Double Vision

Many cultures believe the perspective-perception concept is one of the most important life lessons. In African lore, for example, one of the most well-known entities is Eshu.
Eshu is a trickster god, a benevolent-yet-prankster spirit, who confuses people in order to impart knowledge and teach fundamental life lessons.

In one of the folk stories, Eshu walks down a dirt road between two rivaling farms. He wears a red and black hat; the hat is black on one side, red on the other. After he has passed the farms and can no longer be seen, the two farmers come together, asking questions about the stranger with the hat. The first farmer insists that he saw a stranger wearing a black hat, while the second farmer insists he saw the same stranger, with the same clothes, but he swears up and down that the hat was red. As the two farmers continue arguing about the color of the hat, the stranger comes walking back up the road, this time in the opposite direction.

The farmers then realize they were both right; they saw what was in front of them and assumed the other person saw the exact same thing. They never considered the perspective from the other side.

It is hard to understand or believe the other side if we don’t make an effort to see things from their point of observation. We waste energy trying to convince others of the validity of our opinion, but don’t realize that their own standing is simply supported by a different foundation. If we keep one eye closed we can only see one half of the world surrounding us, and we miss out on many opportunities to widen our vision.

By changing our perspective we can change our perception of reality.

Birthday Reflections

Somebody had observed that they would like to read something about me and what I have accomplished, rather than always reading the stories I write about community and others.
I figured this would be a day as good as any others; maybe better, even, since today is my birthday. Yep, I am a ripe 39 today, and totally happy with it.
Really, there is not much about my life.
I moved to the States from Italy in November 1988 following a puppy love, and Raleigh has since been my home. My husband was in the military in Pisa, Italy, when we met.
I suppose language was my greatest challenge. When I met John (my husband) at the beach, I had bought a cassette course in English, and worked my behind off to learn as much as I could so that we could communicate.
When we got married and I moved here it was yet more challenging. The language learned on cassettes and the colorful spoken treasure of the south were two beasts unknown to each other.
Yet, I was determined. I read everything I could get my hands on, and tried to talk to as many people as possible, even making a fool of myself at times, when they could not understand me, or I couldn't understand them.
Since I left Italy right after High School, I decided to attend NC State. At the time, I also had to work full time, to make ends meet, so those years were so busy that they are almost blurred in my mind.
John and I worked and saved. We bought a small house, had one child. Then, we started a business, bought a bigger house and had two more children.
Meanwhile, I spent my free (few!) hours writing. Writing had always been my innermost passion from the heart, but I didn't feel confident enough to really go public with it yet.
As my kids got a bit older, I found I had more time on my hands; the business was pretty settled, my husband always at work, and my children always busy.
So, I wrote a novel. Just for fun. Just to pass time. When it was completed I let a few friends read it and they liked it. They suggested I try to publish it but I waved them off.
By then, however, they had planted the seed. I started thinking about publishing my work, and began looking for a literary agent. I was rejected more times than I care to count, mostly because I had no other writing credit, so even then, I have to credit my stubborness for continuing.
Finally, in May of this year I signed up with a literary agent.
By then I had two books under my belt, so we began working together toward finalizing both projects.
Both books were just announced yesterday on Publishers Markeplace, and also sent to several publishers, so now I am obviously keeping my fingers and toes crossed!
I guess that's all there is to me.
On a more personal note, I was raised in an average family, and everyone has always been very supportive of me. I grew up in a very spiritual environment, and most of the rules I live by today are the very same rules I learned when I was a child. I try to live my life in peace, respecting myself and others. That said, I have had challenges just like everyone else, but my deep spiritual faith has been the glue which has always kept me together.
Today, my time is shared between raising my children, who are now 13, 10 and almost 4, writing, talking to people about spiritual stuff, and helping my husband out in his business from time to time.
So, this is my life. It is not glamorous, or anything special to the eyes of the world, but it's a life that has been good to me, and I am thankful every time I open my eyes to a new day.

Learning From Our Children

I think everyone agrees that children teach us many lessons.
Through them we learn the meaning of true love, patience and tolerance. One thing that’s certain, life with children is never dull.
One of my sons had struggled a bit with OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, while growing up. For those who don’t know, OCD is a condition which is mild enough to not really qualify as a disease, yet it causes quite a bit of discomfort, as the person affected is obsessed in repeating things until they get them perfectly. It could be categorized as a more severe case of nervous tics, and is often confused with Turrette Syndrome. During the time we tried to get this condition under control – until my son was old enough to learn how to control certain impulses – he was very uncomfortable with it, as he felt compelled to indulge certain mechanical actions repeatedly and was having difficulties at school because of it, both academically and socially.
Today, Michael no longer struggles with OCD. Time and therapy have worked their magic, and he is now in full control. The tics are gone, and the uncomfortable impulses toward achieving sheer perfection are a thing of the past.
Yet, that brief brush with OCD served a purpose in Michael’s life and, by extension, in the lives of the people close to him.
About a week ago, we were sitting in the kitchen having a cup of tea after Michael got home from school, and we were talking about all the things that had happened in his day.
He told me about a new child who just came to the school, and said that he feels bad for him because the new kid is different and others make fun of him. I asked why he felt the child was different, and Michael said that he “makes strange noises and odd faces”. He spoke about the times he has seen this kid sitting alone and people whispering around, snickering, and related this situation to the time in his life when he felt embarrassed around friends who made fun of him because of his condition. But what truly opened my heart was when Michael sat there, cup of tea in hand and big, blue eyes opened wide to convey a stronger message, and said that he might not feel so bad about this if he hadn’t experienced being ridiculed himself because of something he could not help.
Michael’s condition taught him compassion, and opened his eyes to the fact that one has to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, sometimes, to truly understand how others feel.
He understood that it is very painful to be shunned and made fun of, and also realized that some things can be overcome.
Since that conversation, Michael and the new child have become friends, and I am sure that this friendship will teach good things to both of them in the long run.
When talking about his future, Michael has always said he would like to be a song writer, but he has now added a new idea. He mentioned that he would like to work in mental health care.
No matter what his future choices will be, I know he will be the best he can be at whatever he does.
And I know he will make a difference in someone’s life because, at a very young age, he found the key to the door of compassion.