Right to Privacy, or Self-Isolation?

“It means a great deal to those who are oppressed to know that they are not alone. And never let anyone tell you that what you are doing is insignificant” -Bishop Desmond Tutu

While I was growing up, people related to one another differently than they do today. Everybody knew everybody. As annoying as it was that your neighbor knew whom you were going out on a date with before you did, the closeness served a purpose: We all felt like we were part of a big family.

Then I grew up; I moved away, and times changed. In eleven years living in my first house, I probably met six neighbors; in my current house about eight. In fact, rather than meeting them, I should say we have passed one another while walking our pets or children and smiled cordially. No warmth there, aside from a pasted smile after a long day at work and a standard, automated greeting.

People of our generation have become isolated. They meet on predetermined social occasions, and maybe even talk on the phone often, but the camaraderie of having a “Rhoda” busting through our unlocked door is something that’s only preserved on “The Mary Tyler Moore” show.

Regardless of race, religious beliefs, political affiliations and other societal boundaries, we are all human beings and all are on the same boat sharing a journey. Larger cities with a high density of population such as New York or LA are even worse - millions of people live there, but many of them keep a constant shield in front of their hearts, afraid to meet or talk to a stranger.

We hide and isolate ourselves to be safe, to have space, to protect our rights to privacy; yet all that we are doing is creating widespread loneliness. Human beings have an innate need to connect to one another – whenever we go in the opposite direction, honoring fear, doubt and unfounded judgment, we do not do ourselves any favors. If we could take down the shield and show who we truly are – exposing the core of our weaknesses and strengths – we would be surprised at just how many people share our same feelings. Once the connection is made, everyone feels better simply by knowing they are not alone – someone understands what they are going through.

Why can’t we connect the same way with everyone we meet? Do we need to walk up a mountain to know the path is steep? In order to expect others to open up to us and be willing to connect, we have to start with ourselves. We are all unique and important in our own individual ways, yet we are all fruits of the same tree – there is no reason for us to fall so far apart.


www.sandracarringtonsmith.com

Boats in the Storm

“Calmness is the cradle of power.” ~ Josiah Gilbert Holland


Since I was very young, my mother taught me to associate different mental states with visual symbols to understand their essence more closely.

Water, for one, is connected to emotions simply because of its fluidity and duality – a little gentle water is nurturing, empowering and cooling toward other overwhelming states such as anger and jealousy, which are hot and unsettling in nature; too much water, or too intense a flow of it, can instead be dangerous and overpowering.

I couldn’t help thinking about the association of emotions with water last night, as I gave my daughter a bath - we had bought new boats at the store in the afternoon, and she was eager to see them float.

I filled the tub with water, put the boats out to sea, and watched them float peacefully for a few moments while Morgan was busy getting Hello Kitty’s pajamas on. After getting Hello Kitty ready for bed, she walked into the bathroom and saw the boats – Hurricane Morgan was coming in at category five. She peeled her clothes off in a New York minute and jumped in the tub causing a mini tidal wave. The water splashed around, the boats filled up, and went down faster than rocks.

My daughter looked at me and pouted, complaining that the boats “didn’t work.” I couldn’t help smiling, though I quickly assessed that her serious face required, at that moment, a factual explanation.

As long as everything was calm, the boats floated beatifically and all was well, but as soon as an external upset came upon, the little vessels quickly took in all the water they could contain and, weighed by their fill, they sank.

If we imagine the tub of water being our life, and the little boats being our mind, we can see how easy it is to fill up with too many emotions and go down with the weight. Whether the emotions we open up to are positive or negative, we must maintain a neutral place within ourselves where the waters remain constantly calm enough to safely dock our boats.

Once we have a safe place to shelter in, emotions can be empowering, as long as one is willing to sit back and filter out sensations that are not beneficial. Emotions allow us to learn about ourselves – they show us our weaknesses and our strengths, and they play an important part in our inner growth.

And to avoid sinking, we can simply move the boats out until the water has settled – no storm is going to last forever.

www.sandracarringtonsmith.com

What Tomorrow Might Bring

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strength.” – C. Ten Boom

Robert J. Burdette, an early 20th century American humorist and clergyman, once said that it isn't the experience of today that drives men mad, but the remorse for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow might bring.

Although the past clings to life in our minds, it is but a ghost of times gone by. It is easy to identify with because of the emotional triggers it evokes through the aid of our five senses. Past experiences can be triggered into present feelings by a smell, a sound, or by the mere sight of an object connected to a specific moment; all it takes is a song, or a token, to blow life back into the memory.

There are different reasons why some choose the past over the present. The first, most obvious explanation revolves around the fact that our past may be more comfortable than our present, and may be seen as a refuge of sorts. The second reason, which runs a little deeper into the pool of feelings, denotes the need of reliving a particular moment to feed an inner need. It is not uncommon to internally replay a situation which undermines our self-security to justify our feelings of low self-worth.

Similarly, some are obsessed with the future, and live their lives in a forward mode. Everything they do today is done to prepare for tomorrow; everything they can achieve tomorrow is better in their minds than anything they have today; who they will become some day down the road is more important than the person they are now. In reality, the future is little more than an illusion; it is a conjecture of the mind produced to avoid facing the reality of today.

We may never see the light of tomorrow, and there is no reason of being unduly worried about something that may never come to pass. Driving ourselves mad with worry in advance will not discount the pain we will feel if and when our worries will materialize. We can be proactive toward minimizing the impact of an upcoming disaster, but we can’t consume our entire supply of energy with something which has yet to solidify.

What prompts our thoughts toward fearful images is often nothing more than a projection of our inner feelings of guilt or inadequacy. If we feel insecure about ourselves, or unsatisfied with about our own conduct, we may feel sure that our spouse will cheat when the thought of doing so never crossed that person’s mind. In reality, we are only projecting our own inability of seeing we are worthy to be loved. Generally speaking, we see the future through the colors of our past experiences and internal triggers.

Ultimately, the future – if we ever get to it – remains a mystery, and nobody can accurately predict how it will unfold. Worrying about future dreads will only bring that which we fear one step closer for us to embrace.

Does Wealth Create Happiness?

“Life in abundance comes only through great love” ~ Elbert Hubbard


Does wealth create happiness? Although a life free of financial worries sounds like the answer to all problems, I personally believe that it is not wealth that makes happiness but happiness that makes wealth.

In my opinion, there is no difference between types of energy, aside from the division between positive and negative. Both of them exist in the Universe, and everything we are, see, hear, feel or touch is made of both. Money and material things are no different – they are a manifestation of energy. When we feel good about ourselves, and feel we deserve to receive good things, the positive energy we send out is a clear signal to the Universe that we are ready and willing to receive the many blessings that are available. When, on the other hand, we feel trapped into a dark tunnel of fear and doubt, we also feel that we have failed ourselves and others, and the signal we send out is that we don’t deserve the blessings that are available to us.

Very often, the prison we are in is an invisible one only we can see. Its walls are built with bricks made of guilt and unresolved issues. In the unfortunate event that we have done anything wrong and have gotten away with it, we fall prey of an even worse internal conflict – while our ego rejoices that we have won one, our inner spirit knows the scale isn’t balanced; justice is not done, the deed has not received adequate punishment, and we subconsciously take it upon ourselves to ensure that we get our just deserved.

Regardless of what we have done, we can’t go back and change things. Our inner spirit knows that, and does not expect any such thing. What we can do, is honor our ability to feel remorse and guilt, because it is a sure sign that our conscience is working, but once we have done so, we must also allow ourselves to let those feelings go and start afresh.

Beating ourselves over something we cannot change will not right the wrongs of the past, but will rather cause us to stumble again in the future. Instead, a complete reshuffling of our life cards needs to take place. First of all, we need to differentiate the things we feel bad about that are really wrong from those that are deemed wrong from a cultural point of view. In the latter case, what we have done may not even be wrong per se, but it is considered so because it goes against the grain of our established societal rules.

And if we can’t forgive ourselves entirely, let’s begin by forgiving others, knowing that, like us, they are held captive within the confines of a similar prison. Forgiving others allows us to heal those parts of ourselves that we can’t directly reach, and gives us a head start on a journey of true love. On the map of abundance, selfless love is the main highway to get to destination; no toll payments are required and the sun shines bright at the end of the horizon.

Salt on an Open Wound

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” ~ Carl Jung

Very few things are simultaneously as loving and painful as a kneading cat. Believe me, I would know; my cat, Wizard, is a twenty-pound bag of melted sugar and he regularly dispenses his love through the rhythmic action of his lion-sized paws.

Yesterday morning I was in for another dose of loving – Wizard jumped up on my chest while I was laying down on the couch still wearing pajamas and began walking over me in circles, lovingly kneading his way to sleep. Since I was wearing thin satin pajamas, his claws were pushing right through the material as easily as a knife slicing through butter.

He was too cute for me to push him away – his eyes were dreamy and he was purring madly – so I just held my breath whenever I felt pain. Thankfully, the slippery material caused him to slide down a couple of inches, and his paws came to rest where the shirt overlapped the pajama bottoms – instant relief! The double layer of material stopped his claws from reaching the skin. After a few moments of kneading pleasure, Wizard went to sleep. I laid there and rubbed his head, listening to him while he still purred in pure bliss. I was glad I didn’t interrupt his happy dance, as his loving actions provided a priceless portion of food for thought.

All along, Wizard never meant to hurt me – his intent was constantly motivated by love, regardless of the spot he was kneading. What made all the difference was not a change in his kneading pattern, but my own shield of protection provided by an extra layer of material.

When we are hurt by someone’s words or actions, the pain we feel may not necessarily be caused by the words or actions themselves, but by our heightened sensitivity triggered in that particular situation. Salt poured over healthy skin is merely irritating, but it is downright excruciating when sprinkled over an open wound.

Taking notice of what upsets us allows us the opportunity to see the parts of ourselves that are in need of healing. I believe that certain people and situations are placed in our lives to help us grow and heal; when someone or something causes us to feel pain, we gain insight over a “sore spot” within ourselves that needs to be addressed. Once the weak point is identified, steps can be taken to raise a better shield – it is impossible to heal something until we know what it is, the same way that we can’ t fix something until we know what part of it is broken.

People speak and act out of their own sorrows and joys, rarely even knowing how deeply their actions and words will affect us, and by causing strife they show us our strengths and weaknesses. Once the weaknesses are dealt with, those words and actions will simply slide off like a cat on satin pajamas.

From the Inside Out

“A lot of people say they want to get out of pain, and I'm sure that's true, but they aren't willing to make healing a high priority. They aren't willing to look inside to see the source of their pain in order to deal with it.” ~ Lindsay Wagner


About a week ago, my oldest son got hurt playing basketball. What initially appeared as a red, slightly swollen bump, changed color over time, and became a silver-dollar-sized brown and yellow bruise covering the inside of his wrist.

The other night, he reached out to pick up something while I was cooking dinner, and I asked if his arm still hurt. He shook his head and looked at the bruise; “look mom,” he said, “the bruise looks like a doughnut now.” And it really did. What used to be a solid blue mark finally faded to a rusty brown circle encrusting a small area of healed skin.

To my surprise, he said: “Isn’t it strange how so many things that happen on the outside seem to relate to experiences inside of ourselves?”

When I asked what he meant, he replied: “People think that you heal from the outside and you have to treat your body, but even this bruise shows how things truly heal from the inside out.”

I was stunned at his ability to embrace such a philosophical view of things at such a young age, and became quite curious about his theory. The way he explained it was simple, yet it was probably more powerful than most complicated versions I’ve heard before. Adults can make a mess of things when they try to inflate their ideas with big words to impress, desperate to appear erudite and wise; kids have no time for garnishes, and go straight to the heart of things.

With the perception of a fifteen-year-old naturally fascinated by electronics, he sees the outer body as a machine fed by a central “life engine”. The energy received from the central source is then distributed through an intricate wiring to reach all areas of the body and mind, all filaments connected to one another. If one bulb burns out, a whole section shuts off, and doesn’t receive energy.

The central supply is continually fed by our daily experiences and it runs freely at the center; if something happens to it, or if it slows its flow to a trickle, all the filaments depending on its power gradually turn off.

I thought about this theory long after my son went on his way. When our flow of life energy is slowed down or interrupted, a compromised sense of wellness is the natural consequence. The most important question at this point would be whether wellbeing can be restored if the flow is once again regulated. Would the secondary channels be irreversibly damaged after not being fed for a long period of time, or could they fill up with a new supply of life energy and resume their work?

Personally, I believe that some of them – those that have completely dried out over time – are probably irreparable, but I also think that a new network can be created once the flow reaches new, consistent strength.

Our work doesn’t revolve around producing the energy itself, as it is self-renewing; all we need to focus on is the removal of blocks that prevent it from moving freely.
Guilt is often the mother of all blocks, followed closely by anxiety and fear. We can easily picture our blocks like sandbags we place around the source of energy to block its flow; if we remove the sandbags, nothing can stop the energy from radiating out from the core.

If we can learn to heal from within, just as Stephen’s bruise is doing, we can hope that when the process is complete, full power will once again be restored.

A Day in the Life of Mickey Mouse

“Life is a perpetual instruction in cause and effect.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


Yesterday morning, my daughter unearthed an old Italian Disney comic book, and asked me to read it with her. In the story we read, Mickey Mouse and Goofy are hired by the local museum to go investigate the historical sinking of a large ship which tragically went down right after its inauguration. To get them back to the day of the event, Professor Zapotec invites them to use a time machine he invented himself.

Mickey and Goofy embark on their journey back in time, and “land” near the shipyard just a few hours before the inauguration. The story is ripe with adventure and imagination, and eventually, our heroes are able to save the ship, and the accident – due to a miscalculation on behalf of the engineer in charge of the design – is avoided.

When they return to the present, they walk out of the time machine to find a surprised Professor Zapotec who asks them the reason why they were inside of his invention. Mickey and Goofy exchange a confused look, and tell Zapotec of the mission he had assigned to them that same morning. When he seems to have no clue of what they are talking about, Mickey asks him to read the article in the old newspaper Zapotec had showed them before the trip. Professor Zapotec peruses the paper, but he cannot find the article. Since Mickey and Goofy changed the history of the event, the accident never happened, the story was never reported, and the professor never hired them to investigate the mystery.

The story was one of pure fantasy, but the concept behind it embraces a very important point – if we can heal what happened in the past, we no longer need to worry about the old hurt impacting our present and future.

Unresolved issues don’t just go away. Once they have slipped away from the grip of consciousness and are stored into our subconscious, they are no longer available to our memory, but they still impact our realities. Quite often, an honest reflection on the patterns in one’s life can cue the individual to the identity of the hidden triggers; if the triggers are lured to the surface, dealt with and released, the spell is broken – once healed, the old wound disappears and its effects on the present reality of the individual are erased.

Coming face to face with old wounds is an important step into dealing with our present problems. Until they are dealt with, past hurts continue to replay and affect our lives negatively, but the emotional charge associated with them is no longer as powerful as it was when we originally buried them into the chamber of our subconscious. Being our present circumstances different as well, once we bring them to the surface they no longer appear as big as they did when they occurred.

Inviting our past hurts back into awareness might not be as quick and simple as Mickey and goofy’s adventure in the time machine, but once the journey is complete we will be thrilled that the article was never written.

The Dog and the Old Man

“The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” ~George Elliot

I would like to share a story that my mother-in-law sent me a while back. The story is told by a young lady whose father struggles with personal anger after he can no longer work as a lumberjack because of health issues. After suffering a heart attack, he is invited to live with his daughter and her husband, but as days go by, tension begins to rise. The father is resentful of his declining health and lashes out at everyone.

The young woman prays for a resolution, but for months God is silent. Finally, she decides to call several clinics hoping to find some advice. During one of those calls, a friendly lady tells her about an article she has read about people with the same symptoms greatly benefiting from caring for a pet.

She drives to the local shelter to look for a dog, but none seem right for her father. Then, she spots a pointer in the last pen. Years have etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray; his hipbones jut out in lopsided triangles, but his eyes are calm and clear. She asks the attendant about the dog and is told that he just showed up near the shelter two weeks before.

When she gets home, she shows her father the dog she got for him, but he replies angrily that he doesn’t want a pet, and definitely not one so old and frail. Tension rises, and father and daughter face each other down as if preparing to duel. Just then, the dog walks up to the old man, sits in front of him, and raises his paw to touch the man’s leg. Time stands still. The old man continues to look at the dog who just sits there calmly, his paw still raised. He finally kneels down and takes the dog’s paw in his hand. From that day on they are inseparable. Within the course of a few months, all the anger, frustration and tension wash away, as the old man and his dog become more closely connected.

One night, the dog walks into the young lady’s room, whimpering. Considering the fact quite strange, she rushes to her father’s room. She finds him in his bed, his face peacefully relaxed and at ease in his final sleep. The dog raises his paw and touches him for one last time.

It’s not until the dog has passed away - and she reminisces about her father’s last few months - that the young lady realizes something important. She had prayed for her father to find peace, and had thought her prayers had gone unanswered. Yet they hadn’t. The girl on the phone and the dog were angels she hadn’t recognized. At the time, everything had seemed coincidental but none of it was – the woman, the article, and the dog that had mysteriously appeared at the shelter out of nowhere.

Prayers often seem to go unanswered because they don’t manifest as we imagined. We expect a result which will pacify our wants, because we are not aware of our true needs.

Sometimes the path to our greater good is an uncharted one, yet if we follow it with faith it will lead us where we need to go.

Unconditional Prayers

“The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.” ~Walter Benjamin

A few days ago, my father informed me that my best friend of childhood recently lost her dad to throat cancer. While growing up, I saw through her eyes how trying living with an alcoholic can be.

I never quite understood why her mother put herself and the children through all they went through. She was financially self-sufficient and could have moved on to a better life, yet she never left - even after the kids were old enough to move out, she stuck by her vows.

When I called my friend to offer my belated condolences, her mother was at her house babysitting the grandchildren, so we talked for a while. She told me of the suffering her husband went through during the last few months, and was happy he was finally free of pain. There was so much peace and love in her words that I was speechless.

I told her how much I admired her strength and devotion through the years, although I doubt I could have done what she did, had I been in her place. Her reply was a simple one: “I loved him, and he wasn’t a bad man; he was only a sad man.” She went on to explain about his horrible childhood and the way he had changed and found peace in the last few years.

She loved him unconditionally, regardless of his demons. She knew she could not erase years of abuse, and had little hope of changing him, but always prayed that he would find inner healing. She told me that every time she prayed for him, she always did so for his higher good, and wished him to find his light. Not once had she asked to change who he was. Yet, he had changed. By embracing the hardship through her unconditional love she had confirmed something very important: Prayers should be sent for the highest good of the person we are praying for, not for our personal gain.

It is hard to wish well upon those who create strife in our lives, and when we do pray for them, we often ask that they change in ways that make them acceptable in our eyes, thus attempting one final time to control the unveiling of their destiny.

Try this today - whenever you see or think of a person you have issues with, just pray for them. Ask for their healing and nothing more; do so over and over again. By blessing them, you will indirectly bless and heal yourself.

Prayer changes things. It changes US. And our world will change as well, once we decide it is time to change ourselves.

Soul healing: Moving the blocks

With the advent of a new wave of thought concerning the association between mind and soul, a new place of prominence has been given to the word "forgiveness". Our whole life, we have been conditioned to believe that by forgiving a painful action we are forfeiting our right to receive human or cosmic justice. Nothing is further than the truth. Real forgiveness does not imply that we let the insensitive acts of others off the hook; it simply means that we no longer allow them to run our life. In the greater scheme of things, we are our own worst enemy, and the first step toward forgiveness must be directed within ourselves. Only by embracing the relief that comes with forgiving ourselves for our flaws, mistakes and shortcomings, we will ever truly be able to start the wonderful journey toward successful inner healing.