Balancing our Inner bank Account

Mostly everyone is familiar with balancing a bank account. In order for it to remain in the positive we must put in more money than we get out.
If we draw more money than we can replace, the bank account will quickly fall in the red, and we will be hit by over-draft charges which will make it even harder to stand back up on our feet.
On the contrary, if we deposit more money than we need to withdraw for expenses, we will soon be able to have a nice, little nest egg that will give us peace of mind and can cover up unexpected expenses.
Imagine now that the bank account is our life, and the funds are our personal energy.
By enabling other people to affect us with their emotional debt, we allow our own account to become faulty. Our own personal energy will be absorbed into their drama, and will dissipate faster than we can replace it. Our own energy bank account will soon be in the red.
On the other hand, if we can become detached from the fires that others around us start with the purpose of upsetting us – and are able to generate more personal energy by focusing on things that benefit our lives and that of others without becoming part of the drama - our account will be secured and will never run out.
Our energy is like cash; there has to be a balanced flow between what goes out and what comes in. If we choose to invest it in ventures that promise a good return, then it is a smart financial idea. If, instead, we choose to invest our hard-earned energy in shady deals we should not be surprised to be falling into deficit.
We would not just give our debit card and pin number to a stranger, or to a person who, we know, will just draw our money out and waste it without a second thought.
Should we not be just as cautious with out personal energy?

Fact of Sensory Illusion?

Have you ever wondered if others see and hear the same things you do?
After all, images and sounds are picked up by our senses, and then transferred to our brain for processing. What if our brain -conditioned by previous experiences and teachings - decodes information in a bias fashion? Could a person say one thing and we hear another?
That would certainly explain why people don't seem to find a common ground, at times, or why some find a particular person or thing beautiful while others consider the same thing unattractive or unpleasant. In my personal experience, I know there have been situations when I said one thing and others understood something completely different; it was like we were on entirely different agendas.
What about those cases when the same thing is observed or heard by multiple individuals? Could it be that the response we hear from others is also biased and "produced" by our brain? Is it possible that we "decide" what we are going to hear from others, and selectively choose who will agree with us and who won't?
The hidden triggers in our subconscious have the power to affect our actions and the way we personally approach things, so it would only make sense that they have an impact on the way we see or hear.

The Shadow Twin

Have you ever wondered how many personas live inside the mind of others you encounter? Can you say that the people you know are exactly who you think they are, or is there a possibility that many of them have other faces you have never encountered?
Criminal psychology shows that most sociopaths have multiple alter-egos; those who have had the opportunity to meet infamous serial killers such as Ted Bundy describe them as charming, socially brilliant, and seemingly abiding to societal rules.
It is quite hard to comprehend that a wonderful person and a monster can live within the same bodily confines; yet, it happens all the time. Writers and film producers have exploited this intriguing symbiosis through the symbolism of werewolves and vampires; the most successful attempt at explaining this phenomenon was achieved with the production of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Although similar to developing multiple personalities as a defense mechanism, the Jekyll/Hyde syndrome is quite different. Individuals do not form extra personalities to absorb the blunt of painful experiences happening at that moment in their lives; rather, they are taught to be nice and socially apt, but feel entirely inadequate and alone. Thus, while maintaining a pleasant face in the eyes of society, they feel the periodical need to take the mask down and lash anger out.
Because these individuals feel like nobody can truly love their shadow-selves, they take extra care in polishing their social skills, and only vent their frustration and pain toward people they have no connections with, simply because that’s a viable way to be the person they are without being exposed. They thrive on negative attention, and get their fix out of triggering fear and anger in their targets. They tend a trap and wait for the target to fall, enjoying all along the extra energy that is being fed in their direction.
The human mind is a puzzle which science has only begun to identify the pieces of. We all have a shadow side we were taught to suppress; in some, it is more extreme than others, but if we could glimpse at the brains of those surrounding us we would probably be constantly surprised by the actual thoughts rushing through their minds.
What about you? Who is your shadow twin?

The Dormant Seed

The story of the bamboo and the fern tells of a man who, after losing all hope, goes to God and asks for one final reason why he should not quit on life; God tells him to look around at the bamboo and the fern. When He planted the seeds – God explains – the fern sprouted almost immediately, and continued to prosper more each year; the bamboo seed, on the contrary, did not sprout or do anything for five years. Yet, when it finally broke out of the ground, it grew to heights previously unimagined. The time it remained dormant, the seed was never idle; it simply used that time to incubate within the warm womb of the earth and grow strong roots.
The things that truly mean something in our lives are not the ones that sprout immediately. Our love and dedication, our passion and determination incubate and lay powerful roots which will allow our creations to have a long prosperous life.
Kids are a wonderful example of this concept. Often, we don’t see the results of our teachings until our children make their own way into the world. Although we may question our own parenting skills while we are raising them and walk with them through the many challenging phases of growing up, the values, morals and concepts we instill in them lay dormant within, and use the time to develop a root system which will support them once they are out on their own.
The same applies to any project we feel passionate about. We may feel as if we are wasting our time by working hard toward something which is nor yielding instant gratification, but our efforts will be rewarded in due time.
Each moment we dedicate to our projects, each new thing we learn, are steps which get us a little close to the day when our dreams will finally break the hard soil and will grow proudly to heights we never imagined possible.

The Things We Don't see

There was once a little old man who went to stay at a nursing home for the blind. He had no family left, and had spent the last few years in different institutions.
He waited patiently in the waiting room until a nurse gently nudged him to get up from his chair. “Good morning Mr. Wallace” she said, “If you are ready we can go up to your room now.”
Mr. Wallace smiled sweetly and sighed. “I just can’t wait.” He said, “it’s going to be wonderful to stay in such a beautiful room.”
The nurse smiled back and led him to the elevator. On the way up she attempted to describe the room and all that was in it; Mr. Wallace would never see those things, but it would probably comfort him to know what was waiting for him.
“I love it. I just love it.” Said Mr. Wallace.
The nurse couldn’t help smiling. “But Mr. Wallace, how can you so passionately love something you haven’t seen and that you will never see?”
“Because, dear child” said Mr. Wallace, “I have already decided that I like it. I know it’s there, whether I can see it or not. We give value only to that which we see, and discredit that which we do not see. I don’t see air, yet I’m still breathing and happy to be alive. I can’t hold air but I know it’s there. Some of the things we don’t see are the greatest gifts we are ever given.”
What we see, feel, and hear is only a fraction of what’s truly there.

For Better or Worse

I recently finished reading a book, written by ST Underdhal, entitled “Remember This”.
"Remember This" is the story of Lucy Kellogg, an elderly lady - once independent and dynamic - whose grip on reality slowly slips away as she surrenders to the unforgiving talons of Alzheimer disease. Lucy Kellogg loses things, confuses reality and fantasy, gets lost herself, but ultimately remembers those who hold a special place in her heart. The pain Lucy's son feels as he watches his mother slowly losing her connection to reality - and reversing back to being a child - is almost tangible. I thought about this book yesterday, as I ran into an older couple, while visiting my husband at work. At first sight, the couple looked suave and very ordinary, until I noticed the lady was slightly on edge, and followed her husband’s every move with apprehension. I sat with them and struck a conversation, and quickly learned that her husband has Alzheimer disease.
She told me a bit of the struggle they go through on a daily basis, and of the paralyzing fear which takes hold of her anytime she loses him out of her sight for even brief periods. She told me about the patience that’s required in taking care of someone afflicted with the disease, especially in the final stages, and sadly stated that her two sons – both grown and living out of state –refuse to help in any way. Furthermore, she said, they have no visible patience whenever they visit, and quickly lose their temper with him.
As the lady spoke I could feel my heart breaking for her husband, and for her. They raised two sons, sacrificed years of their lives to make sure their boys were well taken care of, and once they needed a small return of love and comprehension, it was simply not there. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you.
I thought about all the situations when I lose my own patience. It is easy to become irritated when people are on a different page, but how could it ever get this far? How could I fault someone for not being mentally sound? I thought about my parents, and all they have sacrificed to raise me into the woman I am now, and knew that although patience is not my greatest virtue, I could never do that to them.
Before leaving, I looked at the gentleman sitting beside her; He was like a small child living in his own world, comfortable in the knowledge that his wife was there to take care of him. I stood up and hugged the lady, wishing her good luck. The gentleman looked up at me, a confused look curtained his soft, gentle eyes; it was as if he noticed me then for the first time. I leaned over and hugged him too. He smiled and hugged me back.
When I left, I turned around twice to look at the couple through the glass windows. They looked so sweet sitting there together. I silently said a small prayer for the lady to continue being strong, and for the gentleman to go through these last stages of his ordeal with the smallest amount of discomfort. I also said a small prayer of gratitude, for being allowed to witness, on an ordinary day, such an extraordinary display of genuine love.

Is That What I Truly Want?

In the many years we have known each other, I‘ve always heard my friend Caroline complain of the fact that she lives alone and has no children. Yet, every time she comes to my house for the day – and is exposed to the zoo of family life for more than an hour – she is ready to bolt out the door and find the peace and solitude she habitually claims to hate.
I often hear people complain about everything; their spouses, their homes, their jobs, their children, the time they spend alone. As humans, we spend a great deal of our time focusing on, and complaining about, what we don’t have, never really ready to acknowledge the fact that what we do have is truly what’s right for us.
We behave similarly in relation to weather conditions. In the winter we dream of being somewhere warm; we complain of the cold and rain, and can hardly wait for the dog days of summer, when, once again, we’ll be able to shed the heavy clothes and feel the hot kiss of sunshine on our skin. Yet, as soon as summer comes - after just a few weeks - we complain of the heat, and talk dreamily of the cool weather we will experience in the fall and winter.
Opposite conditions allow us to appreciate what we normally take for granted.
Many can relate to the excitement felt when company is ready to come visit; we plan wonderful moments and are eager to catch up on conversations; yet, after a few days, we are ready to claim back the life we had, our routines, our moments alone. It’s not that we don’t love the company, but we are ready to be back in our own space.
Ultimately, if we never lost our jobs, we’d never appreciate the sense of security which derives from being employed; if we never had a day of rain, we’d never appreciate a day of sunshine; if we never had anyone treating us wrong, we’d never recognize, or appreciate, a true friend when he or she comes along.
We can choose to look at our seemingly unfulfilled lives and experiences as a sentence we are forced to serve, but by doing so we only rob ourselves from the opportunity of being happy.
At times, changes are in order and can improve our lives, but often we simply need to make an honest assessment of how much we truly wish for things to be altered. We can begin by asking ourselves if our lives would be better or worse if we take a different turn.
When we look at the neighbor’s grass, and wish it was our own, we should also ask ourselves if we’d be happy and ready to commit to the daily amount of work required to keep it so green.

Star Light, Star Bright...

Have you ever wished for something so badly your whole body ached at the thought of it? I know I have, many times in the past.
Fourteen years ago, when I was trying desperately to have a baby, the thought of becoming a mother ruled my every waking moment; I hoped, prayed, read and wished, but every month my hopes were dashed. Then, one day I went to lunch in the cafeteria of the hotel I worked at, and Mabel, an old lady who worked in housekeeping, asked me why I looked so sad. When I told her, she smiled and said: “You just have to stop the wishing.”
That night I went home and thought about what Mabel had said. How could I stop the wishing? I wanted a baby more than life itself, and I couldn’t imagine thinking about anything else; it had been two years since I first started trying, and by now I had fused with the obsession of it.
About a month after that, I received a wonderful new job opportunity, so I got very excited and my thoughts focused on the new turn in my career. I even told myself that it was probably a good thing I hadn’t become pregnant yet, and for once my timing was maybe in order.
I started my new job and loved it; I loved the people I worked with, my sunlit office and the considerable increase in pay. A week later I found out I was pregnant.
When I first looked at the positive pregnancy test, I sat there dumbfound. Mabel’s words came rushing back to me, and I smiled, thinking she was right after all. I had stopped the wishing for a little while; by finding something else to focus my thoughts on, I had released the pent-up energy I had accumulated around my wish of becoming a mother.
By releasing the thoughts, all I had left was the true wish in the heart; by distancing myself from its unfolding, I had insured its success.
I thought about all the things I had wished for and let go of; the ones that truly meant something to me had come through in due time.
As a cake which won’t rise if one looks at it, so wishes stall when one obsesses about them. Holding on to dreams does not mean forfeiting the quality of present life in favor of remaining stuck in the quicksand of a wish. We can dream, and hope in our hearts our dreams will come true, still going through the motion of enjoying the good things of our daily lives.
What Mabel taught me was priceless, and even if I ever wanted to forget her words, they would always jump at me anytime I simply glimpse at my three wonderful children.

Our Mad Rush to Nowhere

While driving home from the City Cemetery, yesterday, I turned on the radio and scrolled through the stations to find a good tune; to my surprise, I found a Christmas song!
I am a Christmas enthusiast - and really get wrapped in the festivities - but that was a bit much, even for me. Tuning in to Christmas on the day after Halloween seems a bit of a mad rush; what about Thanksgiving?
That got me thinking about how much we rush through life; ready to jump on the next bus, eager to put the present in the past so we can focus on the future ahead. More times than not, we live in the wrong time zone. We either focus our thoughts on the past – and keep alive events that should by now merely be memories – or project ourselves in the future, as if the next event is secretly hiding the key of happiness we have longed for and not yet found.
We do this starting from very early on; as young tots we want to be big children, as children we long to be teenagers, as teenagers we wish to be adults. Once we make it to adulthood, we wish we could blink through the hard building years, so we can reach the point of being able to retire and enjoy the fruits of our labor, see our children grown, become grandparents.
We get so excited to discover what it will be like to live in the next stage, that we miss the wonderful opportunity of enjoying the stage we are in.
By making the future our present, our present becomes our past. The days we dismiss as uneventful - in favor of others which promise more excitement but might never even come - are days we will not get back.
It is time we slow down, and realize that life is a journey which should be taken slowly, step by step, not a speed race aimed at reaching the finish line.