Crossroads (repost)

“At the Crossroads of Life did he stand, upon the very spot where North met South, where East became West...But there was confusion within his heart as to the direction he should travel.” ~Author Unknown

Elegba is one of the religious figures I hold dearest to my heart. Otherwise known as St. Michael in other systems of belief, he is revered as the keeper of doors and crossroads. In the colorful pantheon of the Orishas (God’s aides in the Yoruba tradition), Elegba is depicted as a jolly old man bearing a cane and a straw hat, willing to show the wandering traveler the blessings at the end of each path in exchange for a few coins, a cigar or a sip of hard liquor.

Crossroads always resonate powerfully with me, probably because as humans we are ever confused as to what path is best to take on our journeys. We are, for the most part, blind to all that exists at the end of each roadway, and are often equally fearful and excited to discover what’s on the other side.

As we face the unknown – more so if the obvious appears ominous – we wish and fear tomorrow with the same fiery passion. We are anxious to let go of fear, and we eagerly anticipate our meeting with that which we dread as it puts us one step ahead toward freedom; yet, tomorrow is but a question mark and a part of us wishes we could postpone whatever it will bring forever.

Safely traversing a crossroad requires that we let go of our fears and hang on to our faith. The future is indeed a blank canvas, but as such it can be colored in the vibrant hues of hope. Although we are nudged by our human nature to expect the worst, when we stand in front of a major crossroad faith must take our hand and lead us to the other side. Else, we remain paralyzed and unable to move forward, frozen in place by fear.

At each crossroad, only one path is the right one for us at that specific moment – if we are willing to listen, our heart knows which way to go. Once we are ready to let go of our illusion of control, and are willing to allow destiny to unfold as it must, acceptance becomes our island of peace in the storm.

The next time you approach a crossroad, silently acknowledge Elegba being there and if you so feel inclined, leave him a coin and ask him to guide you safely across. The rest will be up to God.

The Power of Choice

“Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind.” ~ Alice Meynell


When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to take me to ride my bike at a park near my house. One day, I fell and scraped both knees. After helping me get up, and brushing off the dirt of my bloody legs, my grandmother smiled and said: “Well, aren’t you the lucky one?” I looked at her in disbelief…here I was, one scratch away from needing stitches, and the woman was telling me I was lucky! Could she be mentally ill? Even at that young age, I remember wondering if she was going mad. Noticing my confused frown, she explained: “Look at it this way, young lady, you could have fallen and busted your head instead. I think you were pretty lucky.” Although I still had a few doubts about her sanity, those words appealed to my young mind.

She was right after all – no matter how desperate the situation seemed at the moment, it could have been worse. From that day on, my glass was most always half full. Yes, bad stuff continued to happen on occasion, but was it the absolute worst it could be? That newfound attitude saved me a lot of heartache while going through the teen years, and it truly helped me see that events are only as bad as we paint them in our minds.

To this day, every morning, I pray for one thing: to keep my inner balance alive, and see every obstacle as an opportunity. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had – at the end of it, I always feel it was a day worth living. True power is not in dominating events unfolding around us, but rather is the ability of not allowing those events to affect our core of emotions.

One of the best tricks to balance the scale is to focus our attention on a happy memory. For me, as an example, thinking of the when my younger son caught a big fish on his first fishing trip really does wonders. He was so happy! That image will forever be forged in my mind. If I think of that, and really try to concentrate on the intensity of the feeling and the brightness of his smile, I can immediately feel tension melt away. Once I have a grip on my emotions again, I continue to focus on positive thoughts, and my day magically shifts.

Hanging on to resentment or negative thoughts feeds our illusion of needing to remain angry in order to punctuate the magnitude of the event, but it is really not necessary. Dangling on the brink of a precipice has never helped anyone find solutions.

We feel inclined to change the décor of our environment if the style no longer suits us, or makes us feel uncomfortable. We remove an object and replace it with one we like more – why not do the same with our thoughts?

A Delightful Captivity

The past few days I’ve been in captivity. Being the hybrid product of a Mediterranean upbringing and southern life, I can’t drive on snow or ice; even if the main roads are by now fairly passable, my subdivision is still frozen stiff, and the kids and I are stuck at home until the big thaw.

When I first looked at the weather forecast a couple of days ago, the outlook was a dark shade of gray graduating to pitch black – temperatures rising barely above freezing during the day, and down in the teens at night were going to ensure snow on the ground for a while. For once in my life I thought that hibernation sounded mighty good.

Today is day five of my captivity in the prison I share with a few other inmates – my kids and my pets – and I can only say one thing about it all…I’ve had a blast! When I thought about it last night, I feared that cabin fever had fatally led to sheer madness, but when I reflected a little more, I understood the reason why I felt so elated.

Although I can hardly get anything done, and I spend the days either playing Candyland or reading, I can’t be expected to go anywhere, and my load of social demands has been dramatically cut in half. When we ran out of juice yesterday morning, my sons’ typical mantra would have been “Mom, are you going to the store today?” Knowing that I can’t drive anywhere, nobody even asked the question and they happily settled for water to drink. Same with driving kids around all over town; I’m sure that all mothers of teenagers can relate – we spend a great portion of our days running from place to place, from one activity to the next, until the car can almost drive itself if only given a hint of where we are going. But not the past few days…everyone was content just with sitting at home and playing in the snow. What a foreign feeling it has been to face four whole days with no schedule! And what a pleasant one, I might add.

Just the other day I was reading a discussion a few people on a different site were having about freedom. When we speak of freedom, we often focus on the restrictions experienced by individuals and countries alike. We criticize communist countries for the lack of freedom their citizens have to endure; we condemn the oppression some individuals have experienced in the past, and we constantly hear about American freedom versus the sense of freedom which exists in other societies. We can speak our minds, and we can choose our beliefs; we are free to go to school and we are encouraged to protect our civil liberties, but in the greater scheme of things, are we really free?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the following are two definitions of freedom: a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action. b : the quality or state of being exempt or released from something onerous.

Certainly, we have the choice of being free at all times, but if one looks closely at the tenets of our western societies, we will realize we are not free at all. We might not have a sword or a gun pointed at us, but more times than none we run around in circles to meet all the demands of our daily lives. And if, Heaven forbid, something can’t fit into the tight space between one demand and the next one, we feel that we have let others and ourselves down. We run and run toward no specific destination, glad to have made it a day and already fretting about the demands of the days ahead. In itself, that’s not freedom.

The solitude and forced captivity of the past few days have taught me something important – we can only fit so much into one day, and what doesn’t get done before nightfall will still be there waiting for us tomorrow. And if for one day we need to let someone down for not meeting THEIR expectation, then oh well…at least we got to play Candyland.

When the Door Closes

"No one can make you jealous, angry, vengeful, or greedy — unless you let him." ~Napolean Hill

As my husband and I were waiting for our breakfast, the day before yesterday, my attention was piqued by a woman who sat in the booth adjacent to ours; she was excitedly reporting all the rotten things her ex-husband had done to her toward the end of their relationship, and told her friend that it was his fault that she had become a bitter woman.

Since her face was completely visible through the low booth divider, I could see that she was in utter distress just thinking about the situation – her cheeks were flushed and her eyes opened wider every time she merely mentioned the man’s name.

I sincerely thought that she was talking about a relationship recently gone afloat, and was stunned when I heard her friend ask if she knew where he was, and the woman responded that she hadn’t heard from him in over two years.

Two years later she was still agonizing, and it was obvious to the naked eye. So obvious, in fact, that I felt terrible for the woman; in part because of the things that had happened to her, but mostly because she was still in such dire distress over them.

There is no doubt in my mind that the man she spoke of hurt her deeply, but by keeping him so vividly alive in her current life she continued the emotional beating he had started and had chosen to abandon two years before. It was bad enough that she had to suffer through the situation while it was happening - choosing to hang on to the pain was indeed no different than self-mutilation.

We go through many situations in life that rightfully thrust us into a momentary limbo. Once the occurrence has reached an apex and things have settled – whether through our direct choice or the unfolding of circumstances – it is our responsibility to bring closure to the distressful relationship or event. Lack of closure and unwillingness to let go of the pain are analogous to allowing the hurtful person or event to live rent-free in our head.

Regardless of how much we loved or hated the person, holding on to suffering will not bring them back, nor will it punish them for their acts. Similarly, choosing to agonize over an occurrence that should have been laid to rest long ago will not change what happened. Someone else might have chosen for us yesterday, but today we have the privilege of running our own lives.

When our food arrived we ate, and left money on the table to pay for our bill, but as we got up lo leave I couldn’t help saying a small silent prayer for the woman still sitting at the restaurant. I prayed for her to learn that she doesn’t need to hang on to the pain, and for her to see that it is okay to finally smile and say good-bye to the past.

Crossroads

“At the Crossroads of Life did he stand, upon the very spot where North met South, where East became West...But there was confusion within his heart as to the direction he should travel.” ~Author Unknown

Elegba is one of the religious figures I hold dearest to my heart. Otherwise known as St. Michael in other systems of belief, he is revered as the keeper of doors and crossroads. In the colorful pantheon of the Orishas (God’s aides in the Yoruba tradition), Elegba is depicted as a jolly old man bearing a cane and a straw hat, willing to show the wandering traveler the blessings at the end of each path in exchange for a few coins, a cigar or a sip of hard liquor.

Crossroads always resonate powerfully with me, probably because as humans we are ever confused as to what path is best to take on our journeys. We are, for the most part, blind to all that exists at the end of each roadway, and are often equally fearful and excited to discover what’s on the other side.

As we face the unknown – more so if the obvious appears ominous – we wish and fear tomorrow with the same fiery passion. We are anxious to let go of fear, and we eagerly anticipate our meeting with that which we dread as it puts us one step ahead toward freedom; yet, tomorrow is but a question mark and a part of us wishes we could postpone whatever it will bring forever.

Safely traversing a crossroad requires that we let go of our fears and hang on to our faith. The future is indeed a blank canvas, but as such it can be colored in the vibrant hues of hope. Although we are nudged by our human nature to expect the worst, when we stand in front of a major crossroad faith must take our hand and lead us to the other side. Else, we remain paralyzed and unable to move forward, frozen in place by fear.

At each crossroad, only one path is the right one for us at that specific moment – if we are willing to listen, our heart knows which way to go. Once we are ready to let go of our illusion of control, and are willing to allow destiny to unfold as it must, acceptance becomes our island of peace in the storm.

The next time you approach a crossroad, silently acknowledge Elegba being there and if you so feel inclined, leave him a coin and ask him to guide you safely across. The rest will be up to God.

A Good Cup of Life

“Knowledge is a process of piling up facts; wisdom lies in their simplification.” ~ Martin Fischer

Early morning is usually my best time of the day. It is in the first couple of hours after I wake up that interesting thoughts pierce through the fiber of my awareness as needles sharpened by the quiet hours of the night.

Yesterday morning was no different. I got up and went to the kitchen to fetch a cup of coffee, and found my husband already there. I gladly took the cup he handed me, my senses jarred by the pungent aroma of coffee. When I glimpsed inside the cup, I noticed the coffee looked darker than I normally would drink it, but said nothing and proceeded to take a sip. Not only did it look darker, it was also bitter. I asked if he had added cream and sugar and he nodded as he got ready to dive into the newspaper.

Determined to not bug him any further but hell-bent on having a good first cup of coffee, I stood up and added more cream and sugar on my own. I stirred them in and tried again…absolutely disgusting. The coffee looked pale as a ghost, and was entirely too sweet. I realized then that my husband had indeed added cream and sugar – he had simply not stirred the coffee after he did.

Similarly, when blessings and wisdom are bestowed upon us, we don’t readily see them or acknowledge them until we “stir” them into our daily lives and apply them to our individual situations. One thing is to hear something; another is to actually listen and learn.

Simple knowledge of a concept is nothing more than a handful of nothing if we don’t apply that wisdom to something concrete. Without integration, knowledge is suspended in limbo, and rarely becomes a part of who we are. It remains the ghost of a thought that will not incarnate without our permission, and will continue to hover over us until we actively choose to shift the lessons from being purely intellectual to practical.

We can read manuals on how to fly a plane, but until we fly one, we really don’t know how. Functioning within the realm of life is no different – we can read hundreds of books, or hear lengthy sermons, about peace, tolerance, forgiveness and unity, but until we choose to make those chapters of higher awareness a part of our daily lives nothing will change. Reciting Biblical passages on unconditional love will not make us more loving, if after leaving church we personally judge how much others deserve to be loved.

Wisdom and knowledge are the cream and sugar in our coffee. Pouring them into the cup is the first step, but the perfect flavor will not be achieved until we have made the effort of properly stirring them in.