The Snake and the Frog - A Reflection on Purpose and Our Impact on the Lives of Others

“Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that what was meant to be will always find a way to come about.” ~ Author unknown


Although we had made all kinds of plans yesterday, the day went by in the haze of laziness only a Sunday can inspire – at six last night, we were all still wearing pajamas. After dinner, Morgan asked if we could go to the park for a while, so at about seven we hopped in the car and headed out to play.

While Morgan ran around on the playground, Michael and John played tag with the ball we had brought along, and they took turns hiding in different spots. Thinking that his dad had gone down a path which runs around the baseball fields and cuts across a swampy area to get away from him, Michael headed down the path too. I called him back, but he didn’t hear me and kept walking. Since John had since reappeared from the bushes surrounding the playground, I left Morgan with him and walked after Michael, equally surprised that he wasn’t scared to go through the dense wooded area by himself, and a little upset that he would not just think of turning back around once he didn’t see his father.

The sun was setting rapidly, and the thick canopy of trees shadowed the path further, making it hard to see ahead. Suddenly something darted in front of my feet and I looked to see what it was – a little frog was jumping as fast as it could, hoping to cross the path and find shelter in the brush on the other side. My first thought was that the frog was trying to get away from me, but a second glimpse convinced me otherwise. A snake came slithering fast out of where the frog had jumped from, but it turned around and disappeared quickly as soon as it realized I was standing there. In the fading light I could not see what kind of snake it was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t too happy I had ruined its dinner.

Seconds later I saw Michael walking back toward me – he had finally noticed his dad wasn’t on the path and was on his way back. No harm was done, and after a little pep talk about not venturing off alone we went back to the playground where the rest of the family was. On the way back I couldn’t help thinking how unexpected events we become involved in – even when we are not affected directly – can make a huge difference in the life of someone else completely unrelated to us. My sudden presence was certainly not a blessing for the hungry snake, but for the frog it had been the opportunity of a lifetime.

We are often unaware of why we run into situations, and rarely think that our role at that moment might only be one of support in the unfolding of another’s destiny. Each moment, each event can potentially change someone’s life, even when to us it merely manifests as an annoying occurrence.

Everything happens for a reason – it may not always be apparent why, but in the greater scheme of things we don’t always have to know the details.

Fear Stings

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~ Author unknown

My daughter and I have been watching a colony of Polistes wasps – commonly known as ‘Paper Wasps’ – build their nest on our porch throughout the summer. The “construction project” started several weeks ago, when the founding queen came along and picked an upper corner to settle her domain. Within a few days from her appearance, the first chamber was built, then a few more, until the finished job looked like an upside-down umbrella, with only a few rooms insulated by a paper-like substance and most left open.

Since paper wasps are rarely aggressive and are natural enemies of many garden pests, we left them alone and they never bothered with us, even when we were at very close distance. The whole symbiotic process worked great until a friend of my son – terrified of bees and wasps alike – came over this weekend and went out to sit on the porch. Unbeknownst to me, he must have seen one or the workers fly around looking for insects, got scared, and used a wooden staff I keep by the door to knock the nest down, hoping to drive the wasps away.

When I walked outside later, I saw the nest on the ground and a group of workers still in the spot where the nest originally was, so I picked it up and looked at it – babies were still nestled in the chambers and moving. The moment I picked it up, a few workers began to fly around, but my attention was not on them; in that moment I was focused on finding a way to save the babies.

I finally found a spot slightly elevated and protected from the elements and set the nest there; all along, the workers continued to fly around a few inches away. As soon as I moved away they went back to the nest and resumed their routines.

When I related the incident to my husband, he was stunned that the wasps had allowed me to pick up their nest full of babies and had kept away instead than stinging me, but I didn’t think it was all that odd. Animals and insects alike can perceive vibrations, and wasps especially are so sensitive to smell that can be trained to detect any chemical, including substances used to produce illegal drugs. When we are afraid, our bodies produce different chemicals than when we are relaxed, thus changing the scent we emanate. As I focused on saving the babies, fear was the last thing on my mind, and the wasps never felt I was a threat. Somehow, in the greater scheme of things, they knew I was trying to help them ensure the continuation of their colony.

By focusing on love we can shift the polarity of our experiences. We might think that anger and hatred are the other face of love, but fear actually is – anger and hatred are secondary emotions that are born from fear. When we choose to look at life through love rather than fear, we dramatically cut our chances of getting hurt, as others don’t perceive us as a threat. On the contrary, when we are fearful – and the vibes we send out are negative ones, since anger and fear are related to each other – others assume we will hurt them and they instantly shift into a defensive mode, ready to attack.

Shifting from fear to love is simpler than we think. Even wasps seem to know that.

Anatomy of a Mistake

“I have heard that an eagle misses 70 percent of its strikes. Why should I expect to do better? And when he misses, does he scold himself, I wonder, for failing at the task?” ~Sophy Burnham

According to the Encarta Dictionary, the word ‘mistake’ has the following meanings:

1. Incorrect act or decision: An incorrect, unwise, or unfortunate act or decision caused by faulty judgment or a lack of information
2. Error: Something in a piece of work that is incorrect.
3. Misunderstanding: A misunderstanding of something
4. By mistake: Accidentally, without wishing or intending to do something.

None of the above definitions state that a mistake is an act we commit intentionally, yet as individuals and as a society we tend to beat ourselves and others for actions that were merely the product of a temporary lack of judgment.

Our first reaction when we slip and make a mistake is to lash out at others, as we attempt to subconsciously justify their dissatisfaction with our conduct - by making our loved ones angry we relieve some of the pressure guilt is imposing on our bruised ego. Our mind tells us that we have done wrong - and that we don’t deserve acceptance - and as we seek to self-punish we further isolate ourselves and increase our vulnerability, thus making it possible for us to self-sabotage and make more mistakes.

Making mistakes is a side-effect of being human, and needs to be accepted as part of our growth. Nobody intentionally wishes to do wrong, and since early childhood, our greatest wish is to please others and connect with them; things happen, sometimes, beyond the sphere of our control, as our mindset can be easily influenced by hidden triggers in our subconscious.

We can’t always stop ourselves from making mistakes, but we can prevent ourselves from believing that hope is lost just because we have stumbled. Mistakes are a great gauge to measure how far we have come, and an irreplaceable tool to determine the stability of the path we are following.

Beating ourselves up for our mistakes will not erase our past actions, nor will it help us rectify our future ones. On the contrary, acceptance that it is okay to slip allows us to take stock of our losses and create a new course of action starting from now. Falling is not synonymous of failure; it just means that we stumbled on an obstacle we didn’t see in the darkness of the moment. Once we turn on the light and acknowledge the fact that no human is perfect, it will be easier to resume our journey without the burden of unnecessary expectations.

Forgiveness and healing can certainly go two-ways, but the door must first be unlocked from within. No one can fully forgive us until we can find the strength to forgive ourselves.

One Reason to Believe in Yourself

“Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.” ~ Robert Anthony


As I drove home from my monthly writers’ meeting, last night, I reflected upon the many opportunities I have had this past year to grow and expand my passion for writing.

It was only three years ago, that writing professionally was nothing more than a far-away dream, a distant star I could watch and wish upon but not quite hold. On a very early morning on July 2006, I woke up with a handful of words in my head; as I went about my daily routines they continued to nag at me until I picked up pen and paper and wrote them down. That night, after the kids went to bed, I transferred that first sentence to a notebook.

Those few words spun more, until the story began to take a life of its own. When I finally finished the first draft, about a month later, I was thrilled that I had finally been able to write a full-length novel, but I thought it was going to age inside a drawer. I let a couple of my closest friends read it and they all seem to like the story line, so I gathered more confidence and showed it to a few more people. Finally, one day, someone asked me if I was going to try to get it published. Instantly I began to formulate in my mind all the reasons it wouldn’t go anywhere. My friend looked at me and asked: “Now that you’ve come up with all the reason it couldn’t make it, can you think of a few why it could?”

I thought about it for a moment, and the only thing that came to mind was that it was a unique story which didn’t really fit any specific genre. “There,” my friend said, “it’s something new and refreshing. It could make it just because of that.” I chewed those words around for a couple of days, and with each passing moment I began to feel that there was no harm in trying, so I decided to give it a shot.

Months continued to pass, and rejections kept piling up; many times I felt like giving up, but every time I got really fed up, something or someone would come along and encourage me to keep trying. In time, I signed up with a literary agent and the book – along with another one she had asked me to write to set a platform – sold to a publisher. What attracted the publisher to it was the very same reason I thought of when my friend asked three years before – the story was different than many already on the market and belonged to a category of its own.

What started as a hobby turned into the incarnation of a life-long passion, only because the focus was shifted from what couldn’t work to what probably could. The rest was a wonderful and unexpected journey.

If I had listened to the thousand-and-one reasons my mind had come up with as a shield to protect me from possible failure, I would still be staring at my wishing star from the window of an unfulfilled dream.

So, no matter how arduous your dream is, if you can think it you can reach it. Believe in yourself.

The water Around the Rocks

“Be the water, not the rock. Water has the flexibility to change direction; a rock stays in one place and gets worn out.” - Japanese saying


The home I am currently living in has a small creek running at the edge of my yard – after a good rain or at night, when diurnal sounds begin to wane, I can open my windows and feel as if I am living near a water fall.

Aside from the delightful, relaxing sound and the explosion of life water always seems to have near, the stream has provided the opportunity for me to sit and observe; to watch and learn; to understand how nature correlates to daily life.

Yesterday afternoon I went out back to pick a few tomatoes for dinner, and since it was still quite early I went to sit on the bench by the water. Because it hasn’t rained much the past couple of days, the flow wasn’t impressive but it was nevertheless constant. None of the rocks resting at the bottom had been disturbed by the gentle trickle and remained still at the bottom of the bed. The water continued to move around them, never considering their presence an obstacle on the path.

We might feel we have more control if we rigidly stick to our guns and don’t accept change, but true strength walks hand in hand with flexibility.

We are taught since early age that stability is the key to living a life of purpose, but it can often become synonymous of stagnation. Being flexible, and working our way gently around obstacles, allows us to go further and achieve success using the least amount of effort.

Only a powerful flow during a storm would be strong enough to move the rocks out of the way, but fluidity and gentleness allow even the weakest trickle to move along without having to fight its way through.

Solidity and rigidity are not always the answers to the problem, but are often the path to resisting a solution.

Letting go of preconceived ideas gives us the opportunity to tackle a challenge with a fluid mind, and be able to shapeshift in any possible form which will make our passage a smooth and successful one. As Einstein once said, “Nothing will happen, until something moves.”

Fighting Fear

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ~ Frank Herbert

Yesterday morning JBA posted one of my favorite passages from the Bible, one which I believe truly applies to the shaky times we are experiencing on a global level.

"Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from the land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. Jesus came toward them walking on water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water they were terrified. In their fear they cried out, ‘It’s a ghost!’ But Jesus spoke to them at once: ‘Don’t be afraid’ he said, ‘Take courage. I am here.’ Then Peter called to him: ‘Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on water.’ So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. ‘Save me Lord!’ he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. ‘You have so little faith,’ Jesus said, ‘why did you doubt me?’ “

Being earthly animals, land represents for us a solid ground to stand on, a foundation built through time with the cement of learned responses. Whenever something we perceive as catastrophic happens, we feel lost and at the mercy of the elements, heading off toward the unknown.

As Wayne Dyer so eloquently distinguished, we should remember we are spiritual beings on an earthly experience and not earthly beings on a spiritual quest; regardless of what happens around us, our connection remains intact and our true self remains untouched by external forces. If we start in the right direction, but shift our focus while the storm rages around us, we lose sight of what’s true and become blinded by the illusion fed by the ego. The ego only recognizes responses from the earthly body and its two main functions are doubt and fear. In small doses, doubt and fear allow us to maintain a balance – if the body perishes, the soul connected to the mind of the Creator cannot continue its stay on earth, and the recording of its experiences is cut short.

Many of our fears and doubts are not, however, connected to anything which is life-threatening. On the contrary, most of the trials which trigger the two powerful emotions are often paths that lead us toward higher inner discoveries and a deeper connection. Losing employment can appear catastrophic to a family who has learned through time to be self-sufficient, but it might be the only mean for that family to learn certain lessons such as humility, compassion, and re-connection to estranged family members and friends. Going through the break-up of a relationship is painful, but one might need to learn how to believe in oneself and tap into the inner source of unconditional love once all external feeds have dried.

Faith that all will be well and perfectly aligned with a divine design is key to pushing fears out of the door. Trials can pop up as unexpected and as intense as a powerful summer storm – our response will dictate how long and damaging the storm will be.

The Little Shell on the Mantel

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.” ~ Oscar Wilde




Very few sounds are as calming as the rhythmic rumble of the ocean – a primal call able to steal the mind from daily clutter and gently deliver it on an uncharted island of inner stillness.

It was to that sound that I awoke my first morning at the beach; I listened intently to the natural melody filtering through the open window and aligned my breathing pattern with the rhythm of the waves until my mind began to wander off. It was a perfect moment of peace – a vague recollection of life in the womb, of warmth, of complete comfort and safety; an awareness of nothing needed beyond the now.

I finally arose and went to sit on the deck overlooking the ocean to drink my first cup of coffee. The scenery surrounding me was nothing short of stunning – a cobalt sky sharply highlighted by puffy white clouds in the west, and the sun splashing the horizon with hues of rose and yellow dripping in the water below; in the distance, seagulls flew in perfect formation, followed by a lone sandpiper madly flapping its wings to keep up with the group of larger birds.

As I stared in awe, my attention was piqued by the glistening shells deposited by the nocturnal high tide and now temporarily exposed as sparkling jewels in a store window; since everyone was still asleep, I dressed quickly and walked down to the shore.

I mindlessly picked up a few of the shells on my path – although many were only broken pieces of the originals, I managed to find a few that were intact. Suddenly I saw one that I found quite interesting; the shell itself was pierced in several places but still whole, and attached to it were all sorts of marine goodies – a small piece of metal, an equally tiny piece of old wood, other smaller shells, and some hard matter I couldn’t identify which glued everything together.

That shell had been around for a while. It had been battered and thrown around several times, holes and scars being proof of its rollercoaster ride; foreign objects had attached themselves to its body, probably weighing it down and ruining some of its original beauty, yet the shell was sturdier and stronger because of their presence.

Even things that we consider damaging or hindering do serve a purpose at times – they might teach us a lesson, slow down our mad rush to nowhere so that we can appreciate what we have at that particular moment, or they might just be there to oddly support us and make us stronger for the next time we get caught in an unfriendly wave.

I took the shell home, washed it and placed it on a well-visible place on my mantel, so that I may remember – next time I feel weighed down by external demands – that if it wasn’t for the extra shield provided by the clutter and the unexpected, the little shell would have been but a broken piece washed in and out by the waves, never to be appreciated and cherished as the magnificent and resilient centerpiece it is.

See You Tomorrow...

Good morning everybody!

I have returned from vacation and will start posting regularly again starting tomorrow, Monday August 24th.

I hope everyone is having a blessed weekend. :-)

-Sandra

A Reflection on Forgiveness

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you” ~ Lewis B. Smedes


A few days ago, someone sent me a short story about forgiveness which I would like to share. The author of the story is unknown to me, since the name was not included in the e-mail, but whoever wrote this piece truly hit the proverbial nail on the head.

“One of my teachers had each one of us bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes. For every person we'd refused to forgive in our lives, we were told to choose a potato, write on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of our bags, as you can imagine, were quite heavy.

We were then told to carry this bag with us everywhere for one week, putting it beside our bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to our desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with us made it clear what a weight we were carrying spiritually, and how we had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget, and keep leaving it in embarrassing places.

Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity.

Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and while that's true, it clearly is also a gift for ourselves. So the next time you decide you can't forgive someone, ask yourself...Isn't MY bag heavy enough?”

Sad as it is, the struggle of forgiving is always harder when we feel we are the ones who need to be forgiven. We carry burdens which we consider embarrassing to reveal, and by keeping them concealed we further enable the putrefying process - what we keep sealed inside ourselves lurks within until it has total power over our thoughts and actions,

Lack of self-forgiveness is born from the ego-mind - and engineered through tainted points of perspective - to defy the flawless perception of our higher consciousness, while slowly eroding our sense of self-worth and our connection to others.

If God can forgive our transgressions, should we not give Him a little more credit and trust that it is okay to forgive ourselves?

When Our Relationship is Only a Band-Aid (repost)

“Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.” ~Leo Buscaglia

Just a few days ago my mother was excitedly telling me of the cruise she and my father are going on to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary coming up in October. The moment I hung up the phone, a friend stopped by, and I shared the happy news with her. My friend sighed and asked what their secret is.

Indeed, there is no secret to having a long, healthy relationship, but a good dose of self-love and respect are certainly key ingredients toward its longevity.

Too often, people embark on relationships to fill inner voids they are unable to satisfy on their own. Because of the burst of energy directed at them by the new partner, they feel renewed, happy and fulfilled. However, as soon as the “newness” wears out – and each person in the game feels comfortable in showing their true colors – the band-aid relationship is defunct.

If people approach a relationship as a whole, their communion is one of equal exchange. No issues of control get in the way, because each person is self-confident and doesn’t need a daily shot of reassurance. On the contrary, when someone approaches a new relationship as a half - and hopes someone else will make them whole by supplying a substitute for the self-love they were lacking in the beginning - the end result is often a sad one.

In the early days of the relationship, when both parties float on the wings of infatuation, each of them is feeding the other person a great deal of energy - the energy flows back and forth and keeps both fulfilled and secure. As days go by, and the level of comfort grows, the amount of energy fed to the other person naturally decreases. Suddenly, the whole is split back in two halves, and each is loudly demanding its fix to feel complete. As the half is starved of its daily dose, old patterns of doubt and fear that were temporarily deactivated are triggered back into action; subconsciously terrified at the thought of being cut off from the energy supply, the person being ignored initiates conflicts to trigger at least a flow of negative energy. Their aggressive approach turns the other person off even more, with the result of a complete shut-off. After a few unsuccessful and pained exchanges, the relationship dies.

We often mistake our fear of being alone with love. Some fear losing others, through death or otherwise, because they are afraid no one will be there to take care of them; other people fear losing loved ones because they need to take care of someone else. Being needed creates a gateway for energy to flow. Either way it's about control, which originates from the ego, not from the soul.

We need to fall in love with ourselves, before we fall in love with others, and know that we are worthy of our own respect and happy being with ourselves. Until we enjoy our own company, we shouldn’t expect others to pick up our slack.

On a Journey to Learn

“Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you're alive, it isn't.” ~ Richard Bach



I have always believed that our souls come to Earth to learn certain lessons.

In the last couple of decades there has been a tremendous amount of speculation over “life contracts” – do we choose our lives, our parents, who we are? Do we pick the type of body we will inhabit and the socio-cultural circumstances we are born into?

Many struggle understanding why certain things happen; why children get sick and die, why we find ourselves stuck in certain predicaments – how could we possibly have chosen any of those trials?

Indeed it is hard to accept that any decision on our part is partly responsible for our falls, and it’s even harder to accept that a loving God could allow some of senseless suffering we and others go through, but if one can momentarily entertain the thought that life contracts are a possibility, the whole concept becomes suddenly easier to grasp.

We don’t choose to be sick, to be poor or abused, and no god is evil enough to bestow those tragedies upon us. However, since certain life circumstances can facilitate learning a specific lesson better than others, it only makes sense that our soul stipulates an earthly contract based on what still needs to be learned. Once the choice of lesson is made, Universe arranges our stay and “books” us on a trip filled with unique experiences tailored exclusively for our learning. We state the soul need, and Universe takes care of the details of the journey.

Every situation is as different as are the lessons that must be learned, and because of it, no generalization can possibly be made.

It’s also important to note that the mission of a soul may simply be that of supporting another soul – a sick child might only stay for a short while to teach parents the meaning of true love and the importance of living day by day; living in a crippled body might teach someone to accept their true-selves; poverty might teach someone how to be humble.

The possibilities are too numerous to list, but what is truly interesting in some cases, is that if one is able to identify a lesson through the patterns, a new route can be mapped to reach destination minus part of the suffering.

Lessons Come in Many Packages

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day." ~ Alexander Woollcott




If anyone asked, I’m certain my children would have replied that yesterday was not a special day – a list of chores was awaiting all of us in preparation of our upcoming vacation and the beginning of school.

The boys were requested to clean their rooms and one bathroom each, vacuum and organize the toys in the playroom. Most of the chores were attended with little fuss, but when it came to the bathrooms they instantly began to drag their feet.

Instantly switching to drill sergeant mode, I told them they had to fulfill their tasks or else. I don’t expect perfection, but a piece of cardboard and an orphan bottle cap can hardly be defined part of the décor, so I made them go back a few times to clean what they had left behind; needless to say, they generously huffed and puffed the whole time.

I also made them help their little sister with her chores, and bring a stick of butter to an old neighbor – by the end of the day, they told me I would have done well as a slave owner. By the time their father got home, and asked how their day was, they both said their day was boring and mom was mean as a hornet, to which, of course, my husband replied that some day they will be thankful that mom didn’t allow them to slack off.

My oldest son thought about it for a moment and turned toward his brother. “He’s right” he said, “I’ve actually learned something cool today”. My jaw dropped at this point, although I tried very hard to pretend I was eating. My husband asked what he learned, and Stephen said: “I saw that as a team we get things done quickly, and mom’s critique showed me that my job wasn’t done right - once I start something I need to finish it. And I also learned that it is okay to stop what I’m doing to help someone else who’s smaller or needy.”

I wasn’t even pretending to eat any more. I was so surprised at my son’s wisdom that I didn’t care if I looked like a deer in the headlights at that moment. He was right. An ordinary day – and a hard and boring one at that – had turned into a learning experience.

Every day is a new page in the book of life, and by going through the motions of our routines we learn things we take for granted.

In one day of cleaning, my sons learned the meaning of compassion helping a neighbor in need and their little sister; they learned the power of teamwork; they learned they should never leave a job until it is completely done; most of all, they learned that a good lesson can hide behind the most boring of tasks.

They also learned that mom can be a slave driver at times, but that’s a story for another day.

Changes

“Be the change you want to see in the world” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

A few days ago one of my children threw an empty soda can in the trash. When I asked him why he hadn’t thrown it into the recycling bin we keep in the garage, his answer was: “I had no shoes on. It was easier to just throw it in the regular trash; one can is not going to make much of a difference.”

Perhaps one can doesn’t make a difference, but 6,763,557,000 might.

As of May 31, 2009, the Earth's population is estimated by the United States Census Bureau to be 6,763,557,000 - What if each of those people threw one single can in the trash? In one day they would fill several warehouses with materials we can otherwise recycle and put back into production.

Many times we feel that what we can do individually is not enough, and we assume that any effort we put forth will be quickly drowned by the opposing force. It is not necessarily so. Each person, each action, each thought and word has power over the whole, and can easily create a ripple effect which can lead to greater things. Marathons start with a first tentative step; great books and speeches start with the one word.

Each of us is individually responsible for the collective wellbeing, and unless we are ready to do our part to reverse the damage around us, we lose the right to complain about the outcome.

A friend sent me the link to a video which I would like to share with you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6msKrqmN3w&feature=player_embedded It is very powerful and concise but it certainly drives the point home better than many videos or lectures I’ve seen in the past.

Change is possible, but not until we accept that it must start with ourselves.

Anger - The Mask Of Inner Fear

“Fear is a dark room where negatives develop.” ~ Author unknown

Being afraid has often been considered a weakness, so many have come to hide fear and dress it as anger and self-righteousness, since aggression is labeled as an attribute of the strong.

A few days ago I was talking to a friend whose husband faces a long battle with cancer. Although she has asserted being preoccupied with his state of health on a few occasions, her mind is usually consumed by questions of a different nature, and spends her days wondering if he is faithful to her. When she is not directly entertaining thoughts of indiscretions, she is simply angry at everybody – her children, store attendants, perfect strangers.

Since she couldn’t come up with any “evidence” that would support her doubts, I asked her why she felt so sure that her husband was doing something wrong – from all I’ve ever seen and heard he is attentive and honest.

She tried to come up with an answer, but all her mind was able to concoct was easily explainable. She had no case, yet her anger was growing by the minute; just talking about it was causing her deep distress.

It occurred to me that maybe there was more to her seething anger than what she allowed to transpire, so we dug in a little further.

After a long conversation, she finally admitted that her anger is likely produced by her fear of losing her husband and by her inability to deal with losing control of the situation.

Since her mind does not allow her – for reasons to her unknown – to face her fear of death, internal filters conveniently changed the reason of future loss to something more controllable – infidelity.

None of these defense mechanisms were obvious to her, and she truly believed what her mind led her to think, even if she could not pinpoint the origin of her devastating anger. A possibility was that if she could confirm to herself that her husband was not true to her, then she would not be as impacted by the loss of him. Anger was the fuel to stay strong and anchored, and a shield to prevent the crumbling of her inner world.

Anger is most often a symptom of something else at play. Maybe we are angry - or we are dealing with people who seem angry without a good reason – but we are unable to identify the cause. We assume that we are angry or distraught because of the reasons supplied by the conscious mind, but if one digs deeper, it is easy to find that fear is often the underlying, motivating factor.

Fear is the mother of anger. By intimidating others, and making them fearful, we feel as if we can stay in charge and control situations that are slipping through our fingers and threaten us with loss.

Facing our fears is the first step to understanding the anger that blinds our judgment and weighs down our soul.

Love Without Boundaries - A Tribute

“All that we are is a result of what we have thought: we are formed and molded by our thoughts. Those whose minds are shaped by selfless thoughts give joy whenever they speak or act. Joy follows them like a shadow that never leaves them.” ~ Buddha

As Robert Elias Najemi so eloquently states, love is very hard to define, and as with God, peace and other spiritual realities, it can be perceived more easily through the effects it creates. We cannot see the wind, but we can see its effects, such as the leaves moving, branches swaying, or the sound of air rushing. We know wind exists by its various side effects.

Love connects us to all there is, and creates a bond which allows us to wish for others as we wish for ourselves. One of the lessons love teaches us is to expand our connection to other forms of creation beyond ego limitations.

Love, need and control are often confused with one another; as Robert Najemi explains, “needy love” is not the highest form of love. It is love mixed with need, attachment and addiction. If it were pure love, and the other was happier by leaving us or even happier with someone else, we would be happy for him or her, not full of sadness for ourselves.

Loving others means wanting them to be happy, healthy and successful in the ways that they are guided to be.

Love does not create the pain we feel when someone leaves us or rejects us. That pain is generated by our dependency upon that person for our pleasure or affirmation. Needs and attachments create fear, pain and suffering. Love creates happiness, fulfillment and the experience of our True Selves.

Talking to Ode2joy, last night, really opened my eyes to the meaning of true love. As many know, Ode’s husband recently passed away after a long battle with illness, but Ode is not overcome with pain – she is filled with joy knowing that her beloved Henry is finally able to soar above the limitations of a body that wasn’t working well any more.

I had to fight back tears a few times while I listened to her – her deep, boundless love is so powerful and all-encompassing that I could feel its warmth reach all the way to my own heart. In all honesty, I don’t think I’ve ever been more touched and humbled by a phone conversation.

After terminating the call, I just sat back watching my children play, and felt so grateful that toward the end of a beautiful day I was blessed with such a powerful confirmation.

Thank you, Ode2joy – Henry is free and in company of angels right now, but after all, he was blessed with an angel by his side even during his time on earth.

Beyond the Bark

“Every man is more than just himself; he also represents the unique, the very special and always significant and remarkable point at which the world's phenomena intersect, only once in this way, and never again.” ~ Herman Hesse

Although I have often affectionately been called a “tree-hugging liberal”, it wasn’t until yesterday that I turned this funny label into reality, at least in part. When a friend arranged for me to meet an old shaman, I had all sorts of images running through my mind, but nothing prepared me for what I found when we finally pulled up in the driveway of White Eagle’s humble home.

We turned off the main road into a heavily wooded patch of land, and reached the property – a small house tucked in a cloud of vibrating green, guarded with love by a cream colored dog named Big Puppy. White Eagle met us inside, and I was stunned at his appearance. As hard as I tried I couldn’t pinpoint his age, but he was much taller than I expected. He was also extremely lean, with long gray hair and a gentle smile, and very soft spoken.

After introductions and a few really interesting exchanges about healing practices, he took us outside and placed each of us in front of a pine tree. He explained that trees are much like humans, and the bark which protects them is similar to our ego. Pine trees, he said, are “wise” trees because they are flexible and their bark is open, allowing them to easily connect with other manifestations of Spirit. He told us to hug the tree, rest our foreheads on the bark, and “enter” into it. Frankly, as a strong storm quickly approached, entering the tree was the last thing on my mind, and the only “vision” I entertained was a not-so-pleasant image of myself struck by lightning while I tried to merge with the pine – definitely not a thought conducive to a higher consciousness.

When we walked back inside, he gently asked if I had been successful entering the tree, to which I could only honestly reply that I hadn’t. White Eagle didn’t get upset about it; with the same impassive expression he walked outside and came back with a leaf. He told me I should hold it over my third eye without thinking, allowing the leaf to show me two images that he had put into it; while I did that, he scribbled something on a piece of paper and placed it beside me. As soon as I cleared my mind, two animal images indeed popped in my mind – a deer and a bear. A little surprised by the vision, I almost hesitated, but then gathered the courage and said out loud what I saw. White Eagle smiled and nodded in the direction of the folded piece of paper resting by my side. I opened it up and read the two words over and over, my rational mind grasping for straws…the two words were deer and bear.

I am sure I must have looked as surprised as the children watching Mary Poppins slide up the banister, because White Eagle smiled and told me that if I can enter inside a leaf I should be able to do the same with a pine tree – the difference is only made by my own resistance to believe I can. The day progressed with many more surprises that one post cannot cover, but I certainly left White Eagle’s home with one confirmation: we are all part of one consciousness, if we can only work past the bark that separates us all.

Drama, My Love

“I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain. I want to weep at the sound of your name. Come make me laugh, come make me cry…just make me feel alive” ~ Joey Lauren Adams

Sometimes I don’t think we realize how much we enjoy drama – even those of us who claim to denounce it completely.

As I scanned through a weather site, yesterday, I was surprised at my disappointment when I read that the 2009 Hurricane forecast predicts a quiet tropical season. For those of us who enjoy a good storm, the hurricane season can be quite exciting – those who love sports can probably appreciate the anticipation. As I got to think of it, however, something else popped into my mind: quite often the expectation of something that powerful goes hand in hand with another strong feeling –apprehension. We love and fear at the same time, and the two mix together in an intoxicating cocktail that speeds the heart and inebriates the mind.

We live to experience thrills – a fast car, a heart-stopping ride at the fair, a good thriller on TV, a dangerous storm – because through it all we feel alive.

Love for drama is evident in everything that surrounds us, from the entertainment we choose, to the choices we make in life. Indeed living a life free of drama is possible, but it gets boring pretty fast. Staring at the crystal-clear water of a shallow pool is pleasant for a while, but it doesn’t take long before one craves the dangerous waves produced by a storm at sea.

Very few things create an electrical charge the way drama does. Through our connection with others we activate energetic extremes – positive and negative, both necessary to initiate a shock. We love some deeply and “hate” others with just as much passion; once the two charges meet they create a current that keeps us alive.

Even if many of us will never own up to it, we welcome drama in our lives. We fear it, as it often turns our lives upside down, and then love it, as it allows us to appreciate certain things we wouldn’t notice otherwise.

Drama is the earthly force that keeps us anchored to our human role. As unsettling as it is, it serves a purpose if taken in small doses, for without its powerful influence we would easily skip over many of the lessons our soul needs to learn.

Just like any film, or soap opera worth its salt, we have the power to end it just by switching the channel of our focus. And we never have to worry about losing the remote.

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” ~ Carl Jung


Very few things are simultaneously as loving and painful as a kneading cat. Believe me, I would know; my cat, Wizard, is a twenty-pound bag of melted sugar and he regularly dispenses his love through the rhythmic action of his lion-sized paws.

Yesterday morning I was in for another dose of loving – Wizard jumped up on my chest while I was laying down on the couch still wearing pajamas and began walking over me in circles, lovingly kneading his way to sleep. Being summer time, I was wearing thin satin pajamas, and his claws were pushing right through the material as easily as a knife slicing through butter.

He was too cute for me to push him away – his eyes were dreamy and he was purring madly – so I just held my breath whenever I felt pain. Thankfully, the slippery material caused him to slide down a couple of inches, and his paws came to rest where the shirt overlapped the pajama bottoms – instant relief! The double layer of material stopped his claws from reaching the skin. After a few moments of kneading pleasure, Wizard went to sleep. I laid there and rubbed his head, listening to him while he still purred in pure bliss. I was glad I didn’t interrupt his happy dance, as his loving actions provided a priceless portion of food for thought.

All along, Wizard never meant to hurt me – his intent was constantly motivated by love, regardless of the spot he was kneading. What made all the difference was not a change in his kneading pattern, but my own shield of protection provided by an extra layer of material.

Similarly, when we are hurt by someone’s words or actions, the pain we feel may not necessarily be caused by the words or actions themselves, but by our heightened sensitivity triggered in that particular situation. Salt poured over healthy skin is merely irritating, but it is downright excruciating when sprinkled over an open wound.

Taking notice of what upsets us allows us the opportunity to see the parts of ourselves that are in need of healing. I believe that certain people and situations are placed in our lives to help us grow and heal; when someone or something causes us to feel pain, we gain insight over a “sore spot” within ourselves that needs to be addressed.

Once the weak point is identified, steps can be taken to raise a better shield – it is impossible to heal something until we know what it is, the same way that we can’t fix something until we know what part of it is broken.

People speak and act out of their own sorrows and joys, rarely even knowing how deeply their actions and words will affect us, and by causing strife they show us our strengths and weaknesses. Once the weaknesses are dealt with, those words and actions will simply slide off like a cat on satin pajamas.

The Hidden Key

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers” ~ Nancy Willard

I recently asked a friend to paint a portrait of Elegba, the Saint of doors and crossroads, to display in my living room. When she brought the painting over I was speechless at the quality of it – the spirit is shown as a gentleman walking gingerly toward a natural crossing in the midst of a bayou, looking over his shoulder with a peaceful smile as he holds a silver-tipped cane in his hand.

The day she delivered her work (shown here), Pam told me she had painted a small skeleton key – about an eight of an inch in length – somewhere on the painting, but wouldn’t tell me where it is. Needless to say, I have stared at the blessed thing for hours, looking for the key with no avail.

Yesterday, while talking on the phone, I jokingly asked if she is ever going to tell me where the key is, and her reply was: “It’s there for sure, but if you can’t see it, it is probably because you are looking for the obvious. Solutions aren’t always obvious.”

She explained that while painting, she felt compelled to add a small key, but as soon as she did, her brush accidentally hit it and it became hard to see. She thought of fixing it, but immediately felt very strongly against it.

Having a key on this particular painting is very symbolic, as the spirit portrayed is known as the keeper of doors, and his seal is usually represented by an equally-armed cross with a skeleton key intersecting one of the arms. The four arms of the cross represent the directions one can walk, and are each associated to elemental forces, with the middle point being the home of Spirit. The key symbolizes that only one of the paths leads to solution.

After hearing what my friend told me, I realized that I really don’t need to know where the key is – I don’t have to see it to know it is there.

I thought of her words as well…’solutions aren’t always obvious’. We run around in circles, looking as hard as we can for a solution we can validate through our senses, but one isn’t always readily seen. Sometimes, stepping back a little and taking our focus off the problem allows us to see a greater portion of the picture, and thus the right path to walk.

So I’m no longer looking for the key, although a part of me struggles not to scan the painting whenever I walk by it. All I need to know is that a key is there; someday it will hopefully sparkle through the moss-dripping branches of the ancient trees.

Was Jesus a Leftist?

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?” ~ Matthew 5:43-47

I am very often labeled a “tree-hugging leftist”. For those who might wonder, I don’t hold a membership with PETA, I don’t belong to any activist group involved with the preservation of our environment, nor do I condone lack of self-responsibility and accountability. My qualification for the job is the mere fact that I don’t easily judge others and I embrace all, regardless of who they are or what they have done.

As I write these words, I can already imagine that some are mumbling the word “naïve”, so I have a question to ask – was Jesus naïve? Two thousand years after His incredible journey on earth, the great majority finds His embracing ways inspiring, and most who follow His teachings aspire to be able to live their life in the amazing footsteps He left. According to records, Jesus’ messages of equality, unity, unconditional love and lack of judgment spread quickly across the land, and were accepted by many - rich and poor, educated and illiterate. But, as a woman living in the 21st century, embracing the same concepts labels me as a “leftist”.

I am fairly conservative, and hold on tightly to what I believe are wholesome, important values, but I still choose to keep my mind open in order to tailor my views on an ever-changing pattern which is at the base of human evolution. I believe in preserving life in all forms, as I believe that each is one of the many faces of creation; I believe that humans are constantly having to choose between the pull of the ego and the guidance of Spirit, thus all humans have the potential of being good or evil; I believe that since half of each person is created by light, the best way to turn them away from the shadows is to feed them more light, regardless of how faint their flame is at the time I meet them; I believe in all people being the same gift just wrapped in different packages; And ultimately, I believe that we are all one – as long as we waste time fighting one another over meaningless issues we will never discover our true potential.

So, inquiring minds want to know - wasn’t Jesus hoping to spread these very same thoughts? He embraced thieves and prostitutes because he knew that deep down they were no different than a holy man – the only difference between them was the direction they had mistakenly taken, which could be reversed by changing paths on their journey.

I hope nobody is offended by these words, as I have no intention of stepping on anyone’s belief, but I have often wondered why we tend to mix politics and spiritual views, and would love to hear others’ opinions about this topic.