that a new direction might be a better choice.



I will be offline the next few days, as I am trying to focus on two projects that are due soon. “See” you back on Monday.

Choices

In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


One of the most intriguing things about listening to people describe news events is their tendency to remember – and their preference to discuss – the most gruesome segments. I once heard someone say that the newscast he had just watched was not very interesting because nothing really catastrophic had been reported. Of course, this person was probably joking, but as legends always have a bottom of truth, so do jokes.

For whatever twisted reasons tied to human nature, our attention is quickly captured by drama and negative news. This little psychological secret is the bread and butter of political campaigns and mental control; although people complain about the verbal attacks and blows below the belt they witness, their attention is piqued quickly, and the goal of the campaign strategists is attained.

This phenomenon can be observed in literally everything; in novels, a dark knight is always more charming and dream-worthy than a white knight; talk shows thrive on human drama; soap operas are parodies of human inadequacy; positive blogs get limited attention, while bashing, offensive posts draw opinions and readers.

Why are we so entertained by doom and human drama? Are we secretly entertained by the tragedies befalling others because it gives us an edge, and we feel better about our own precarious situation when witnessing others suffer? Could it be that negative news are a vehicle of connection to other people? After all, people like to come together and talk about something bad that happened; the tragedy becomes their link to others, and talking about the event opens the door to feeling united by a common denominator.

We approach life in approximately the same fashion. If we were to catalog all our thoughts in a day, three quarters of them are focused on what we don’t want in our lives, rather than being directed at what we want. If someone loses their spouse, for example, they become consumed with insecurity and bitterness, and a huge percentage of their thoughts focus on what the person has done to them. That will not bring their spouse back, nor will it help in finding another companion, as nobody wants to be around someone who’s a prisoner of their past. At this point, the question should be: Have we not been hurt enough by others that we feel the need to continue the beating with our very own hands?

Regardless of what some think, thoughts have power over our realities, and what we choose to think has a hand in forging the future ahead. Thinking positively about what we want triggers a series of chemical reactions in our bodies, and produce subliminal changes that become our business card in the outside world, thus triggering reactions in others.

Focusing on what we want allows us the opportunity of creating a clear mental picture of what we need to recharge for, and fuels our innate drives toward achieving that goal. Would you not want to fuel your car with premium gasoline, if you have that choice? Our lives should deserve no less.

A Faulty Design

“Unless you start doing something different, you’re in for more of the same.” ~Author unknown.

Have you ever met someone who will complain daily about life, but won’t do anything to change the dynamics of it? They are genuinely distressed about the dramas repeatedly unfolding in their lives, but if one ever suggests changing some of the causing factors, they instantly become defensive, and are immediately ready to wear self-pity as armor.

Believing we are victims of an unkind destiny is much easier than accepting that we are largely responsible for our own failures through our choices. Life deals undesirable cards at times, but what will ultimately cause us to win or lose is how we choose to play the game.

Let’s imagine that a man is planning to build a home. If he’s unaware of the strong storms that habitually hit the area, he might choose the wrong materials, the wrong design, or might even build in a risky area. When the first storm hits, the home will likely suffer substantial damage. After the storm is over, if he rebuilds with the same type of materials, same design and in the same zone, the house is going to be destroyed or heavily damaged again. Over and over he repeats the same mistakes, and, all along, he complains about the weather and the unfairness of destiny. If a Good Samaritan comes along, and points out the faults in the design - or barely attempts to suggest alternative materials - the man indignantly turns away from the stranger and goes back to work; he replaces the boards with more of the same, and follows the same building plan. All along he curses God and angels for putting him through all the work, and the stranger is also not spared a few colorful words for daring to judge and come forth with suggestions.

In reality, the man never meant to improve the home; rather, he used the adverse conditions to justify his shortcomings. Mostly, he was happy to have a place in the spotlight, wearing a victim’s costume.

The man has two choices: he can accept his stubbornness - and continue living under precarious conditions - or he can make changes and improve his situation; simply being angry or weepy about the disasters he facilitated through his own poor choices only serves him to lose more energy and funds, and does nothing to relieve his misery.

If we keep building the same faulty house and complain about it, maybe we should take a step back and really look at what we have created. If we are not happy with what we see, it is okay to admit to our mistakes and seek a new path to walk. Once we do, our friends will be happy to talk and listen to us, for they will be eager to hear a new story told for the first time.

Until Death Do Us Part: A Reflection on Love

In The Lady or the Tiger? Frank Stockton explores the impact of emotions on human decisions, especially when one must choose between passion and true love. http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/LadyTige.shtml

In the story, a barbaric king chooses to leave justice to divine law and orders an arena to be built. From that day on, when one of his subjects is accused of breaking laws or is found guilty of otherwise questionable behavior, the king condemns the poor soul to meet his destiny in the arena. Behind two doors of the arena hide both an aggressive tiger and a beautiful maiden. The prisoner himself chooses which door to unlatch, and his fate is sealed – he will either be killed by the tiger or married to the maiden. Either way, no human decision will have any weight on the outcome; if killed by the tiger the subject is believed to have been guilty and promptly punished, while if he makes it out alive, he immediately receives a reward for his innocence by marrying a beautiful woman.

It so happens that the king’s only daughter, a young woman just as intense as her father, falls in love with a handsome young fellow who is, unfortunately, not a noble man. When word of the forbidden affair gets to the king, he immediately orders the young man to be imprisoned and condemns him to be judged in the arena.

As the day of the final judgment approaches, a ferocious tiger and the most beautiful maiden in the kingdom are chosen, and both are hidden behind the doors. When everything is ready, the young man is led into the arena, where he bows in front of the king and his daughter before courageously taking his place in front of the two doors. Before pulling one of the levers, he meets his lover’s apprehensive gaze and waits for a sign. Now, the king’s daughter knows exactly which door hides the tiger and which door hides the maiden, but she’s torn in her decision – if she signals to the door hiding the tiger, her lover will die, while if she signals toward the door hiding the maiden he will be saved but he will be forced to marry the young girl whom she is already jealous of.

Finally she makes her choice, and subtly lifts her right arm only for her lover to see. Without a doubt, the young man approaches the right door and opens it. At this point the story ends, leaving the reader wondering whether the unfortunate young fellow will live or die. This quite ambiguous ending is intentional, and it triggers a reflection upon the type of emotions which rule our decisions. Which door do you think the young man opens, and why?

When my son and I read the story together, we had opposite ideas – I thought the princess indicated the door with the maiden, while my son believed she signaled the door with the tiger. When I asked him why, his answer was simple – the princess was jealous and she preferred to see her young lover dead rather than happy in the arms of another woman. When I explained the story to other people I know and posed the question to them, they answered the same way my son did.

Indeed, passion and jealousy are powerful forces, able to cloud our better judgment. Quite often, we subconsciously wish to control the people we claim to love, and the mere thought of our loved ones happy with someone else triggers feelings of self-doubt we are unprepared to deal with.

True love is not threatened by competition, and it shouldn’t fill us with a need to “own” people, but rather with a feeling of joy at the thought of seeing our loved ones happy, with or without us, similarly to the way we feel toward our children. We don’t have to physically be with someone to love them, as being in love shouldn’t be equal to being in need. Too often we look toward our outside world to find what we should seek within to fill the void, and unfortunately, many of those relationships meet an unfortunate ending.

I suppose the fate of the young man will forever remain in the eye of the beholder, and that each person will choose the ending most appropriate to their way of seeing love, but for myself I really hope the princess made the right decision and allowed her lover live.

Running Out of Time

This morning I woke up thinking about death. Not in a morbid way, mind you; more along the lines of how death connects to life itself.

At first impression, the two seem quite opposite from one another, but when one looks closely, they are a mirrored image of each other. Think of the number 8, or better, the sign of infinity; one could fold the symbol in half, and see that the two halves match perfectly. Spiritually speaking, the symbol of infinity is used to represent the immortality of the soul, and its ability to shift between dimensions through the portals of birth and death. During life on earth, our soul absorbs everything it is exposed to, and stores the information which will be decoded after the soul has crossed through the death canal. Once able to download the information stored, it is able to analyze it, and assess what lessons have been learnt in full, as opposed to those that still need a little more practice.

Assuming that each “state of the soul” works in symbiosis with the other, it is safe to guess that awareness of one is essential in gaining full consciousness of the other. When we become aware of death consistently being a few fatal steps away from us, we can appreciate every moment we have, and make the most of every experience.

Imagine, this morning, that this is the last day of your life. What are you going to do with it? Are you going to waste it being angry? Being worried? Holding a grudge? Being high on any mind-numbing substance? Or are you going to truly live today, to breathe fully and forget all which weighs your soul down?

There is always time to hate and push away, but never enough to forgive and embrace. We get so uptight about unnecessary baggage, that we forget the greater meaning of this wonderful gift of life. Some numb themselves with unnecessary substances to cope, and rarely realize that our purpose is not one of sleeping life away but live it to the fullest. We came to live this earthly experience for a reason; if there was no need for us to undergo these experiences, we wouldn’t have been born.

Each moment we are allowed to draw a breath is a moment we can make a difference; it’s a moment we can take a stand for the greater good; it’s a moment we should live fully as if it was our very last.

Choices

“If you are standing upright, don’t worry if your shadow is crooked.” ~ Chinese proverb


The past two weeks I’ve been reading an awesome book, the title of which was the selection of our book club for this month. In the story, Jimmy is one of three friends who meet as children and find their lives strangely reconnected as they become adults. Compared to his friends, Jimmy had all the ingredients for a disastrous recipe – a drunken father, an emotionally detached mother, and a childhood spent in a rundown neighborhood amid crime and poverty.

When Jimmy meets his second wife – after his first wife dies of cancer – she asks him if it is true that living a life of crime is in his blood. Jimmy, wanting to make a good impression on her, but also quite honest in the way he feels, replies that a more prominent tendency to commit crimes might be part of his DNA, but it is up to him whether he will ever allow it to get out or not. Being solely responsible for his small child after the death of his wife, he is determined to live honestly and within the boundaries of the law.

When I read that part, I was stunned at the accuracy of the statement...Jimmy is completely right. Regardless of what’s handed to us at birth, or throughout part of our lives when we were not in a position to change circumstances, we are in charge of what will happen to us and to our loved ones from this moment on.

Certainly, if one has lived a horrible reality, it is understandable that they feel compelled to act a certain way, yet, they are still responsible for the choices they make in the present, and those they will make it in the future. While past legacies and past mistakes might explain the cause of a certain type of behavior, they still don’t excuse it.

At some point, one must choose if they will continue to abuse themselves and others using their past as a validation for their poor choices or if they will pick themselves up and decide that enough is enough.

The cards one is dealt are important, but the game still has to be played before anyone can be labeled a winner or a loser. We have no choice on the cards we get, but we do have control on how we will manage our hand.

Do I Truly Not Want This?

In the many years we have known each other, I‘ve always heard my friend Caroline complain of the fact that she lives alone and has no children. Yet, every time she comes to my house for the day – and is exposed to the zoo of family life for more than an hour – she is ready to bolt out the door and find the peace and solitude she habitually claims to hate.

I often hear people complain about everything; their spouses, their homes, their jobs, their children, the time they spend alone. As humans, we spend a great deal of our time focusing on, and complaining about, what we don’t have, never really ready to acknowledge the fact that what we do have is truly what’s right for us.

We behave similarly in relation to weather conditions. In the winter we dream of being somewhere warm; we complain of the cold and rain, and can hardly wait for the dog days of summer, when, once again, we’ll be able to shed the heavy clothes and feel the hot kiss of sunshine on our skin. Yet, as soon as summer comes - after just a few weeks - we complain of the heat, and talk dreamily of the cool weather we will experience in the fall and winter. Opposite conditions allow us to appreciate what we normally take for granted.

Many can relate to the excitement felt when company is ready to come visit; we plan wonderful moments and are eager to catch up on conversations; yet, after a few days, we are ready to claim back the life we had, our routines, our moments alone. It’s not that we don’t love the company, but we are ready to be back in our own space.

Ultimately, if we never lost our jobs, we’d never appreciate the sense of security which derives from being employed; if we never had a day of rain, we’d never appreciate a day of sunshine; if we never had anyone treating us wrong, we’d never recognize, or appreciate, a true friend when he or she comes along.

We can choose to look at our seemingly unfulfilled lives and experiences as a sentence we are forced to serve, but by doing so we only rob ourselves from the opportunity of being happy.

At times, changes are in order and can improve our lives, but often we simply need to make an honest assessment of how much we truly wish for things to be altered. We can begin by asking ourselves if our lives would be better or worse if we take a different turn. When we look at the neighbor’s grass, and wish it was our own, we should also ask ourselves if we’d be happy and ready to commit to the daily amount of work required to keep it so green.

Boundaries of Our Freedom (repost)

“Your freedom stops where other people’s freedom starts”. ~Don D. Battaglini


This simple sentence stuck with me like glue since the first time I heard it, back when I was seven years old, during Bible study. I don’t think Don Battaglini ever realized the impact his words had on his young pupils, but I can still remember that moment as if it took place yesterday.

Don Battaglini was one of those priests who don’t come by very often. I remember him as always being old; hair as white as snow, deep-set, soft brown eyes, and the strong voice of a tenor. He never indulged nonsense, but he was ALWAYS available for important issues. The day he uttered those words was one of those winter days that never seem to draw to an end. It was raining out, and I can still recall the sound of the rain drops rhythmically hitting the window pane. It was one of those days that truly deserve the label of “boring”.

Then, I heard those words and they changed my young life. From that moment on, every time I thought about doing anything, I always wondered if I was intruding in someone else’s freedom, and more times than one those very same words saved me from overstepping my boundaries.

We are free to make choices, but so are other people. We have the right to voice our opinion, but we must acknowledge that other people have opinions, too. We may choose a certain type of lifestyle, but we must mind the fact that, although we are free to decide how we live, we must allow others the space they need to live out their own choices.

So, where is the fine line between our freedom and that of others?

Ultimately, the best rule to follow is the old golden one: “Don’t do unto others as you wouldn’t want done unto you”. And again, it is about walking a mile into someone else’s shoes.

We have the right to have a party with our friends, but we would not like for someone else to wake us up from a sound sleep; maybe, we can try to keep things down a bit, or at least let our neighbors know of our plans. Most people, if warned ahead, will be amenable to accommodating different things. If we love to drink, then we shouldn’t drive or be obnoxious. Although we have the right to enjoy a drink, people have the freedom to live out their life. If we are fervidly religious, we should be thankful that God is so prominent in our lives, yet we should not push our beliefs unto others who have the freedom to not believe, or believe something else.

We are here all together, all participants in the great field trip on earth that life is. We can make our journey a little more pleasant by just showing a little respect; both toward ourselves and others. Maybe then, we will learn to fight a little less, love a little more, and really be free.

Wishing for Others

“I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them.” ~ Herbert Henry Lehman


A few days ago, a friend sent me a note with the following sentence: “I wish for you what you wish for yourself.” I immediately liked it, but it was only after I thought about it for a while that I realized how truly profound those few words are.

Many times, while wishing someone something, or while praying for other people, we tend to customize the wishes we have according to what we believe it is best for them.

In reality, nobody can really know what is right or wrong for someone else. Each person lives a unique life, and is the product of a unique pattern of circumstances. Even if we have seen a similar pattern before in someone else, all it takes is one small difference in the type of personality or in the way the person internalizes information, to dramatically change how certain events will affect this individual’s life compared to others who have walked in those very same shoes before.

When we can accept that each person has a different path to walk, we enable ourselves to love them unconditionally, and to wish them well for their greater good, without making any assumptions. What we believe to be their greater good, might in fact not be good for them at all, and could hinder their growth.

Each person has different things to learn, and by being free to follow the course of action they have mapped for themselves, they are able to fail or succeed – either way, they will assimilate what they must.

It is easy to worry about a friend or a loved one if they are walking down a path we perceive as negative, but it would be more helpful to them if we could just focus on sending them unconditional love and support to accompany them on their journey, rather than charting a new route for them which is only fit for us.

Some people need a detour before they can reach their destination, and their timing might be different than ours, but in the end not one path is necessarily wrong – just different and specifically customized for the individual’s life experience.

We can control what happens in our own lives, to some extent, but laying claim on the destiny and the choices of others – especially when our flow of love is directly proportional to their decisions – hinders the growth of all.

Live your life and love unconditionally. And when the urge of judging the actions and choices of another surges, it’s important to remember that we are only human - limited sight and arrogance can only cloud our better judgment.

One for The Books - How a Young Man Beat the Odds and Built a New Life for Himself

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done it's always your choice."~ Wayne dyer


Dwayne Betts grew up in Suitland, Md, a mildly rough suburb of Washington DC, where for several of his teen years he walked the fine line between a honest life and one of crime – although he was a promising student, he hung around with the wrong crowd, experimented with light drugs even if he never sold them, rode in stolen cars but didn't steal them himself until a fateful night in 1996, when in a “moment of insanity”, as he calls it, he made the wrong decision and carjacked a man outside a mall.

He admitted his guilt, was charged as an adult and sentenced to nine years behind bars. He spent his time in prison reading everything he could put his hands on, and once he finished serving his sentence, he attended college, and earned a bachelor degree from the University of Maryland. He also started a reading club for young men and wrote a 237-page memoir entitled “A Question of Freedom”. His mission is to create reading programs for young inmates, hoping that the power of the written word will touch their lives as much as it touched his. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/01/AR2006100101160.html

Dwayne Betts is seen as an inspiration for trouble youths, but on a larger scale he can be considered a role model for most of us. Regardless of individual circumstances, most of us have made poor choices at one time or another and engaged in acts we have regretted dearly, but few have actually used those consequences to better themselves.

Whenever reactions catch up with actions, we have one choice to make – we can allow past transgressions to get the best of us by knocking down our spirit and let us roll in a puddle of self-pity and guilt, or we can take stock of reality, and use the tools we have available to us to rise against all odds.

Dwayne Betts could have chosen to beat himself up for the poor choices he made - and could have continued to wallow in the pain he had inflicted on those who loved him and suffered because of his actions - but if he had done so he would be just another statistic, a repeat offender who can’t move from the stump because he doesn’t believe he has other options.

Instead, he never felt cornered because he saw his escape in books. He accepted he had done wrong, paid his price and found the silver lining in the cloud; now he is enjoying the rewards of his inner strength.

All situations, no matter how negative they appear, can be turned into positives – all it takes is to make a conscious choice to not be defeated.

Living One Life at a Time - A Reflection Upon Allowing Others to Make their Own Mistakes

“Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness,
and love, as much as possible.” ~ Melody Beattie


I read a wonderful article on the News & Observer yesterday, in which a mother described how hard it had been for her to allow her children to work on their projects without becoming involved, even if it meant that the projects turned out far from perfect.

Their journey began a few years before, when they joined a series of free kids workshops offered by Home Depot. After the first workshop, the mother was not too sure things had gone as well as she had hoped – little fingers were smashed, the bird house the kids had built was falling apart, and clothes were ruined by wood glue – yet, as time passed, the kids learned important skills.

The hardest thing during the workshops, the mother explained, was to sit back and watch the kids make mistakes without intervening; the greatest lesson, she realized, had been her own – it didn’t matter if the projects weren’t perfect; what mattered was that the children were learning how to read instructions and use tools more efficiently. Mom’s input was not needed.

Allowing others to make their own mistakes is probably one of the greatest challenges we can ever face. Especially in the case of people we love, we wish we could live their lives for them when we feel they are not doing a good job of it on their own, so that we could “fix” their mistakes and help them live a happier existence.

Each of us has a different path to follow, which is not always for others to understand. Even if all we find at the end of the path we chose is misery, we have the right to make those mistakes and learn from them.

Letting go of the control we wish to have on the lives of others is, in many ways, synonymous of letting go of judgment. We can’t expect to understand the many reasons behind the choices others make, just as we can’t truly know what is best for them; all we can do is accept their choices as their own right, and move on with our own lives. We can only live one life at a time – ours or other people’s.

We can’t control the way someone else feels or acts, but we do have ownership on whether we allow their choices to affect our immediate world. By focusing less on what others do, and more on what we choose for ourselves, we can grow in ways we didn’t think possible, and the weight we carry for them is suddenly lifted.

We can’t change others, but we can change ourselves. And by letting others follow their own destiny we might be pleasantly surprised in the end.

The Power of Choice

“Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind.” ~ Alice Meynell

When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to take me to ride my bike at a park near my house. One day, I fell and scraped both knees. After helping me get up, and brushing off the dirt of my bloody legs, my grandmother smiled and said: “Well, aren’t you the lucky one?” I looked at her in disbelief…here I was, one scratch away from needing stitches, and the woman was telling me I was lucky! Could she be mentally ill? Even at that young age, I remember wondering if she was going mad.

Noticing my confused frown, she explained: “Look at it this way, young lady, you could have fallen and busted your head instead. I think you were pretty lucky.” Although I still had a few doubts about her sanity, those words appealed to my young mind. She was right after all – no matter how desperate the situation seemed at the moment, it could have been worse.

From that day on, my glass was most always half full. Yes, bad stuff continued to happen on occasion, but was it the absolute worst it could be? That newfound attitude saved me a lot of heartache while going through the teen years, and it truly helped me see that events are only as bad as we paint them in our minds.

To this day, every morning, I pray for one thing: to keep my inner balance alive, and see every obstacle as an opportunity. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had – at the end of it, I always feel it was a day worth living. True power is not in dominating events unfolding around us, but rather is the ability of not allowing those events to affect our core of emotions.

One of the best tricks to balance the scale is to focus our attention on a happy memory. For me, as an example, thinking of the when my younger son caught a big fish on his first fishing trip really does wonders. He was so happy! That image will forever be forged in my mind. If I think of that, and really try to concentrate on the intensity of the feeling and the brightness of his smile, I can immediately feel tension melt away. Once I have a grip on my emotions again, I continue to focus on positive thoughts, and my day magically shifts.

Hanging on to resentment or negative thoughts feeds our illusion of needing to remain angry in order to punctuate the magnitude of the event, but it is really not necessary. Dangling on the brink of a precipice has never helped anyone find solutions.

We feel inclined to change the décor of our environment if the style no longer suits us, or makes us feel uncomfortable. We remove an object and replace it with one we like more – why not do the same with our thoughts?

Quality vs. Greed: Are We Endangering Our Children's Lives?

In the wake of four babies dying, and 6,200 having fallen ill after consuming milk powder tainted with melamine – a chemical used in combination with formaldehyde to produce a resin employed in the manufacturing of countertops and fire-retardant materials – people have glimpsed in horror at how far mankind can go in the name of greed.
Last year, many pets in the United States became ill and died as a result of the same chemical, found in pet food produced in China.
How low are we going to sink – and how many people need to die – before we realize that we are sacrificing lives to the god of money?
Small domestic businesses have almost disappeared because of large corporations that opt for cheap labor at the expense of safety and the economic interest of the American people.
Politicians talk a big game about “saving” the country, yet few of them – if any – have ever truly established a program to help small American businesses stand on their feet.
Having a country which relies on its own strength and the labor of its own people is what the forefathers probably envisioned. If George Washington or Lincoln could see how shallow we have become, they would turn in their graves.
Buying at large corporate chains surely has its advantages- everybody, after all, is always looking for a bargain. But what kind of chips are we bargaining with?
Just last October, 69,000 toys produced in China were recalled in the US because of lead paint. In February, Valentine lollipops were taken off the market because bits of metal were found inside the wrapping. How many other threats are lurking on our stores’ shelves?
Greed is a dangerous beast. On a smaller scale, everybody indulges in it somehow. We have witnessed greed in the dishonest gouging of gas prices, and in the way that a lot of our own citizens will not think twice before they scam others to make a buck. We see that in the way we relate to each other on a daily basis. Everybody is out to take care of number one.
When someone returned my son’s wallet – after he lost it in the parking lot of the mall on his way to buy a game system – everybody was surprised when I told them that none of the money was taken.
We shouldn’t live in a world where we are surprised by people taking care of one another; rather, we should be appalled by dishonesty, and should start being less greedy ourselves.
Maybe, by overcoming our egoistic urges to take advantage of what we didn’t earn, and learning how to live with a few less TVs in our houses, we can truly do our part to make this world a better place.

Political Ambidexterity: Appreciating the Gray in Between

The fight is on. Whether it’s through vitriol-laced convention speeches or through innuendos and blatant accusations in campaign ads, both sides of the political race focus more on the shortcomings of the opponent than on personal merits.

These past few days –especially since Palin was introduced as the GOP VP choice – well- articulated poisoned arrows have been grazing the skies above.

Both parties have been highly acclaimed and endorsed by their own, and have been heavily criticized by the opponents.

Stating ahead that I am not particularly led by politics, I have to put in my ten cents: where is the candidate who can stand on his or her own merits, without having to dig trash and rely on harvesting votes by mudding the image of their opponent?

As with everything else, we base politics and religion on black and white. If one candidate is good in our eyes, then the other one has to be bad.

Personally, I find the good and bad in both parties, and in both candidates. And it is okay. I respect the traditional values of the GOP, as for some things I am old-school myself. I believe in family unity and in good moral standards. On the other side of the coin, I admire the more embracing views or the Democratic Party, as I feel that if we all have to dance in the same ballroom we might as well learn how to dance together, rather than stepping on each other’s toes.

Ultimately, the main goal is to create an agenda which will benefit the nation, but we seem to have forgotten that, and have turned yet another upcoming election into a paramount soap opera.

Political ambidexterity is truly what we need. We need someone who can lead by the example of his or her own actions, who can embrace pressing issues from all sides and see the gray between black and white. Most of all, we need to stop the childish competition and come together as one nation focused on bringing on changes that can benefit ALL.

One hand cannot do all the work, that’s why we were born with two. And if politically the two hands can shake each other rather than wasting energy in slapping, maybe, just maybe, we can hope to get somewhere.

Of course, just my ten cents.