Along Came A Spider...

Along came a spider…and it built a huge web right in front of my door. And when I say huge, I don’t mean it the way a fisherman would when describing his catch. When I say huge, I mean a king-size spread of sticky goodness which could trap a grown man and make him scream for his mommy.

Interestingly enough, I didn’t even notice the web at first, when I went out to place a new umbrella over my patio table. It was my son – a big boy of almost sixteen who secretly dreams of being a Ninja and claims to be afraid of nothing – that jumped a foot off the floor when he went to close the door and saw the spider proudly guarding its work of art an inch away from his face.

At first instinct I thought of removing the uninvited guest and ask him to find a room elsewhere, possibly really far away; but then, given that Morgan asked to have a Halloween birthday party, I decided to leave it alone and treat it as a nearly perfect Halloween decoration. After all, who am I to spit on a free, suggestive bit of decoration?

Jokes aside, my decision to keep the spider and even go as far as finding it a name (don’t laugh, the name is Charlie – suggested by my son in honor of Charlotte from Charlotte’s web), is actually a personal confirmation. Several years ago I was terrified of spiders, and while over time I came to accept that for some strange, arcane reason, they too had to have a purpose in the greater scheme of all things, I never forgave whoever is in charge of deciding the shape and look of living things for making spiders look so creepy and hideous. At some point of my life I have believed that if I was chased by a murdering maniac with a knife, and my only escape path was through a thick patch of woods in late summer, then I would have gladly stopped and asked to be stabbed. That’s how terribly afraid of spiders I was! Well, things have changed. I still think spiders are hideous, but while I wouldn’t pet them, I can now peacefully cohabitate with them.

So, our pet/owner relationship began (monster/crazy woman sounds closer to reality, but cut me a little slack here, will you?), and while I waited for Morgan to get home from school I brew a pot of coffee and sat at the kitchen table with the newspaper. Once in a while I raised my eyes to look at Charlie, completely immobile in the center of his web, and I couldn’t help but marveling at the perfection and beauty of what he had created. And not only that…I quickly realized that Charlie surely had one of me: Patience. The poor soul clung in the middle of that web for hours, before an unsuspecting insect finally gave itself up as a mid-afternoon snack.

The spider waited. And then it waited some more. All along, it had no certainty that anything would fly near and would be attracted to the flowery illusion of its web, but in the end, its effort and patience were rewarded. A juicy insect was drawn to the web like a sailor charmed by the melodious voice of a siren, and before it even knew what happened, its time had come. The spider waited some more, to give the insect the chance to tire out, before wrapping it into a silky grave.

By the time I looked away from the mesmerizing scene, it was too late to read any articles – Morgan’s bus was due to arrive in just a few minutes. So, I left to go welcome my daughter home, all the while thinking about the spider and its unbelievable patience. Good things come to those who wait, someone claimed. I’m sure Charlie would agree.

Letting Go (Repost)

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” ~Anon


There are many things I envision doing in the two hours I normally have for myself, after my children go to bed. Fixing items is definitely not one of them.

After dinner, my daughter decided she was going to measure every piece of furniture in the living room, every knick-knack on tables and cabinets, and even her dad, who was lying oblivious on the couch watching television. She was on a mission. Tape measurer in one hand, and pencil and paper in the other, she set out to work with a tiny frown on her forehead to indicate she was completely absorbed into the task at hand. But alas, after a few measurements, the tape was excessively pulled, and it detached from the case. Of course, we had now a new project at hand – fixing the tape measurer.

One would easily assume that a simple gadget that can be purchased at Wal-Mart for $3.99 would have a simple inner mechanism, but as I discovered, even the under-age workers employed in sweat-shops overseas must have one over me. After my daughter had finally unscrewed the thing, I set out to patiently wind it up, coming to the conclusion that winding a hungry venomous snake would have certainly been easier. Once I had accomplished that infernal task, I realized that, instead than being pulled in, the tape was being spat out! So I looked at it again, and saw that the little wheel in the inside had to be wound in the opposite direction first. I did that. Satisfied with my apparent illusion of sudden geniality, I got ready to put the lid on, when I realized the tape got caught somewhere. I undid it again, and wrapped it around twice, only to discover I had it wrapped in the wrong direction. I carefully held the inside wheel, and proceeded to go in the other direction, when the little tongue holding the tape snapped!

I just stood there with the tape in my hand, dumbstruck for a few seconds. I finally had figured out the ins and outs of the problem at hand, and a few seconds before reaching the finish line, here I was…a winner with no trophy. In that moment I could probably have burned a hole into the blessed thing with my eyes, then I looked up at my husband, who just sat on the couch, staring at me as if I had lost my mind. Instantly, I saw myself through his eyes – a grown woman fighting a roll of tape for well over half an hour – and busted out laughing. A roll of measuring tape? $3.99 The satisfaction of throwing it in the dumpster? Priceless.

Amazingly, even measuring tape can teach a good life lesson. Many times we simply try too hard. Some things just aren’t meant to be, and regardless of how hard we try to get them to work out, they will only waste precious energy we could have invested elsewhere. Effort and determination are winning qualities, and do, often, lead to success, but when resistance is so bad that every move feels like a step deeper into quicksand, it is time to cut the losses and move on to more promising projects, trusting that for each closed door, two windows will open.

The situations we have given our best to, but didn’t work out, probably had a different purpose for being there – they might have taught us a lesson, or they simply were there to remind us that some things are out of our control and must be allowed to go.

Letting go of something that is an obvious closed chapter is not a sign of failure; it is acceptance that a new direction might be a better choice.



I will be offline the next few days, as I am trying to focus on two projects that are due soon. “See” you back on Monday.

Not a Moment Too Soon (repost)

“Life is all about timing…the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable becomes available, and the unattainable becomes attainable. Have the patience, wait it out; it’s all about timing.” ~ Stacey Charter

While I was driving, yesterday, I noticed a small fly on my car window. It walked the length and width of the glass several times, occasionally stopping as if to think of a new plan of action. Suddenly, it took off from the glass and flew around the car for a while, just to land back on the same spot.

I knew that if I opened the window while the car was in motion the rush of air would have simply pushed it back, so I waited until I found a red light. I lowered the glass slowly and waited for fly to walk up toward the rim, then, opened it completely and watched the tiny insect fly off to live the rest of its destiny.

I wonder what the fly felt in those few moments, as it looked for a way out when none seemed available. Freedom appeared near, yet no matter how hard it tried to get out, no effort seemed good enough. Until the timing for release was right - although the fly was ready to go the moment it spotted the light outside the glass, all other conditions were not optimal at that time.

In the greater scheme of things, as we go through life we are not too different than the tiny fly in my car. We see the things we would like to achieve but feel something out of our control is stopping us from getting there; we convince ourselves that poor luck or outside occurrences are to blame for our lack of achievement, but rarely realize that what we wish may be eluding us simply because the timing is off.

I remember thinking that once, when as a child I had gone to visit one of my mother’s aunts who had an apricot tree. It appeared to me that every time we went the fruits were never ripe enough to pick, but it wasn’t the tree’s fault – we were simply going too early in the season. The tree had to first awaken in the spring, the leaves had to form on the branches, the flowers had to blossom, and finally they had to turn into fruits. Even after the whole metamorphosis, more time was needed for the fruits to ripen. It wasn’t bad luck, or lack of ability – it was just too early for the apricots to be ready.

When something seems to be resisting our efforts, and we have already done what we could to get things in motion, continuing to bang on a dead door will not bring in any quicker results; if anything, it will add to our frustration, as everything follows an order of things that is not for us to determine. Although shadowed by the things we consider more important, there are plenty of things in or daily routine that can use our direct attention. Focusing on those seemingly less important tasks or goals frees our minds from the anxiety associated with waiting, and allows us to take a brief mental vacation.

There is a time for everything, largely outside of our individual control. What is truly important is that we don’t give up on what is important to us. We must continue to hope and know that good things come to those who wait – just not always in the time they have erroneously chosen.

Down to the Single Units

“When you're feeling down just hold your head up high and don't think of the whole big thing. Just focus on doing one thing at a time. You'll see that you will accomplish a lot, if not everything at the end of the day.” ~ Author unknown

Occasionally, when I go shopping for groceries I also purchase a small bouquet of flowers to display on the kitchen table. There is something special about fresh flowers in the winter – their fragrance can turn the grayest of days into a sudden burst of spring.

Yesterday I brought home a bouquet of mixed field flowers. I removed the wrap and looked for scissors to trim the ends. I couldn’t find the “good” pair, so I had to settle for the ones that don’t cut too well. When I tried to cut the stems they only bent, so I tried to apply more pressure to see if it would help; again, the stems bent a bit more but still remained attached to the flowers. I gave up my original thought of cutting the bunch of them and focused on severing one at a time. When I tried to cut just one, the blades of the scissors went through the single stem like a knife cutting butter. If I had followed that approach from the beginning, instead than trying to get all the stems cut at the same time, I would have finished sooner rather than later.

Many of us approach most tasks in the same fashion, only to become discouraged and overwhelmed by the mere thought of getting started. We try to tackle the whole array of tasks as a collective unit, and end up just getting irritated by our inability to succeed.

Huge undertakings are seen as a wall looming in front of us, which will suck our life energy as we try to either climb over it or remove it from our path. It is significant to remember that no matter how solid the wall might appear, it is not a large single unit we are powerless against, but rather a group of many smaller units connected together to form a larger structure. We might not be able to move the wall from the path as a whole, but we are certainly strong enough to remove one brick at a time.

When we feed energy toward removing the whole wall, we set ourselves up for failure and create an excuse why we shouldn’t even attempt. If, instead, we pace ourselves and focus on removing one brick at a time, we are able to direct our energy where it will make a difference.

We could push the wall for hours without moving it an inch and easily fall into the grip of frustration, but we can instantly see the brick taken from its original position and moved where we want it. With each brick that we move, we wall is less threatening. Small successes can add up and trigger strong feelings of self-satisfaction and worth, as we are able to see results of our applied effort almost immediately.

So whether we are facing cutting the stems of a bouquet of flowers, removing debris from our path, losing unwanted weight, or facing a daunting task of any nature, it is helpful if we break the structure of what we are hoping to conquer into small units that we can focus on one at a time. By doing so we are not neglecting the whole, but rather we are ensuring that each part of it is properly addressed and polished to perfection.

Not A Moment Too Soon

“Life is all about timing…the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable becomes available, and the unattainable becomes attainable. Have the patience, wait it out; it’s all about timing.” ~ Stacey Charter

While I was driving, yesterday, I noticed a small fly on my car window. It walked the length and width of the glass several times, occasionally stopping as if to think of a new plan of action. Suddenly, it took off from the glass and flew around the car for a while, just to land back on the same spot.

I knew that if I opened the window while the car was in motion the rush of air would have simply pushed it back, so I waited until I found a red light. I lowered the glass slowly and waited for fly to walk up toward the rim, then, opened it completely and watched the tiny insect fly off to live the rest of its destiny.

I wonder what the fly felt in those few moments, as it looked for a way out when none seemed available. Freedom appeared near, yet no matter how hard it tried to get out, no effort seemed good enough. Until the timing for release was right - although the fly was ready to go the moment it spotted the light outside the glass, all other conditions were not optimal at that time.

In the greater scheme of things, as we go through life we are not too different than the tiny fly in my car. We see the things we would like to achieve but feel something out of our control is stopping us from getting there; we convince ourselves that poor luck or outside occurrences are to blame for our lack of achievement, but rarely realize that what we wish may be eluding us simply because the timing is off.

I remember thinking that once, when as a child I had gone to visit one of my mother’s aunts who had an apricot tree. It appeared to me that every time we went the fruits were never ripe enough to pick, but it wasn’t the tree’s fault – we were simply going too early in the season. The tree had to first awaken in the spring, the leaves had to form on the branches, the flowers had to blossom, and finally they had to turn into fruits. Even after the whole metamorphosis, more time was needed for the fruits to ripen. It wasn’t bad luck, or lack of ability – it was just too early for the apricots to be ready.

When something seems to be resisting our efforts, and we have already done what we could to get things in motion, continuing to bang on a dead door will not bring in any quicker results; if anything, it will add to our frustration, as everything follows an order of things that is not for us to determine. Although shadowed by the things we consider more important, there are plenty of things in or daily routine that can use our direct attention. Focusing on those seemingly less important tasks or goals frees our minds from the anxiety associated with waiting, and allows us to take a brief mental vacation.

There is a time for everything, largely outside of our individual control. What is truly important is that we don’t give up on what is important to us. We must continue to hope and know that good things come to those who wait – just not always in the time they have erroneously chosen.

The Lady at the Airport

"Our entire life consists ultimately in accepting ourselves as we are.” ~ Jean Anouilh

(Please note: The recent blog entries are being posted approximately one week belatedly; in case mention of events do not coincide with calendar date. :) We're double posting to get caught up!)

Yesterday my parents flew back to Europe. While we were at the airport, I glanced at a woman sitting on a wheelchair right beside the row of seats my parents had chosen, and when I saw her dropping her purse on the floor, I rushed to pick up her belongings and handed them back to her, to which she responded with a bright smile and a twinkle in her eyes. She thanked me profusely, and asked where my parents were from.

I explained they live in Italy, and she told me that she had studied arts in Florence before the accident that crippled her. She said that living in Italy showed her the way life should be lived – more easy-going and in the moment – and she recalled turning those observations into practice once she found out she could no longer walk. “I used to live in the fast lane” she said, “and never stopped long enough to realize how much I had taken for granted.”

I could only nod, so she took a sip of her drink and continued. “See this coke?’ she asked, “I never really took the time to notice how it really tastes. Before, a coke was just something pleasant to sip. Now, no matter what I taste or endure, I try to fully live the different nuances of my experiences.”

I asked her how not being able to walk made her feel, and expected a victimized reply. Instead, I was in for a surprise.

She quietly watched a little boy as he struggled to drag his backpack and keep up with his mother, and a soft smile formed on her lips. “See? I would never have noticed that before I became unable to walk. Now, everything I see, feel, touch, taste, or experience, is a joy and an inspiration. Being crippled taught me how to live.”

She mentioned being bitter in the beginning, and going through depression when she first learned of her predicament, but she had learned how to accept the things she could not change. She had decided soon after that she would live for the moment and would cherish every experience, knowing that things hardly ever happen by chance.

After I returned to my seat, I couldn’t help, once I a while, looking at the lady as she watched the other passengers rush by. There was peace in her eyes, and she radiated happiness. Her appreciation for life hadn’t come from the things she no longer could do, but the ones that were available to her now.

Through her tragedy, this woman had discovered patience, humility and serenity – her obstacles had been nothing more than opportunities dressed in a dreary costume.

She had lost her legs, but on that fateful day, her true being had grown wings of love. And never before had she been that free.

Instant Reward vs Long-Term Benefits

“Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.” ~ Author Unknown

Yesterday I had the best time talking to my daughter and two of her little friends, as they were telling me what they want to be when they grow up. Although Princess was definitely on top of the chart, the next two hot personas on the “want to be” list were mommy and model.

That fun talk made me think about all the projects that we envision and give up because of obstacles and hardship. Are obstacles the main reason for abandoning our goals? Or could it be that instant reward often gets in the way of our allegiance to the original plan?

Humans are naturally creatures of comfort, and will choose the easy path that will cause the least amount of unease. Unless we are able to exercise a good dose of self-discipline, most of us are inclined to take the easy road and succumb to the temptation of instant reward.

Long-term benefits offer a reward which is often in our greater interest but might take months or years to solidify, while temporary satisfaction manifest immediately but is likely not what we need in the long run. When we give in to temptation we feel momentarily exhilarated, but quickly develop feelings of guilt as we feel that we have cheated ourselves. Instant reward can come in the form of indulgence or as a band-aid – regardless of which we act upon, we feel frustrated with ourselves and are more likely to give in on future occasions.

There are ways to build a stronger resolve. One of them is to set small goals for ourselves - not too far down the road - and stick with them, independently from the fires that erupt around us. We can increase the amount of time between the original plan and the reward and continue telling ourselves that it is only a temporary state of discomfort.

Everything can be overcome one step at a time, if we accept that life itself is dynamic and thus on a constant energy shift. If I was to wake up tomorrow morning and someone told me to quit smoking forever, I would find that thought overwhelming; if, instead, I was told to quit for a day, or an hour at a time, I could summon the resolve to follow through for such a short time. We can’t keep our mind focused on forever but everyone can sacrifice for one day.

Maybe, then, our long-term reward can become a much closer goal – one we can feel comfortable sticking with in preparation of bigger things to come.

Two Trash Cans at a Time

“It is a fact that in the right formation, the lifting power of many wings can achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.” ~Author Unknown

I love gardening. There is something very magical about watching a small plant grow and thrive, and finally bloom in an explosion of mesmerizing colors. I create a mental image of what my yard will look like before I even go to the store, and carefully pick out my plants to match the vision.

What I don’t like is getting the flower beds ready for planting. Once springtime approaches, I walk outside several times and sigh at the task ahead, often postponing weed pulling one more day. Needless to say, rain is my friend – not specifically because it softens the ground or helps the grass grow, but mostly because if it’s raining I have an excuse to postpone the work even longer.

A few days ago, my parents arrived from Italy. Those who personally know my mother also know that keeping her away from a yard in need of help is harder than keeping a child away from candy at the check-out line of the grocery store.

Today, after we spent the first few days after my parents’ arrival at home, she finally sneaked out into the yard to soak in the sunshine. And five minutes hadn’t passed before she kneeled down to pull the first weed.

It all escalated from that moment on – she called my father outside and asked him to help her out. When I walked outside with three steaming cups of coffee, both of them were deeply engrossed in the task at hand. As I stood there, I felt awkward just watching, so I finished my coffee and went to work with them.

We all worked together and filled the trash cans I normally reserve for yard waste in no time. I told my parents how much I appreciated their help, as images of a beautiful, manicured yard quickly began to race through my mind. I mentioned that we still had a lot to do, and my mom simply responded: “true, we still have more work to get done to get everything up to par, but two hours ago these two trash cans were empty. We are only in the beginning stages and it’s hard to see results now, but you can begin to imagine what it will look like once it’s finished. We are two steps closer to getting it done.”

We often give up when we don’t see tangible results, because we don’t realize that even if our goal is not fully achieved, things are still moving beneath the surface toward the realization of our hopes and dreams.

A little nudging from the outside and team work can easily motivate us to jump in and do our part. When working together it's easy to get things accomplished and realize that even some of the hardest work can be fun - moment by moment, and two trash cans at a time.

The Dormant Seed

The story of the bamboo and the fern tells of a man who, after losing all hope, goes to God and asks for one final reason why he should not quit on life; God tells him to look around at the bamboo and the fern. When He planted the seeds – God explains – the fern sprouted almost immediately, and continued to prosper more each year; the bamboo seed, on the contrary, did not sprout or do anything for five years. Yet, when it finally broke out of the ground, it grew to heights previously unimagined. The time it remained dormant, the seed was never idle; it simply used that time to incubate within the warm womb of the earth and grow strong roots.
The things that truly mean something in our lives are not the ones that sprout immediately. Our love and dedication, our passion and determination incubate and lay powerful roots which will allow our creations to have a long prosperous life.
Kids are a wonderful example of this concept. Often, we don’t see the results of our teachings until our children make their own way into the world. Although we may question our own parenting skills while we are raising them and walk with them through the many challenging phases of growing up, the values, morals and concepts we instill in them lay dormant within, and use the time to develop a root system which will support them once they are out on their own.
The same applies to any project we feel passionate about. We may feel as if we are wasting our time by working hard toward something which is nor yielding instant gratification, but our efforts will be rewarded in due time.
Each moment we dedicate to our projects, each new thing we learn, are steps which get us a little close to the day when our dreams will finally break the hard soil and will grow proudly to heights we never imagined possible.