The Purpose of Anger

“The angry people are those who are most afraid.” ~ Dr. Robert Anthony


When I spoke with a friend, yesterday, she mentioned that if she could get rid of anger, her world would be perfect. After I hung up the phone, I gave her affirmation some thought. Indeed, anger is a powerful force, able to blind and push even the most leveled person toward the unthinkable. In classic literature, anger was one of the beasts Dante Alighieri met at the entrance of hell, and in modern times many have pictured anger as a dark manifestation of human nature which must be overpowered if one is to rise above earthly chains toward the light.

Superficial anger is easy to manage. All one needs to do is to take a deep breath, choose to remain calm in spite of occurrences, and find the time, sooner rather than later, to deal with the feelings. It is a little more difficult, however, to deal with old anger; not necessarily because we can’t suppress it, but mostly because we can’t identify its source.

Anger is not a disease, but it is a symptom, and it should not be ignored. Our minds let us know, in a powerful way, that some issues we have dealt with are still in need of resolution and closure. If we ignore the request, the wounded self is forced to employ stronger means in the desperate attempt to communicate with the conscious mind. If ignored again, anger turns inward, and it manifests into physical and emotional illness.

In the beginning of a crisis, anger is a powerful reservoir of energy, and it allows us to stay above the waters of self-pity. Once the crisis has passed, however, anger must be allowed to leave. If not released, it gets stored into a subconscious file and forgotten, but just because it is forgotten does not mean that it is deleted; when we least expect it, the file is opened, and what happened yesterday blends with the experiences of today.

Although the reasons that trigger anger can be countless, the root of most of them is fear – fear of being alone, of rejection, of poverty, of not being loved and accepted. When trying to “pull” and “delete” the anger files from the drawer, it helps if we can be honest with ourselves and push aside feelings of guilt. We might be angry because we feel constricted in our lifestyle, or because we feel we deserve more, or even because we feel victimized or not recognized for our talents; since early childhood we are taught that good boys and girls don’t complain and we must be happy with the little we receive, even if it doesn’t feel like enough. Being “greedy” and “ungrateful” triggers guilt; in return, guilt causes us to become angry at ourselves for not being good.

Anger should therefore be honored for its purpose, asked to come to the surface and felt in every cell of our being before we can send it on its way with gratitude. As for most other things, it is helpful if we try to fill the void caused by the removal of each anger file by planting something positive to ensure that the vacancy won’t be filled by more unwanted energy.

Anger is not our enemy, but rather it is a friend screaming to be acknowledged and heard.

Breaking the Code of Human Drama

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.” ~ James Earl Jones


Mostly anyone who’s been around small children for any length of time has had the opportunity to see just how frustrated they become when they can’t properly express what they are trying to convey – they give in to anger and often lash out at the nearest target, or they become aloof and standoffish. Once their communication skills improve with age, their anti-social behaviors become more manageable.

A couple of days ago, one poster mentioned the fact that her father had not connected much with her and her siblings during her childhood, and for years the children had believed that their father didn’t love them. In reality, their father had cared for them deeply, but he simply didn’t know how to express his feelings.

Externalizing emotions is a learned process, as much as anything else. If one is raised in a home in which emotions are constantly guarded, they never really learn how to manage their own – they will either keep their own feelings on lock-down or they will explode in the opposite direction and allow their emotions to run out of control.

The same concept applies to a vast variety of emotions, and it is quite interesting how a display of certain responses is often the key to understanding the triggers behind one’s behavior. For example, if someone was often rebuked for being “dramatic”, they might become aloof as a direct result of the gradual conditioning, but the flair for drama will surface in different ways, such as being frequently ill or victimized somehow.

Expressing emotions has often been associated with being “weak”, and we are taught since early age that the best way to deal with negative emotions is to repress them before they take over our rational thinking. While keeping emotions in check - at a time when the free expression of them would be equal to social suicide - is often necessary, those very same feelings should be analyzed at a later time when we can do so privately. Unresolved feelings don’t just disappear; rather, they morph and pop back up when we least expect them like a Jack-in-a-box, disguised in such a way that we no longer recognize them for what they are.

James Redgrave has done a wonderful job describing the different types of human drama, and how they relate to each other. For example, if dad was an intimidator you may act as a 'poor me' back. If mom was an interrogator, you are likely to be aloof to her. Rather than getting angry at people for their behavior, it is more useful to determine what is possibly causing them to act that way.

Just knowing that others often relate to us in certain ways because they are unable to classify and express their emotions should give us an edge in shifting our focus, and teach us that we can’t assume how another feels unless we can think with their heads and feel with their hearts.