The Storm and The Rainbow

The sun still shines behind the storm clouds. Although this is a scientifically proven fact, it is also the first thing people choose to forget when Mother Nature unleashes its fury. Quite similarly, whenever we are caught in a life storm, we get easily swept into the whirlwinds of fear and doubt, and forget about the cyclical nature of all things. We survive through the birth and death of loved ones, disease and marriage crisis, parental challenges and job uncertainties, but we seldom take the time to observe that each event quickly explodes and saturates our lives with uninvited misery only for a limited time, before it naturally runs out of steam and comes to an end.

If we were able to see the bigger picture beyond the blinding patina of drama, we would see life storms for what they truly are: the necessary eradication of the old and the nurturing of the new. We blame unpleasant occurrences on an unkind destiny, and rarely acknowledge that the storms we ride are necessary portals we must step through, if we ever hope to reach the finish line and achieve what our hearts desire. A person stuck in the stagnant waters of an unsatisfactory relationship may have to face the storm of a breakup, before he or she can focus on seeing the sparkling light of a new, more fulfilling love affair. If parents wish for their children to become more responsible and realistic, their own lives may be temporarily unsettled by the mistakes the children will have to make, as they learn a sobering lesson which will gift them with greater wisdom and an increased sense of reality.

Most life storms bring along winds of change, but even if we eternally wish for positive alterations in our lives, deep down everyone is afraid of shaking things up. We unrealistically expect to reach the desired destination without going on the trip.

Just as weather storms are visible on radars and to the naked eye, most life storms are also easy to detect before they approach, and allow us time to make the necessary preparations. In a few cases when situations explode without warning, we need to be aware that even those events will often lead to unexpected benefits in their aftermath.

Whether we go through a summer storm, a sudden tornado, or even a hurricane, all that will ever be destroyed is the manmade illusion of material stability. What truly matters remains untouched, and sometimes even enriched.

We can’t expect that life will pass uneventfully, as much as we can’t expect that sunshine will last forever – obstacles and storms create a contrast and allow us to appreciate peaceful days and warm weather. The next time dark clouds loom ominously on the horizon, we can remember that this new storm, like all others before, will pass, the clouds will dissipate, and the sun will shine brightly again. And, maybe for the first time in our life, we’ll notice a beautiful rainbow, painted with the colors of new and unforeseen opportunities.

When All Seems Lost

“Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” ~ Author unknown


Yesterday I ran into a friend who went through a very rough time this past year – he lost his job, his mother passed away, he went through a hard battle with his ex-wife over custody of his children, and he struggled with depression. Every time he raised his head after one blow, something else hit him from a different direction, often with not enough time in between life storms to recharge his batteries.

When I asked him how he was doing, I expected a sad answer. To my surprise, he replied that he was doing great. I am not sure if I was more relieved or surprised, and he must have seen it on my face, because he felt compelled to explain.

“When everything started going south,” he said, “I got very depressed. I even thought that life wasn’t worth living any more, and I escaped the pain by fantasizing about dying. The more I thought of it, the sweeter death appeared – a moment of pain in exchange for an eternal sleep I didn’t have to wake up from. Then, one afternoon, I went to the grocery store, and I ran into a neighbor who told me of her thirty-five-year-old daughter who was dying of cancer. Tears welled in her eyes when she told me of her little grandson who was going to grow up without a mother. Suddenly, my depression evaporated like fog in the morning sun. Here I was, mostly upset over minor affairs and wishing for death, and out there was a young mother fighting to live just another day. I was overcome with shame and guilt, and I almost fell into a deeper state of self-pity, but I quickly shook myself out of it; life IS beautiful, no matter how maddening it can be at times. I guess I was like the man who complained he had no shoes until he ran into another man who had no feet.”

Glad that my friend had been able to accept those hard moments as a natural low of life, I said good-bye and thought about the things he said.

It’s extremely easy to become overwhelmed when things start happening, especially if they are unexpected, and it is just as easy to be willing to give up. Once the first set of emotions begin to flow, they rush through every cell of our being and cloud our perception. If we lose a job we feel as if we’ve lost ourselves and our identity; if we lose our house we immediately entertain thoughts of being rejected by society; if we lose a loved one, we feel guilty for being alive while they are gone. In reality, a job and a house do not define our worth, and each of us is here as long as we need to complete whatever we came to do and learn; if we are still here, there is a reason why we are.

The trick is to focus on what we have left, rather than obsessing on what we have lost.

March 25th - What Tomorrow Will Bring

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”~ Brian Tracy


Tonight my parents are arriving from Italy. The past few days have been a flurry of activity in preparation for their visit, and we are all eagerly awaiting to see them. Today, as I was putting in the final touches, I found myself daydreaming about all the wonderful moments we will spend together in the next three weeks, and all I could envision was fun, laughter, and many, many hugs.

Those thoughts triggered a question I my mind – would I look forward to their visit as much if I hadn’t had as nice a childhood as I did? Of course I would still love them for being my parents, but would my expectations of the days to come be the same?

It occurred to me that our expectations for the future are, in great part, directly tied to our experiences in the past. If we had nice, rewarding moments – and are able to connect them to a person or a situation – we are likely to expect that everything ahead is going to be equally rewarding. If, on the other hand, our past experiences were less than desirable, our expectations of our future are probably just as bleak.

We can’t change our past, but we can do something about our present and future. Because of their intimate tie, by changing our expectations of our future, we are able to heal some of the wounds of the past.

Our perception of situations is often connected to our point of perspective at the time of the occurrence. By improving our self-worth and creating rewarding expectations, we can open ourselves to a new awareness, and create a pathway which will allow us to look at our past with a new point of view. Once we examine old hurts with new eyes, our assessment of them is likely to change, thus giving us the opportunity to move past some of our inner blocks.

By allowing the formulation of healthy expectations we give ourselves silent permission to heal and forgive those elements of our past that we weren’t able to reconcile with until now. We may not get what we deserve, at times, but we all certainly get what we expect. So, why not expect the best and enjoy the moments preceding the occasion? We might be pleasantly surprised.