Judge Not - A Reflection on Interfering in the Lives of Others

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think yours is the only path.” ~ Paulo Coelho


Yesterday afternoon I was talking to someone who’s struggling with her conscience about not being able to help a friend in need. After we talked for a while, my friend explained some of the problems her friend is having, and asked what I would do in her place if, like her, I couldn’t afford to give the friend financial support. After helping this lady on several occasions in the past, she is unable to help her with the current crisis, and she feels as if she is abandoning her friend to an unkind destiny.

My first question to her was about faith. The majority of us live our lives without ever even figuring out our own purpose on earth; could we possibly be aware of the purpose others came to fulfill? One of the greatest lessons most spiritual paths teach us is to not judge, but I believe that through time and multiple translations of sacred texts, the main meaning of that lesson has been lost, or in the least, greatly changed.

Not judging others doesn’t only mean that we shouldn’t judge their actions against our scale of right and wrong, but rather, it also means that we shouldn’t judge their potential, or their need to be living a specific reality. The people we so badly wish to help might have the means to help themselves, if empowered enough by the unfolding of events; by denying them the chance of standing on their own, we also deprive them of the ability to discover their own strengths, and we shield them from the reality of their own poor choices, the awareness of which is fundamental to move past certain blocks. Each of us has a reservoir of creative energy, which often remains locked up until survival kicks in.

While it is hard to watch a friend go through hard times, it is important to remember that each of us have a different destiny to fulfill. We may have come to learn a lesson of patience, while our friend is instead here to learn about faith; as much as we would love to make everyone’s life better, by interfering with the process we are also slowing the course of their learning – if they don’t learn one way, since we are meddling with things, something even more challenging might come their way to finally open their eyes.

We should remain compassionate and understanding of the fact that we can’t judge the circumstances of others until we have filled their shoes, as things always look different from the outside looking in, but if we are unable to help, it may very well be a sign that we need to leave things alone. We can offer emotional support, and let our friends know we care about them; if we can relieve their hardship temporarily without passing judgment, and give them a chance to get on their feet, we should be ready and honored to do so, but in no way, shape or form, should we feel guilty for not walking their paths for them or for not having the means to help.

Allowing others to live their own destinies can be an uncomfortable experience, partly because it forces us to relinquish the control we have over people and things around us, which is a rarely acknowledged part of our security blanket. That’s when faith comes in – in the greater scheme of things, there are no wrong paths; there are just paths that aren’t right for us and our purpose. The roads others walk might appear wrong in our judgment of things, but they might be exactly what their souls need in order to evolve.

We are the captains of our own ships, but when it comes to the route of other vessels, we must trust in the fact that somewhere deep inside they are aware of their own destinations, and perfectly capable to sail through the crashing waves.

Wishing for Others

“I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them.” ~ Herbert Henry Lehman


A few days ago, a friend sent me a note with the following sentence: “I wish for you what you wish for yourself.” I immediately liked it, but it was only after I thought about it for a while that I realized how truly profound those few words are.

Many times, while wishing someone something, or while praying for other people, we tend to customize the wishes we have according to what we believe it is best for them.

In reality, nobody can really know what is right or wrong for someone else. Each person lives a unique life, and is the product of a unique pattern of circumstances. Even if we have seen a similar pattern before in someone else, all it takes is one small difference in the type of personality or in the way the person internalizes information, to dramatically change how certain events will affect this individual’s life compared to others who have walked in those very same shoes before.

When we can accept that each person has a different path to walk, we enable ourselves to love them unconditionally, and to wish them well for their greater good, without making any assumptions. What we believe to be their greater good, might in fact not be good for them at all, and could hinder their growth.

Each person has different things to learn, and by being free to follow the course of action they have mapped for themselves, they are able to fail or succeed – either way, they will assimilate what they must.

It is easy to worry about a friend or a loved one if they are walking down a path we perceive as negative, but it would be more helpful to them if we could just focus on sending them unconditional love and support to accompany them on their journey, rather than charting a new route for them which is only fit for us.

Some people need a detour before they can reach their destination, and their timing might be different than ours, but in the end not one path is necessarily wrong – just different and specifically customized for the individual’s life experience.

We can control what happens in our own lives, to some extent, but laying claim on the destiny and the choices of others – especially when our flow of love is directly proportional to their decisions – hinders the growth of all.

Live your life and love unconditionally. And when the urge of judging the actions and choices of another surges, it’s important to remember that we are only human - limited sight and arrogance can only cloud our better judgment.

Namaste

"I honor the place in you where Spirit lives. I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Truth, of Light, of Peace; when you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, then we are Truly One." ~ Author Unknown


The first time I heard the word “Namaste” was in a chant on tape I had purchased as a meditation aid. Although the vibrations of the word were very peaceful and definitely a mood enhancer, I had no idea what the word itself meant. I decided to do a little research on Namaste – what I found definitely made me appreciate the moment I purchased the tape.

Namaste is a beautiful expression which represents the belief of a Divine spark being present within each of us. Interpretations of this word include: 'The God in me greets the God in you", or "The Spirit in me meets the Spirit in you". Regardless of definitions, this very amazing word clearly states that we are all connected as one, and we should recognize and acknowledge that Spirit in each other. Granted, sometimes it is hard to see that spark in others. It can become so deeply buried under layers of earthly illusion that we readily assume some people have lost their light. Yet, they never do. As long as a breath of life exists within the body, the light of Spirit is ever present.

For some the light has become so dim they can no longer identify it within themselves, and may need the light of others to guide them back to the source. With the flame of one candle we can light a room full of them, if we pass the flame around. There is no reason why people can’t do the same. Each of us has that power. And what about those people whose only purpose in life appears to be that of creating strife and heartache? Are they a faulty product of the mind of Creation, or is crossing paths with them simply a test we must surpass before we strengthen the flame within ourselves?

Being able to recognize the presence of a Divine spark in all is exhilarating in the least. Our ego pushes for us to become isolated through fear, doubt, earthly judgment – sharing such a bond with all faces of creation is synonymous of never being alone.

No matter who crosses our path today – nice or bitter that they may be – let’s make an effort to greet them with “Namaste”. We do not need to do so out loud or overtly, but can just whisper it to ourselves. Their ears may not hear us, but the Divine being living inside of them will acknowledge the greeting, and will certainly nod in recognition of having met a kindred Spirit, if only for a moment.

The Kitten and The Crow

Since early childhood, we are conditioned to classify everything we run across, especially people we meet on our journey. Although some of us benefit from an upbringing which allows a few shades of gray in between, the majority are most often inclined toward a much defined distinction.

We are taught that some people are our friends, and others are enemies; some are good and some are evil; many are worthy of receiving our trust and just as many are not. Our judgment of individuals and situations is often based on criteria we have inherited from our caregivers, tossed with a sprinkle of personal experiences.

Would our reaction be the same, had we been taught differently? Could we be more willing to trust some that don’t readily fit into our mold of acceptance, if we hadn’t been trained to immediately qualify and quantify those we meet? Is our tolerance for others dictated by nature, or is it a product of nurture?

A very unusual couple of friends – a kitten and a young crow – teach us that it is possible to trust and love someone we would normally consider an enemy. The following video is a bit lengthy, but definitely worth watching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JiJzqXxgxo

I would assume that when their paths first crossed, the crow and the kitten were both lost and uncertain how to feel – each of them was a blank board. Since neither could rely on the guidance of an adult of their species, they followed their natural instincts in judging one another.

Each of them was naturally geared to have quite dissimilar lives and needs, yet, without a teacher pushing them to focus on their differences, they were able to establish a common denominator: their individual need for love and nurturing common to all species.

It is possible to rise above pre-set standards and see that blessings can be found in the most unexpected of places. Inside each enemy lives a potential friend we haven’t met yet, if we can just look past the obvious and “see” with our hearts. The kitten and the crow would certainly vouch for that.