The Power of Choice

“Happiness is not a matter of events, it depends upon the tides of the mind.” ~ Alice Meynell

When I was a little girl, my grandmother used to take me to ride my bike at a park near my house. One day, I fell and scraped both knees. After helping me get up, and brushing off the dirt of my bloody legs, my grandmother smiled and said: “Well, aren’t you the lucky one?” I looked at her in disbelief…here I was, one scratch away from needing stitches, and the woman was telling me I was lucky! Could she be mentally ill? Even at that young age, I remember wondering if she was going mad.

Noticing my confused frown, she explained: “Look at it this way, young lady, you could have fallen and busted your head instead. I think you were pretty lucky.” Although I still had a few doubts about her sanity, those words appealed to my young mind. She was right after all – no matter how desperate the situation seemed at the moment, it could have been worse.

From that day on, my glass was most always half full. Yes, bad stuff continued to happen on occasion, but was it the absolute worst it could be? That newfound attitude saved me a lot of heartache while going through the teen years, and it truly helped me see that events are only as bad as we paint them in our minds.

To this day, every morning, I pray for one thing: to keep my inner balance alive, and see every obstacle as an opportunity. It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had – at the end of it, I always feel it was a day worth living. True power is not in dominating events unfolding around us, but rather is the ability of not allowing those events to affect our core of emotions.

One of the best tricks to balance the scale is to focus our attention on a happy memory. For me, as an example, thinking of the when my younger son caught a big fish on his first fishing trip really does wonders. He was so happy! That image will forever be forged in my mind. If I think of that, and really try to concentrate on the intensity of the feeling and the brightness of his smile, I can immediately feel tension melt away. Once I have a grip on my emotions again, I continue to focus on positive thoughts, and my day magically shifts.

Hanging on to resentment or negative thoughts feeds our illusion of needing to remain angry in order to punctuate the magnitude of the event, but it is really not necessary. Dangling on the brink of a precipice has never helped anyone find solutions.

We feel inclined to change the décor of our environment if the style no longer suits us, or makes us feel uncomfortable. We remove an object and replace it with one we like more – why not do the same with our thoughts?

Reaching for the Moon

“Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.” ~ Louisa May Alcott

When I was a young girl, my family and I lived in a high-rise apartment building in the heart of the city. I loved sitting on the balcony at night, when the noise from the street had finally quieted down and the horizon came to life as a parade of lights. I especially loved to sit out there when the moon was full, since I find very few things to be as impressive and mystical as the jolly, tangerine-hued face of the moon peeking through the buildings. One night, it looked so big that I distinctly remember thinking I could touch it if I just reached far enough.

Although touching the moon was not an option, I still enjoyed the feeling of peace and the pale light which seemed to enshroud everything in a silvery cloak of dreams and magic.

Not everyone dreams of touching the moon, but most of us set goals for ourselves. Some of the goals are little more than a speck of hope in the far distance, while some others are immediate plans we set out to achieve in our daily lives. Regardless of how practical, unthinkable, big or small our goals are, they can be achieved. If someone has reached them before us, it only means that a door must exist to get there. It may not be the first one we knock on, or even the second or third ones, but a path to our dreams certainly exists, if we are willing to put in the footwork to find it.

I remember having this conversation with my son, one night, while he was telling me about his passion for drumming. He felt that becoming a professional drummer is an impossible dream and he should focus on something more “concrete”. Given that he was raised by me, I was speechless…impossible? Nothing is impossible. The road might be rocky, and the journey a rough one, but if one has a clear destination in mind, going from point A to point B can definitely be in the cards.

Sticking with a personal goal is simpler than most think, as long as we realize that initial failure is nothing more than a stepping stone toward future success. An old proverb even states that we should fall seven times and get up eight.

Short-term goals are probably the hardest ones to keep up with, as what motivates us to achieve them rarely originates in the fire of an individual’s inner passion; our resolve can easily deflate and we lose our momentum. By setting small goals and working toward them, we raise our inner bar of self-discipline, and through the joy of humble victories along the way we train for the marathon of touching the moon.

We don’t need to set our goals into the future – today is as good a day as any to get motivated, set goals, and begin to make changes, even if small ones. After all, all great runners started once by learning how to put one foot in front of the other. Time and persistence did the rest.

The Kitten and The Crow

Since early childhood, we are conditioned to classify everything we run across, especially people we meet on our journey. Although some of us benefit from an upbringing which allows a few shades of gray in between, the majority are most often inclined toward a much defined distinction.

We are taught that some people are our friends, and others are enemies; some are good and some are evil; many are worthy of receiving our trust and just as many are not. Our judgment of individuals and situations is often based on criteria we have inherited from our caregivers, tossed with a sprinkle of personal experiences.

Would our reaction be the same, had we been taught differently? Could we be more willing to trust some that don’t readily fit into our mold of acceptance, if we hadn’t been trained to immediately qualify and quantify those we meet? Is our tolerance for others dictated by nature, or is it a product of nurture?

A very unusual couple of friends – a kitten and a young crow – teach us that it is possible to trust and love someone we would normally consider an enemy. The following video is a bit lengthy, but definitely worth watching. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JiJzqXxgxo

I would assume that when their paths first crossed, the crow and the kitten were both lost and uncertain how to feel – each of them was a blank board. Since neither could rely on the guidance of an adult of their species, they followed their natural instincts in judging one another.

Each of them was naturally geared to have quite dissimilar lives and needs, yet, without a teacher pushing them to focus on their differences, they were able to establish a common denominator: their individual need for love and nurturing common to all species.

It is possible to rise above pre-set standards and see that blessings can be found in the most unexpected of places. Inside each enemy lives a potential friend we haven’t met yet, if we can just look past the obvious and “see” with our hearts. The kitten and the crow would certainly vouch for that.