Letting Go (Repost)

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” ~Anon


There are many things I envision doing in the two hours I normally have for myself, after my children go to bed. Fixing items is definitely not one of them.

After dinner, my daughter decided she was going to measure every piece of furniture in the living room, every knick-knack on tables and cabinets, and even her dad, who was lying oblivious on the couch watching television. She was on a mission. Tape measurer in one hand, and pencil and paper in the other, she set out to work with a tiny frown on her forehead to indicate she was completely absorbed into the task at hand. But alas, after a few measurements, the tape was excessively pulled, and it detached from the case. Of course, we had now a new project at hand – fixing the tape measurer.

One would easily assume that a simple gadget that can be purchased at Wal-Mart for $3.99 would have a simple inner mechanism, but as I discovered, even the under-age workers employed in sweat-shops overseas must have one over me. After my daughter had finally unscrewed the thing, I set out to patiently wind it up, coming to the conclusion that winding a hungry venomous snake would have certainly been easier. Once I had accomplished that infernal task, I realized that, instead than being pulled in, the tape was being spat out! So I looked at it again, and saw that the little wheel in the inside had to be wound in the opposite direction first. I did that. Satisfied with my apparent illusion of sudden geniality, I got ready to put the lid on, when I realized the tape got caught somewhere. I undid it again, and wrapped it around twice, only to discover I had it wrapped in the wrong direction. I carefully held the inside wheel, and proceeded to go in the other direction, when the little tongue holding the tape snapped!

I just stood there with the tape in my hand, dumbstruck for a few seconds. I finally had figured out the ins and outs of the problem at hand, and a few seconds before reaching the finish line, here I was…a winner with no trophy. In that moment I could probably have burned a hole into the blessed thing with my eyes, then I looked up at my husband, who just sat on the couch, staring at me as if I had lost my mind. Instantly, I saw myself through his eyes – a grown woman fighting a roll of tape for well over half an hour – and busted out laughing. A roll of measuring tape? $3.99 The satisfaction of throwing it in the dumpster? Priceless.

Amazingly, even measuring tape can teach a good life lesson. Many times we simply try too hard. Some things just aren’t meant to be, and regardless of how hard we try to get them to work out, they will only waste precious energy we could have invested elsewhere. Effort and determination are winning qualities, and do, often, lead to success, but when resistance is so bad that every move feels like a step deeper into quicksand, it is time to cut the losses and move on to more promising projects, trusting that for each closed door, two windows will open.

The situations we have given our best to, but didn’t work out, probably had a different purpose for being there – they might have taught us a lesson, or they simply were there to remind us that some things are out of our control and must be allowed to go.

Letting go of something that is an obvious closed chapter is not a sign of failure; it is acceptance that a new direction might be a better choice.



I will be offline the next few days, as I am trying to focus on two projects that are due soon. “See” you back on Monday.

An Unquenchable Thirst

“Many activities are really distractions that excite us but don't satisfy, just leaves us wanting more distraction. But, they can be bought with money, and worth every penny of it.” ~ Djofraleigh


I read this quote a few days ago and, for some reason, it has been lingering in my mind ever since. Yesterday, taking advantage of a little extra time I had available for myself, I sat alone for a little while and pondered the meaning of such a profound statement.

In so many ways those words reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my children a few years ago, concerning the consumption of sugary beverages instead of water. At the time, I noticed that my sons – both avid consumers of fruit juice – were constantly drinking and went through numerous bottles of juice at the speed of light. Although I’m aware of the fact that children require a greater intake of fluids to boost their growth, their thirst seemed to exceed expectations.

As an experiment, I instructed them to substitute half the juice they were drinking with water, to see if changing the type of drink would make a difference. It did indeed. After drinking a glass of water, more time would pass before they needed another drink. The next week we substituted two thirds of their fruity drinks with water, and their need to drink repeatedly dramatically decreased. We came to the conclusion that because water was the actual nutrient they needed, their intake didn’t need to be so high – one glass of water could satisfy their thirst equally to five glasses of juice.

Similarly, we go through life trying to satisfy our thirst to belong to something greater with activities and people which occupy our time and momentarily fill the void, but in the end, our needs of unconditional love and acceptance are not met. We attempt to quench our insatiable thirst with trinkets and gadgets, lovers and sounds, or we fall victims of glamour, illusion and substance abuse, easily substituting external feeds for what we shouldn’t travel too far to find.

Unconditional love and acceptance are the waters of an eternal spring tucked under the folds of our immediate consciousness, safely concealed by a layer of camouflaging thoughts. If we can allow ourselves to rake through the covering brush, we will, over time, find the sweet-flowing waters running deep within us, and our thirst will be quenched.

The beginning verse of Psalm 23 has always resonated with me particularly. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lay down in green pastures, He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul…”

This verse reflects a fundamental truth. The satisfaction we crave cannot be found without until one can find it within. External feeds are no different than sugar water or a glass of fruit juice – they satisfy our thirst temporarily and allow us an instant feeling of wellbeing, but their effect is certainly not a long-lasting one, since the love we receive from our outside world is mostly conditional. If we learn how to tap into the eternal waters of universal, unconditional love, the satisfaction lasts much longer and it automatically replenishes when we thirst for more.

There are many ways to uncover the eternal spring of inner love, and not one person’s path is the same as any other; we can reach our source through service to others, through inner silence, or even by accepting the higher truth of a divine nature in all. No path is better or worse than the others, but rather, all paths are uniquely customized for the individuals ready to walk them. The only thing that matters is that the spring is found, regardless of the tools we used to remove the debris, or the trail we chose to get to it.

Learning from a Goose -- Beyond Racial Boundaries (repost)

When I mindlessly perused the news a few weeks ago, one story particularly caught my eye: A goose in Hereford, Texas, is perfectly comfortable hanging around with a herd of goats. As peculiar and seemingly insignificant as this bit of news might appear, it is powerful enough to remind us of some of our shortcomings. As members of the human race, we still struggle with the challenges of living with one another, and although racial tensions have superficially eased since the black and white communities have integrated, a lot of people still simmer with lack of acceptance under their differently colored skin.

A lot of civil rights leaders have worked very hard in trying to mend the differences, but in many cases they have done more damage than good. People have felt pushed into a corner, obligated to give up treasured traditions in favor of exotic beliefs, celebrations or fashion fads, and that has created a widespread sense of resentment. Feeling powerless in the face of losing their own heritage and identity, many have responded with anger and hatred. With great intentions in their hearts, civil rights leaders have responded by feeding the flame of outrage already burning on the other side, and by pointing out the differences that separate the cultures.

In an era of politically correct talk and affirmative action, it is very common to hear labels chosen by the very same people who feel singled out. The black community still refers to itself as African-American, the Hispanic community as Hispanic-American, and the Asian community as Asian-American. Something is wrong with that picture: by labeling the cultures we promote separateness. Americans are Americans, regardless of their heritage. My children were born in America and call themselves American, even if their heritage is entirely Italian and British. Maybe, if the politically correct way of labeling people applies to the whole, they should call themselves Italian-British-Americans. If we truly look at the origin of things, then the only true Americans are the native Indians; the rest of us are just imports, no matter when our boats approached the shores of our beautiful country.

Racial acceptance and peaceful co-habitation have to begin within ourselves. If we feel that we can contribute something to society and to each other through the beauty of our individual qualities, then we can move forward and build a new foundation for our children’s future. There is beauty within every culture, and good that can be found within the heart of every person, regardless of race, creed or financial status. As intelligent and reasonable human beings, we need to start with ourselves and lead by example. We preach that the best way to teach our children is by praising their efforts and focusing on their good qualities, yet adults have no problem in lashing out at one another over issues that shouldn’t even exist.

By focusing on what brings us together, rather than what sets us apart, we can open a new door to united and symbiotic living which can only positively affect the future of our nation, and set an example to the rest of the world. And when we forget how we should relate to each other, may God bless the Goose.

Carrying the Baggage of Others

“Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it is letting go.” ~ Author unknown


Recently, I have had the opportunity to talk to a friend who’s lived through such a series of ordeals that it’s hard to believe he has managed to maintain his sanity. Although he keeps a good face in front of adversity, he is suffering terribly under the cheerful mask.

The other night we talked at length about letting go of the pain. Since most of it has been caused by other people whose behaviors he couldn’t help, or prevent, he shouldn’t be holding on to the pain their actions have caused; yet, he can’t find a way to let it all go. In his mind, if he lets go, he’s going to completely lose the people he loves most, but even worse, he is afraid to lose himself. In clear terms, he believes that he has no control in the way he feels, and that he will have to carry this heavy load the rest of his life.

In reality, we are always in control of anything that affects our lives. We might not be able to change the way others behave around us, or some of the circumstances that unfold, but we can choose how much we are affected by it all. If we are not responsible for what happened, and had no way of controlling the outcome, holding on to the pain is like being punished for the acts of another. If someone robbed a store, and we were mistakenly charged for it, we would be irate and we would demand that all accusations are quickly dismissed, so that we can move on with our lives. Why should we continue to serve the sentence of another if we had no part in their crimes?

Embracing the past, and accepting it, does in no way mean that we must continue where others left off. We should accept that some things happened out of the sphere of our control, but we shouldn’t try to bring them forth into the future. If the abuse is suffered at the hands and words of loved ones, we shouldn’t feel guilty thinking that we are ungrateful simply because we are choosing to love ourselves. We can look at people who are part of our lives in two different ways – some are there to teach us how to become the person we want to be, others are there to teach us how to avoid becoming who they are. They both serve a purpose and should be honored for it, but in the latter case, at some point we must see that their role must come to an end.

By refusing to continue carrying the load of others’ mistakes, we are not cutting the ties of love that bind us to them, now or in the past; we are merely wiping off the emotional charge which is keeping all in an unhealthy form of bondage. Most of all, when we choose to let go we are not condoning the actions of those who hurt us, but we are setting ourselves free from an invisible rope which prevents us from moving forward. Once the extra weight is put down, it’s amazing how much faster we can walk.

What Kind of People Live in Your City? (How Past Perceptions Affect Future Encounters)

An old man sat outside the walls of a great city. When travelers approached, they would ask the old man, "What kind of people live in this city?" The old man would answer, "What kind of people live in the place where you came from?" If the travelers answered, "Only bad people live in the place where we came from," the old man would reply, "Continue on; you will find only bad people here."

But if the travelers answered, "Good people live in the place where we came from," then the old man would say, "Enter, for here too, you will find only good people." ~Author unknown


I’ve always been fascinated by the patterns unfolding in people’s lives. Although most encounters appear accidental, the unique individuals we attract into our world are often the catalysts of a change, or are able to facilitate a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Our acceptance of the world is largely molded upon our initial caretakers. If, as children, we perceive the people we build bonds with as “good” people, we are more likely to develop satisfactory bonds with others as we move on through life. Since we are “trained” to see the good in others from early on, we tend to focus on the positive side of whoever we meet, and are able to break through their defensive barriers to find their core light.

If, on the contrary, what we have been exposed to is negative, we tend to subconsciously replay those relationships with new people in the hope of understanding what went wrong. The new encounters are just a new spin on an old tale.

It is important to understand that what we perceive as positive or negative in someone might not necessarily reflect reality, but rather it might be the mirrored reflection of a past hurt, or a flashing sign indicating what needs healing within our inner selves.

When we feel the need to lash out at someone, it might be beneficial to stop and wonder why their behavior is upsetting us so much; is this person reflecting a part of our shadow-self we don’t want to face, or even better, is this person triggering an old memory of past hurts?

There is a reason why certain people are crossing our path at this time. Their presence in our world – and the awareness they might be a catalyst for – could easily be a blessing in disguise.

Wishing for Others

“I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them.” ~ Herbert Henry Lehman


A few days ago, a friend sent me a note with the following sentence: “I wish for you what you wish for yourself.” I immediately liked it, but it was only after I thought about it for a while that I realized how truly profound those few words are.

Many times, while wishing someone something, or while praying for other people, we tend to customize the wishes we have according to what we believe it is best for them.

In reality, nobody can really know what is right or wrong for someone else. Each person lives a unique life, and is the product of a unique pattern of circumstances. Even if we have seen a similar pattern before in someone else, all it takes is one small difference in the type of personality or in the way the person internalizes information, to dramatically change how certain events will affect this individual’s life compared to others who have walked in those very same shoes before.

When we can accept that each person has a different path to walk, we enable ourselves to love them unconditionally, and to wish them well for their greater good, without making any assumptions. What we believe to be their greater good, might in fact not be good for them at all, and could hinder their growth.

Each person has different things to learn, and by being free to follow the course of action they have mapped for themselves, they are able to fail or succeed – either way, they will assimilate what they must.

It is easy to worry about a friend or a loved one if they are walking down a path we perceive as negative, but it would be more helpful to them if we could just focus on sending them unconditional love and support to accompany them on their journey, rather than charting a new route for them which is only fit for us.

Some people need a detour before they can reach their destination, and their timing might be different than ours, but in the end not one path is necessarily wrong – just different and specifically customized for the individual’s life experience.

We can control what happens in our own lives, to some extent, but laying claim on the destiny and the choices of others – especially when our flow of love is directly proportional to their decisions – hinders the growth of all.

Live your life and love unconditionally. And when the urge of judging the actions and choices of another surges, it’s important to remember that we are only human - limited sight and arrogance can only cloud our better judgment.

The Masks We Wear

Masks are one of the most remarkable manmade creations used in rituals throughout recorded history, used by our ancestors to form a bridge between themselves and the Divine.
Though in modern times the mask has a negative connotation of disguise with the intent to deceive, the ancient world perceived masks as tools of revelation, a connection to invisible powers.
“Identity masks” are often worn to hide the vulnerable parts of ourselves, and most of them are molded in response to societal demands, parental suggestions and peer pressure.
Most of us wear some sort of mask to introduce ourselves to the world. It is not done to deceive anybody; rather, it is an effort we make to ensure that we are accepted and loved by others. Many feel that they could not be accepted for who they truly are, so they slip the mask on. Sometimes they become so used to doing it, that they are unable themselves to differentiate who they truly are from who they believe people want them to be.
We constantly blame the world for not accepting us for who we are, yet we don’t fully accept ourselves. We would rather go on and be who we are not, rather than recognize that the standards we measure ourselves against are manmade and often based on others’ perceptions of good and bad.
The person who lives inside of us may be scared, bruised, shy, but it is rarely bad.
The need to hide behind a mask is self-imposed, and as such it can be eliminated.
If we take a glimpse of our true selves, who are we, really? Are we truly the person we are portraying? Or is that person someone our caregivers and societies wanted it to be? Do we really believe what we claim to believe? Do we really despise what we assert to despise? Or have we grown to believe we do just because it would make someone else happy and proud?
What about you? Who is the true self hidden behind your mask?

Learning from a goose: Living in peace beyond our racial boundaries.

When I mindlessly perused the news this morning, one story particularly caught my eye: A goose in Hereford, Texas, is perfectly comfortable hanging around with a herd of goats.
As peculiar and seemingly insignificant as this bit of news might appear, it is powerful enough to remind us of some of our shortcomings.
As members of the human race, we still struggle, on a daily basis, with the challenges of living with each other.
Although racial tensions have superficially eased since the black and white communities have integrated, a lot of people still simmer with lack of acceptance under their differently colored skin.
A lot of civil rights leaders have worked very hard in trying to mend the differences, but in many cases they have done more damage than good. People have felt pushed into a corner, obligated to give up treasured traditions in favor of exotic beliefs, celebrations or fashion fads, and that has created a widespread sense of resentment. Feeling powerless in the face of losing their own heritage and identity, many have responded with anger and hatred.
With great intentions in their hearts, civil rights leaders have responded by feeding the flame of outrage already burning on the other side, and by pointing out the differences that separate the cultures. In an era of politically correct talk and affirmative action, it is very common to hear labels chosen by the very same people who feel singled out.
The black community still refers to itself as African-American, the Hispanic community as Hispanic-American, and the Asian community as Asian-American.
Something is wrong with that picture: by labeling the cultures we promote separateness. Americans are Americans, regardless of their heritage. My children were born in America and call themselves American, even if their heritage is entirely Italian and British.
Maybe, if the politically correct way of labeling people applies to the whole, they should call themselves Italian-British-Americans.
If we truly look at the origin of things, then the only true Americans are the native Indians; the rest of us are just imports, no matter when our boats approached the shores of our beautiful country.
As far as human value is concerned, if one wraps a beautiful gift in different shaped boxes or colored paper, the gift inside the packages still remains the same.
What’s important is not getting stuck on the wrapping.
Racial acceptance and peaceful co-habitation have to begin within ourselves. If we feel that we can contribute something to society and to each other through the beauty of our individual qualities, then we can move forward and build a new foundation for our children’s future. There is beauty within every culture, and good that can be found within the heart of every person, regardless of race, creed or financial status.
As intelligent and reasonable human beings, we need to start with ourselves and lead by example. We preach that the best way to teach our children is by praising their efforts and focusing on their good qualities, yet we have no problem in lashing out at each other for our mistakes when it comes to adult interactions.
By focusing on what brings us together, rather than what sets us apart, we can open a new door to united and symbiotic living which can only positively affect the future of our nation, and set an example to the rest of the world.
And when we forget how we should relate to each other, may God bless the Goose.