Taking Back Our Power

“Love is supreme and unconditional; like is nice but limited.” ~ Duke Ellington

Someone sent me an interesting e-mail a few days ago, which I felt I should share. It spoke of dispensing love to all, but particularly to unconditionally love our enemies.

“Jesus said to love our enemies. It's difficult sometimes to get our arms around that concept in our daily lives - when someone ticks us off or says something that insults us, or insults what we believe in or someone we care about. In his book "Jesus and Non-Violence, A Third Way", Walter Wink says that love of enemies is the recognition that our enemy is too, a child of God. "When we demonize our enemies, calling them names and identifying them with absolute evil, we deny that they have that of God within them that make transformation possible. Instead, we play God."

Loving our enemies in indeed a challenge; it’s easy to give in to the temptation of doing otherwise, but if we do so, we are only shutting the door to new opportunities for ourselves. It is okay to be angry or upset when something happens, or someone does something wrong, as the power of that anger is often the force that drives us out of apathy. It is, however, quite detrimental to hold on to that anger once the situation has lived its life cycle.

Inside each of us are two intelligent minds at work – one, the rational mind, analyzes all the wrongdoings and keeps track of ego bruises; the other one, our soul mind, forgives all, for it knows that the light of others is the same as our own. By denying that this eternal light exists in others we break the chain of connection that naturally exists among all living creatures, and we isolate ourselves from the source of energy of the Universe.

Once we become disconnected – and our spirit mind is no longer being fed by unconditional love - we feel depleted and tired, and begin to entertain feelings of self-doubt and fear. Because the energy running through our spirits is the same, once we wish something positive or negative on someone else, that energy mirrors back on us. Equally, by forgiving others we forgive the parts of ourselves we may not be able to reach otherwise.

Forgiveness does not give our enemies license to hurt again, nor does it excuse the acts already committed, but rather it frees us from the influence those acts still have on our lives, and gives us back the power we forfeited in the past.

Forgiveness is the lighter we loan to another soul to light their inner flame, while kindness is the fuel that keeps the fire alive. By forgiving we cripple the ego of those who hurt us.

If we refuse to forgive and be kind we lose the right to complain when our enemies continue to walk in darkness and step on others on their blind journey. Shadows can only be dispersed by turning on the light.

The Beauty of Imperfection

“There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.” ~ Christopher Morley

Some time ago I pondered about how different my life is now compared to what it was when I was younger. I remember needing others’ approval a lot, especially when it came to my parents. Although they never had non-realistic expectations for me, I had them for myself.

Anything less than a straight A was not good enough for me at school, and I always strived to reach perfection. I kept my house fairly neat but polished it within an inch of its life if someone was coming over. Same with the kids – I had this image made up in my mind of the perfect household, and anything less than that simply wasn’t good enough.

Somehow, through the years, I changed. It was not anything I did different, or anything I consciously acknowledged, but over time I realized that happy children are more fun than perfectly behaved children, and a house that’s not completely organized is more comfortable to live in.

My huge test was this year, when my parents came to visit. I had been extremely busy before their arrival, and had no chance to organize my house the way I always did. I took a look at it right before going to the airport and told myself it really didn’t matter – my parents were coming to see me, not my house.

And indeed I was right. I don’t think my parents thought twice about the toys or anything else that wasn’t in place. They were so happy to see us that we could have lived in a rundown shed and they wouldn’t have noticed.

That’s when I realized how often we needlessly worry about things that are only alive in our own minds. We assume we know how people will feel because that’s the way we would in their place, but in reality we have no way of knowing.

I have friends who have destroyed relationships because they were certain their partner was being unfaithful, when in fact the other person had no intention to betray them. Their doubts were the mere product of their own insecurities.

These days I no longer worry about what others think. I accept the fact that they may live, think or behave differently than I do, and I am comfortable being my own person.

Perfection is a state of mind, and it truly is in the eyes of the beholder. I believe my life is perfect as is now – I don’t have a perfect house, perfect children, a perfect spouse, and I am certainly not perfect myself, but I am happy and at peace. Even when some things remain undone.