Delicious Expectation

"The pleasure of expecting enjoyment is often greater than that of obtaining it, and the completion of almost every wish is found a disappointment." ~ Samuel Johnson


As we were driving home last night, my son raised his eyes to the lottery billboard and whistled when he saw the staggering jackpot amount. "How much money do you think that is, Mom?" he asked with childlike curiosity. "Too much", I replied. "Yes," Michael interjected, "after winning a sum like that, one is set for life. His children and grandchildren will be, too. "

When he said that, the first image that popped in my head was that of a group of dysfunctional, unhappy individuals, so I shared my thought with my son. He agreed with me, and said that he doesn’t even enjoy stuff that much, unless he has saved up for it.

Our conversation led me to think back about my childhood years, when the mere thought of surprises on the way was enough to fill me with excitement and expectation. I loved Christmas eve as a child; that magical, thrilling time when one’s head filled with expectations and the heart was ripe with hopeful wishes. As excruciating as it was, waiting for the big day was painfully delicious. I still remember looking in awe at the pretty packages under the tree, and fantasizing about the content.

Then Christmas day came. We were happy, the tree was assaulted, the gifts opened, and the house was filled with cheerful thoughts and good wishes; yet, something was also a bit sad – another year had to pass before another Christmas. Though they were usually what we had petitioned for, the joy at seeing the actual gifts paled in comparison to the feeling of absolute wonder from the day before.

We often feel that we should expedite events in our lives, but we sadly forget to notice that the best part of achieving anything is indeed the expectation of receiving the blessing. If we take time to listen within, our energy in those moments is fueled by pure hope; if we could bottle up our excitement, and save it for a rainy day, life would be much simpler and enjoyable.

When looking ahead, the final destination is only one of the blessings of the journey; the rest of it – including expectations – is the part we must truly cherish and be thankful for. Disappointment can be a crash to the ego, but it can also open the door to creativity and motivate one to reach a lot further.

Floating vs. Drowning

“Fear is faith that it won’t work out.” ~ Author unknown


While watching a comedy sitcom in which a kid was trying to learn how to swim, I saw my daughter become pensive for a moment. Then, with a puzzled look spreading across her little face, she said: “If I can swim, why is he having such a hard time with it? He can just float.”

I tried to remind her of when she didn’t know how to swim either, and how apprehensive she was when the swimming instructor first asked her to ‘let go’, but since that moment in her life was long past, she simply shrugged her shoulders and remarked that all the kid has to do is to let himself float.

Since there was no point in arguing her down - and also because she had a point somehow – I only told her that fear is what stops people from swimming, and adds pounds to their bodies making them a dead weight; since she is no longer scared, she can abandon herself to the water and float easily. That explanation didn’t really satisfy her never-ending curiosity, but her five-year-old attention span saved the day; she had enough of my “weird” explanations and happily trotted off the next room to play. On the contrary, my daughter’s simple question left me with a couple of points to ponder.

We readily assume that our reality is largely affected by facts that can be proven through physics or other scientific disciplines, but if one analyzes the water Morgan swims into, and the water the kid in the show fought with, there is really no chemical difference between the two. Just as well, the second kid’s struggle cannot be attributed to him being heavier than my daughter, as there are many people larger than him swimming like fish. In fact, body weight has little to do with staying afloat, since heavier people can at times float better because they displace more water. So what can possibly stop one kid from floating which doesn’t affect other people who know how to swim? The answer is a simple one…the kid who can’t float is just allowing is fear of drowning to overwhelm his natural ability to float on water because the focus of his faith is not in succeeding but in failing.

Swimming isn’t the only skill we forfeit because of fear, and every day we lose wonderful opportunities to grow and evolve because we are scared of the unknown facing us. We have faith that we can stand up and thrive on solid ground, and we have no trouble doing so, but we question our faith when it comes to dive into unfamiliar waters; similarly, we have faith that our lives will run smooth if we follow old, proven channels, but we have faith we will lose our stability if we think outside the box and take a risk.

To elaborate using a very recent example, I will share something else. My husband occasionally buys lottery tickets, and yesterday morning he asked me to check the numbers of his ticket online while one of our sons was in the kitchen eating breakfast; when he heard what his father asked, Michael mindlessly asked if we are ever going to win the lottery; without thinking twice, my husband replied no. I almost asked him why he bothered to even buy tickets if he already assumed that he is never going to win, but quickly dismissed the question and moved on with my day; I can assure you however, that until he can change the focus of his faith, you will never read on the paper that the Carrington-Smiths in Raleigh NC have won the Power Ball! Since he expects to not win, Universe has no choice but to indulge him.

Faith and confidence can carry a person on powerful ethereal wings, as long as one doesn’t decide to look down and mentally calculate the depth of the fall. So, in so many ways my daughter is completely right – if she can swim, so should everybody. As long as they can believe they can.

The Little Sticky Note

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” ~ George Iles

Last night I was reading of a young girl who walked around with a bag of pennies and dropped them randomly for people to find. When someone asked her why she did it, her reply was just as candid as it was profound: “I want everyone to feel lucky today.”

Reading that story made me smile, and it took me back to a few years ago when, with no specific motive, I wrote down the words “I believe” on a whole bunch of sticky notes and left them in different places I went – doctor’s office, grocery store, post office. I don’t know what, if anything, happened to those notes, but I know that one of them made a difference in one person’s life. This particular day, I had stopped by a drug store near my house at the time, and dropped a few of the notes here and there, without paying attention where I left them. Since I went to this store quite often, and was pretty much familiar with most of the people who worked there, I noticed one day, a couple of months later, that one of them was missing from the team; I inquired at the cash register, and I was told that she had left.

A few more months passed, and fate allowed me to run into this young lady one evening at the grocery store. She looked radiant and recognized me immediately. I asked her how life was treating her and she replied that she had never been so happy - her husband had gone back to work after recovering from a terrible accident, and she was back in school to finish her degree which she had to abandon when he no longer could financially provide for the two of them. After his accident, he could not work for several weeks, and they had fallen behind with their bills. If that wasn’t enough, her own health was not good, and her diabetes – a condition she was diagnosed with since her teen years – had taken a turn for the worse.

She told me that one day, a few months before, she had gone to work feeling particularly depressed; everything in her world seemed to have lost its colors and she could not see any light at the end of the tunnel she was walking through. Until she saw a bright yellow sticky note near a pile of sweaters stacked on a sale table. “It was as if in that moment God was nudging me to go on when I felt I couldn’t walk any more” she said, “those two little words - I believe – stared me down and I suddenly knew it would all pass.”

After finding the note, her attitude changed, and she took each obstacle not as a defeat but as a test to her faith. She focused on the good things she had in her life – a loving husband, a good manager who allowed her to stay home when her husband needed her, and the fact that despite everything, they had enough money to live on. When her husband went for a check-up a couple of weeks later, his doctor was amazed at his progress, and within a few more weeks he was able to work again. Her own blood sugar was back under control as well.

When we think of helping someone, the first thing that comes to mind is that we don’t have enough money to share with others, but physical outreach isn’t the only way to help our fellow humans. Everyone is rich enough to share a kind word, or to give a gift of hope when others can no longer find it for themselves. Even a penny, or a little sticky note, can bring light where there is only darkness.

The Two Wolves

While many of us remained painfully glued to TV screens as Shaniya Davis’s body finally surfaced, the minds of most struggled to wrap around whatever could have possibly motivated her mother to open the door to such evil. A short story came to mind, one I read a long time ago which always stuck with me. I don’t suppose anyone has any doubts as to which wolf Shaniya’s mother fed.

“An old Cherokee man went walking in the mountains with his grandson. They sat on a rock and observed a pack of wolves in the distance.

The old man told his grandson: “Do you see those wolves over there?”

When the young man nodded, the old Cherokee continued. “At all times, there are two wolves living inside each of us. One is greedy, aggressive, envious, fearful and confrontational. The other is gentle, nurturing, embracing, trusting, peaceful and humble. The two are at odds with each other and fight incessantly.”

The young man remained silent and continued to stare at the wolves in the distance; then he turned toward his grandfather and said: “Which of the two wolves survives the fight and lives?”

The old Cherokee man replied: “The one you feed”.”

It is too late for Shaniya, but it is not late for each of us to take a moment and look within our own lives to see what type of feelings we allow our energy to feed. Change does begin with ourselves and ripples outward toward the rest of the world, touching and empowering other lives as it moves.

When All Seems Lost

“Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” ~ Author unknown


Yesterday I ran into a friend who went through a very rough time this past year – he lost his job, his mother passed away, he went through a hard battle with his ex-wife over custody of his children, and he struggled with depression. Every time he raised his head after one blow, something else hit him from a different direction, often with not enough time in between life storms to recharge his batteries.

When I asked him how he was doing, I expected a sad answer. To my surprise, he replied that he was doing great. I am not sure if I was more relieved or surprised, and he must have seen it on my face, because he felt compelled to explain.

“When everything started going south,” he said, “I got very depressed. I even thought that life wasn’t worth living any more, and I escaped the pain by fantasizing about dying. The more I thought of it, the sweeter death appeared – a moment of pain in exchange for an eternal sleep I didn’t have to wake up from. Then, one afternoon, I went to the grocery store, and I ran into a neighbor who told me of her thirty-five-year-old daughter who was dying of cancer. Tears welled in her eyes when she told me of her little grandson who was going to grow up without a mother. Suddenly, my depression evaporated like fog in the morning sun. Here I was, mostly upset over minor affairs and wishing for death, and out there was a young mother fighting to live just another day. I was overcome with shame and guilt, and I almost fell into a deeper state of self-pity, but I quickly shook myself out of it; life IS beautiful, no matter how maddening it can be at times. I guess I was like the man who complained he had no shoes until he ran into another man who had no feet.”

Glad that my friend had been able to accept those hard moments as a natural low of life, I said good-bye and thought about the things he said.

It’s extremely easy to become overwhelmed when things start happening, especially if they are unexpected, and it is just as easy to be willing to give up. Once the first set of emotions begin to flow, they rush through every cell of our being and cloud our perception. If we lose a job we feel as if we’ve lost ourselves and our identity; if we lose our house we immediately entertain thoughts of being rejected by society; if we lose a loved one, we feel guilty for being alive while they are gone. In reality, a job and a house do not define our worth, and each of us is here as long as we need to complete whatever we came to do and learn; if we are still here, there is a reason why we are.

The trick is to focus on what we have left, rather than obsessing on what we have lost.

Beating the Odds

“Our first journey is to find that special place for us.” ~ Earl Nightingale

Yesterday was a very special day for us, as we brought home a new member of our family. His name is Wick, and he is a tiny, eight-week-old black kitten.

Aside from the suspicious stares he received from Wizard, our resident cat, Wick’s homecoming was glorious – the kids were tickled to death and even my husband warmed up to him quite quickly.

In the midst of all the excitement, only one tiny cloud of sadness lingered in the air. When Wick was taken to the shelter, a couple of weeks ago, he and his brother Noir stuck together like glue. The lady who fostered them both said they were inseparable and suffered separation anxieties when pulled apart to be examined. We all started thinking about his brother, and felt kind of sad that we were not able to bring them home together.

Wick, formerly Midnight, has found a home where he will grow happy and healthy – will his brother have the same fortune, or will he end as a nameless adult cat in a shelter that most will bypass and won’t adopt? I suppose we will never know.

When we are born, we are dealt a hand of cards that will decide how the game will unfold. Certainly, if we learn good playing skills, our chances of winning will increase, but part of our success is a mere strike of luck. When they woke up this morning, the two kittens didn’t know of the chain of events that was going to take place within a few hours. They woke and played; they ate, napped and played some more; all of these actions were performed together; yet, tonight, their lives took different paths.

As much as we like to assume that life is a game we can control, part of the play remains unknown, and greatly relies on having faith in the final outcome.

It is a sad reality that many of the animals at the shelters will never find homes, but it is also true that each person walking through the door has the potential of becoming one of their humans. We can never give up hope, as we don’t know who or what is waiting around the corner. We could be disappointed ten times, or even twenty, but the twenty-first time could be the one which will turn our lives around.

It’s good to know, at least, that we have just as many chances to be happy as we have of being let down. And those are wonderful odds.


(I will be leaving this afternoon for Wilmington and will be gone until Sunday night, so there will be no blog posts the next two mornings. Have a happy weekend, everybody, and I will see you back on Monday. )

Unconditional Prayers

“The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.” ~Walter Benjamin

A few days ago, my father informed me that my best friend of childhood recently lost her dad to throat cancer. While growing up, I saw through her eyes how trying living with an alcoholic can be.

I never quite understood why her mother put herself and the children through all they went through. She was financially self-sufficient and could have moved on to a better life, yet she never left - even after the kids were old enough to move out, she stuck by her vows.

When I called my friend to offer my belated condolences, her mother was at her house babysitting the grandchildren, so we talked for a while. She told me of the suffering her husband went through during the last few months, and was happy he was finally free of pain. There was so much peace and love in her words that I was speechless.

I told her how much I admired her strength and devotion through the years, although I doubt I could have done what she did, had I been in her place. Her reply was a simple one: “I loved him, and he wasn’t a bad man; he was only a sad man.” She went on to explain about his horrible childhood and the way he had changed and found peace in the last few years.

She loved him unconditionally, regardless of his demons. She knew she could not erase years of abuse, and had little hope of changing him, but always prayed that he would find inner healing. She told me that every time she prayed for him, she always did so for his higher good, and wished him to find his light. Not once had she asked to change who he was. Yet, he had changed. By embracing the hardship through her unconditional love she had confirmed something very important: Prayers should be sent for the highest good of the person we are praying for, not for our personal gain.

It is hard to wish well upon those who create strife in our lives, and when we do pray for them, we often ask that they change in ways that make them acceptable in our eyes, thus attempting one final time to control the unveiling of their destiny.

Try this today - whenever you see or think of a person you have issues with, just pray for them. Ask for their healing and nothing more; do so over and over again. By blessing them, you will indirectly bless and heal yourself.

Prayer changes things. It changes US. And our world will change as well, once we decide it is time to change ourselves.

Holding on to Faith

Last night I had a strange dream. I was driving down some unknown road, and suddenly I came upon a road block. I got out of the car to see what the problem was, and saw a table set up on the side of the road, with a small fish bowl in the middle. Inside the bowl the water was very murky, but a small orange goldfish was still alive in it. It looked undernourished, but very much alive. When I picked up the bowl, the fish flipped and almost came out of the water, so I ran to get some fresher water and some food for him. I figured it would take some time to bring the tiny creature back to its prime, but with good food, a little TLC and the appropriate amount of time everything would be alright.
Then I woke up. I lied in bed awake for a while, wondering what on God’s green earth the dream was about. I began to speculate what the fish might symbolize for me, and why the little fellow was stuck in such a bad place, not conducive to its growth.
I thought about faith. Could it be it? Has my faith faltered during this time of hardship for our country? Maybe a little.
I was raised to be very driven by the power of Spirit, and have always felt reassured that things will, somehow, work themselves out.
I think lately, as many others have, I have been unknowingly thrust into the vacuum of anxiety which has enshrouded our world. Not entirely, mind you, but I have found myself wondering what will happen. I think that all the hatred spewed around the political race, the failing economic situation and the general anxiety which has greatly been exploited by the media have taken a toll on most of us.
I woke up this morning with a different type of resolve: I am claiming back my full faith. No longer will I get wrapped into the ugliness of things, if I can help it, and I will once again “know” that everything is going to be alright. Somehow, things will find the path to straighten up, and all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place.
I don’t believe in coincidences, and know that everything happens for a reason. We have come to associate our self-worth to material possessions, but have now come to a crossroad where we need, once again, to shed that notion.
Spirit is known by many names, depending on the tradition one follows, but the essence of It remains the same. Spirit is ever present to hold our hand and lead us out of the dark cave we have, halfway consciously, trapped ourselves into.
We will survive the hardship and, because of it, we will be better people. We only need to believe and reach out to one another, rather than isolating ourselves. We just need to nourish our faith a little more, and fish it back out of the murky water it has survived into.

The Storm and the Rainbow

The sun still shines behind the storm clouds.
Although this is a scientifically proven fact, it is also the first thing people choose to forget when Mother Nature unleashes its fury.
Similarly, each time we are caught into a life storm, we get easily swept into the whirlwinds of fear and doubt, and forget about the cyclical nature of all things.
We survive through the birth and death of loved ones, disease and marriage crisis, parental challenges and job uncertainties, but we seldom take the time to observe that each event quickly explodes and saturates our life with uninvited misery only for a limited time, before it naturally runs out of steam and comes to an end. If we were able to see the bigger picture beyond the blinding patina of drama, we would see life storms for what they truly are: the necessary eradication of the old and the nurturing of the new.
We blame unpleasant occurrences on an unkind destiny, and rarely acknowledge that the storms we ride are necessary portals we must step through, if we ever hope to reach the finish line and achieve what our hearts desire.
A person stuck in the stagnant waters of an unsatisfactory relationship may have to face the storm of a breakup, before he or she can focus on seeing the sparkling light of a new, more fulfilling love affair. If parents wish for their children to become more responsible and realistic, their own life may be temporarily unsettled by the mistakes the children will have to make, as they learn a sobering life lesson which will gift them with greater wisdom and an increased sense of reality.
Most life storms bring along winds of change, but even if we eternally wish for positive alterations in our lives, deep down everyone is afraid of shaking things up.
We unrealistically expect to reach the desired destination without going on the trip.
Just as weather storms are visible on radars and to the naked eye, most life storms are also easy to detect before they approach, and allow us time to make the necessary preparations.
In a few cases when situations explode without warning, we need to be aware that even those events will often lead to unexpected benefits in their aftermath.
Whether we go through a summer storm, a sudden tornado, or even a hurricane, all that will ever be destroyed is the manmade illusion of material stability. What truly matters remains untouched, and sometimes even enriched.
The next time dark clouds loom ominously on the horizon, we can remember that this new storm, like all others before, will pass, the clouds will dissipate, and the sun will shine brightly again.
And, maybe for the first time in our life, we’ll notice the soft colors of a beautiful rainbow, painted on the clear skies of new and unforeseen opportunities.