Keeper of the Key

Yesterday afternoon, my daughter and I watched “Barbie’s Diaries” together. In the story, Barbie, a teenager, dreams of being part of the popular crowd, but neither her beauty, nor her many talents, seem enough to buy her a ticket in.

She gets a glimpse of celebrity life when she briefly dates Todd, one of the popular boys in school, but inadvertently she steps on the wrong toes – those of Raquelle, Todd’s ex-girlfriend and the most popular, vicious girl in school.

When Todd chooses to ask Raquelle to the formal dance instead than Barbie, Barbie accepts her defeat as something to be expected. Her friends take her to the mall to get her mind off the failed relationship, and while they are browsing in a store, a mysterious shopkeeper gives Barbie and her friends charm bracelets as a gift. The one Barbie selects comes with a diary, and she is instructed by the shopkeeper to write her innermost thoughts into it if she wants to see them come true.

Barbie skeptically follows the shopkeeper’s direction, still expecting nothing to change; she asks for true love, and just a few days later a mysterious admirer begins to leave romantic notes in her locker; she wishes for popularity, and soon everything seems to fall into place – the popular kids begin asking her to hang out, her band is scheduled to play at the formal, and the boy of her dreams pays her attention!

The downside is that when the tide turns in favor of her wishes, Barbie no longer has time for her two friends, Tia and Courtney, and for Kevin, a boy who has a mad crush on her but is too shy to let her know of his feelings.

Shortly before her performance at the formal is about to start, Barbie loses her magic bracelet and her confidence instantly plummets. She is convinced that without the bracelet she won’t be able to play, even if during rehearsals she and her friends were great, so she announces that she won’t be going. Kevin breaks a piece of guitar string and ties it around Barbie’s wrist; she smiles at him gratefully, but tells him that a silly piece of metal can’t make her a different person. That’s when reality finally hits her – the charm bracelet wasn’t responsible for changing her life and attitude, she had done it all on her own once she felt something outside of her was sustaining her through the change. In many ways, the bracelet was magical, because owning it had pushed her to write in the diary, and by unraveling her thoughts she had allowed her true self to come out. Those gifts were always there, but until then she never had enough confidence to use them.

As the story draws to an end, Barbie finds out that her secret admirer is her faithful friend Kevin, and she realizes that Todd is not that special after all; in her mind, he was a key to the door of popularity, but now that she can enter on her own merit, she suddenly sees him for who he is – a shallow kid she has nothing in common with.

Each one of us has special gifts we keep locked up in a secret chamber until someone or something reminds us we are the ones who hold the key to unlock them and bring them out of hiding. Our gifts might be different than those of others, but that fact alone makes them special and unique, and we should be proud of sharing them with others.

March 25th - What Tomorrow Will Bring

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”~ Brian Tracy


Tonight my parents are arriving from Italy. The past few days have been a flurry of activity in preparation for their visit, and we are all eagerly awaiting to see them. Today, as I was putting in the final touches, I found myself daydreaming about all the wonderful moments we will spend together in the next three weeks, and all I could envision was fun, laughter, and many, many hugs.

Those thoughts triggered a question I my mind – would I look forward to their visit as much if I hadn’t had as nice a childhood as I did? Of course I would still love them for being my parents, but would my expectations of the days to come be the same?

It occurred to me that our expectations for the future are, in great part, directly tied to our experiences in the past. If we had nice, rewarding moments – and are able to connect them to a person or a situation – we are likely to expect that everything ahead is going to be equally rewarding. If, on the other hand, our past experiences were less than desirable, our expectations of our future are probably just as bleak.

We can’t change our past, but we can do something about our present and future. Because of their intimate tie, by changing our expectations of our future, we are able to heal some of the wounds of the past.

Our perception of situations is often connected to our point of perspective at the time of the occurrence. By improving our self-worth and creating rewarding expectations, we can open ourselves to a new awareness, and create a pathway which will allow us to look at our past with a new point of view. Once we examine old hurts with new eyes, our assessment of them is likely to change, thus giving us the opportunity to move past some of our inner blocks.

By allowing the formulation of healthy expectations we give ourselves silent permission to heal and forgive those elements of our past that we weren’t able to reconcile with until now. We may not get what we deserve, at times, but we all certainly get what we expect. So, why not expect the best and enjoy the moments preceding the occasion? We might be pleasantly surprised.

Defining Our Boundaries

“The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves, and we are responsible for how we allow others to treat us.” ~ Robert Burney

It wasn’t until a few years ago that I learned the importance of setting well defined personal boundaries. It all started when one of the employees at a local metaphysical store gave my phone number to a young man – severely distressed and suicidal - who was seeking spiritual counseling.

I immediately became fascinated with the case at hand, and made the mistake of giving out my home number, in case this gentleman hit a particularly low point and needed to talk. In no time at all he began to call my house at all hours of the day and night. Although he knew I had a family to take care of, he continued to call until I set my foot down and told him that if he needed to stop calling after 5:00 pm, or he would need to find someone else to talk to. He had no choice but reluctantly accept my new terms, which resulted in more productive sessions and tangible results once he began to make the most of the minutes he had available to work things through.

Setting up personal boundaries means that sometimes we have to disappoint others in their expectations. Feeling that we are displeasing others can be extremely hard, as we are conditioned to mirror our self-worth in the way we are perceived by external sources. It is relatively easy to start setting boundaries in relationships that don't mean much to us - it is in the relationships that mean the most to us that it is so difficult. A part of us might not feel worthy, feels defective and shameful, and is terrified of setting boundaries for fear everyone will leave.

It is important to communicate our boundaries in a “no blame” fashion. It is equally fundamental to be honest in stating how we feel. If someone asks us to feed their cat and we really don’t want to do it, we should say that we regret not being able to help, without feeling the need to justify our refusal. Lack of creating healthy boundaries often results in a struggle with resentment, as we no longer feel we own our choices

While we should respect others in their decisions, others must respect us in ours. Setting personal boundaries is not a threat, but merely a way of showing the world what we deem acceptable and what we consider over the line. If some choose to overstep that line, it is perfectly acceptable for us to remove ourselves from the relationship, or negotiate other consequences, as we can’t tell others how they should live their lives, but we can choose how we will live ours.

Setting boundaries is our first step on the journey of self-respect. Should we expect others to honor our value when we can’t even do so ourselves?