What Kind of People Live in Your City? (How Past Perceptions Affect Future Encounters)

An old man sat outside the walls of a great city. When travelers approached, they would ask the old man, "What kind of people live in this city?" The old man would answer, "What kind of people live in the place where you came from?" If the travelers answered, "Only bad people live in the place where we came from," the old man would reply, "Continue on; you will find only bad people here."

But if the travelers answered, "Good people live in the place where we came from," then the old man would say, "Enter, for here too, you will find only good people." ~Author unknown


I’ve always been fascinated by the patterns unfolding in people’s lives. Although most encounters appear accidental, the unique individuals we attract into our world are often the catalysts of a change, or are able to facilitate a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Our acceptance of the world is largely molded upon our initial caretakers. If, as children, we perceive the people we build bonds with as “good” people, we are more likely to develop satisfactory bonds with others as we move on through life. Since we are “trained” to see the good in others from early on, we tend to focus on the positive side of whoever we meet, and are able to break through their defensive barriers to find their core light.

If, on the contrary, what we have been exposed to is negative, we tend to subconsciously replay those relationships with new people in the hope of understanding what went wrong. The new encounters are just a new spin on an old tale.

It is important to understand that what we perceive as positive or negative in someone might not necessarily reflect reality, but rather it might be the mirrored reflection of a past hurt, or a flashing sign indicating what needs healing within our inner selves.

When we feel the need to lash out at someone, it might be beneficial to stop and wonder why their behavior is upsetting us so much; is this person reflecting a part of our shadow-self we don’t want to face, or even better, is this person triggering an old memory of past hurts?

There is a reason why certain people are crossing our path at this time. Their presence in our world – and the awareness they might be a catalyst for – could easily be a blessing in disguise.

Discipline - The Building Block of a Functional Society (repost)

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.” ~ Jim Rohn

The main goal of discipline is to teach children self-control and remind them that there are natural consequences to their actions: by repeatedly associating an unpleasant consequence to an unwanted behavior, children are able to learn the difference between what is acceptable and what is not.

In generations past, the rearing of children was much stricter if compared to the standards our society lives by today, but most of those children grew into responsible and creative adults.

Today, in an era of psychological expertise aimed at telling parents how they should raise their children, parents don’t know how to act any more. A new school of thought teaches that parents should praise their children for good behavior and not discipline them; because all children thrive on praise and acceptance – we are told - if rewarded for the good actions, they will try to repeat those behaviors to earn even more positive attention.

Yet, our youth are not thriving. Juvenile crime rates are rising at frightening speed, and our children are caught in a spiral of self-destruction.

As parents are losing their grip on the ability to keep things under control, and feel that society is promoting a new generation of weeping, uncontrolled criminals, new fundamentalist groups are sprouting like poisonous mushrooms on a field. Michael Pearl, the minister who advises parents to beat their children with plastic plumbing supply line, is only one of the radical advocates of parental rights who, sadly, appeal to the weary and frightened parents who no longer know where to turn.

So, parents ask, is there a right way to raise happy children who will become well adjusted, productive adults?

One of the main things to remember is that our children are being raised in a world dominated by societal and peer pressure, and parental skills are compared to those exhibited by theatrical parents on TV sitcoms. Those forever smiling television parents - always available and never losing their cool - are fictional, and it is unfair to use them as a scale to measure real life parents who are weighed down by financial burdens and tighter schedules.

Also, the demands on children are doubling with each passing day, as they are expected to behave like pint-size adults in a society which no longer allows children to be children.

If a child is rambunctious, he or she is quickly diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD, and is medicated to numb the excess energy which no longer has an outlet through creative play and physical activity. In times past, children were able to go outside and play from sunrise to sunset, and were therefore allowed to use the endless supply of energy they are naturally equipped with. In today’s world, children are increasingly kept inside and forced to channel their energy into indoor entertainment, often with the result of living their childhood through the virtual adventures of video games characters.

That said, it is important to understand that discipline is just as important today as it was yesterday, and children need limits and boundaries that will control their natural tendency to go overboard.

There has to be a balance of praise and moderate discipline, so that the child will feel loved, accepted and appreciated, but will also understand what areas of behavior need improvement.

As parents, we have the responsibility of maintaining the reins of this balance, if we ever hope to set the building blocks of a functional society.

A Tiny Clue

“Usually there’s some kind of clue, whether it’s a rhythmic foundation or very abstract – just an emotional kind of landscape – and then you just kind of start someplace.” ~ David Sanborn


Yesterday it was my daughter’s birthday. For some time she had been wishing for a particular doll she had been seeing on TV commercials, but by the time the birthday date approached, she also asked for other things I thought she would enjoy more, so I doubted the doll was in the cards.

Two days ago, a nearby church was holding a large charity yard sale, so Morgan and I went, early in the morning. Since the sale was indoors and we knew most of the people there, I allowed her to walk around the tables alone carrying a small bag of money she had earned attending to small chores, while I looked through books. A short while later we went to pay for our purchases. I didn’t pay much attention to what she had picked up, and waited until the lady at the cash box gave Morgan her change before turning toward me to collect the things I was going to buy.

After we got home, Morgan pulled her treasures from the plastic bag – a purple, fuzzy handbag, a princess nightgown, and a small book. I looked at the book and saw that it was a small inspirational book entitled “Waiting for Baby”. I asked her why she had picked up such a book instead than one of the many children’s titles, and she replied that she didn’t know – she just liked the rabbit picture in the front. That same night, we read a little of the book at bedtime. It was indeed a delightful book about the joy a mother feels as she gets ready to welcome her long-awaited baby.

Yesterday morning she woke up early, ready to start celebrations. Knowing that within a few hours she would be celebrating with all her friends filled her with delight, and pumped quick silver into her veins. We ate breakfast and called everyone down so that she could open some of her gifts before we went to the party. Just looking at the pretty festive paper made her giggle, and she could hardly contain her excitement. She loved the gifts – an interactive cat her brothers bought for her, Play-dough toys and a DVD-player for her TV - but nothing prepared her for her next surprise, a beautiful pink box my parents sent to her from Italy.

She opened the bow and giggled as she ripped through the beautiful paper, until time stood still, and the doll of her dreams was only a few inches away from her stunned little face. She looked at the doll, then at me, and then, as if someone suddenly lit fireworks behind her eyes, she burst into a scream of uncontainable delight. She ran to the window and blew kisses into the sky to my parents, as if the wind could carry her love to them. Then, she came back to the table, picked up her baby, and ran to her room to find the book she had bought the day before. “See, Mom,” she said, “I really was waiting for a baby. She came today.”

We are often given clues of what’s to come. The trick is to pay attention and try to understand them as we journey along.