I take things for granted. Most of us do, to some extent.
I thought about this last night, as I sat at the kitchen table at ten o’ clock at night, helping my oldest son with a school assignment.
Now, my son Stephen is a very good kid – sweet, compassionate, and always happy – but he has a maddening quality: he is a procrastinator. If he has a project due, it is left for the last hour of the last day before it is due, leading, of course, to a mad dash and panic to get it done on time.
I have tried to explain to him many times how he should pace himself, and try to set up a schedule to get things done; all to no avail. He means well, he really does, but he can’t help being a social butterfly, and a bouncing ball when it comes to activities.
So, here I was last night, secretly boiling inside and pouting about the fact that another evening of mine was sacrificed to his social life; then a light went off.
I thought about all those kids who are sullen and withdrawn, isolated and unable to connect to others. I thought about the meaning of being a kid, and the demands society has on kids these days. I also thought about parents who have children with illnesses, the ones whose sons and daughters are confined in a hospital room, void of energy and preoccupied with issues they shouldn’t have to worry about at their young age. Those parents would give all their possessions to have a bubbly, smiling child, and their hearts would warm quickly if they could detect a small mischievous twinkle in their own kids’ eyes.
That’s when I realized how fortunate I am.
My kids are not perfect – none of us is – but they are good, normal kids, who have been lucky enough to be born in a life void of hardship, in which they can live their childhood years worry-free, thinking about sports, games and girls.
I looked up from the paper and glimpsed at Stephen. He felt that I was staring at him, so he looked back at me a little puzzled. When he saw I was smiling he grinned and his eyes sparkled. I took his hand and told him I love him.
We finished the assignment sooner than I thought. Stephen stood up and was ready to bolt out the room to go play with his brother, but before he got to the stairs he turned around and came to give me a hug. “Thank you for helping me, Mom” he breathed in my neck. “I love you”.
Then he was gone.
I was no longer pouting. Suddenly, I was really excited about the future he, his brother and sister have ahead. They may not be the poster children for perfection, but they have good values, good thoughts, good hearts, and, most of all, they are happy children.
The rest will come with time.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Quality vs. Greed: Are We Endangering Our Children's Lives?
In the wake of four babies dying, and 6,200 having fallen ill after consuming milk powder tainted with melamine – a chemical used in combination with formaldehyde to produce a resin employed in the manufacturing of countertops and fire-retardant materials – people have glimpsed in horror at how far mankind can go in the name of greed.
Last year, many pets in the United States became ill and died as a result of the same chemical, found in pet food produced in China.
How low are we going to sink – and how many people need to die – before we realize that we are sacrificing lives to the god of money?
Small domestic businesses have almost disappeared because of large corporations that opt for cheap labor at the expense of safety and the economic interest of the American people.
Politicians talk a big game about “saving” the country, yet few of them – if any – have ever truly established a program to help small American businesses stand on their feet.
Having a country which relies on its own strength and the labor of its own people is what the forefathers probably envisioned. If George Washington or Lincoln could see how shallow we have become, they would turn in their graves.
Buying at large corporate chains surely has its advantages- everybody, after all, is always looking for a bargain. But what kind of chips are we bargaining with?
Just last October, 69,000 toys produced in China were recalled in the US because of lead paint. In February, Valentine lollipops were taken off the market because bits of metal were found inside the wrapping. How many other threats are lurking on our stores’ shelves?
Greed is a dangerous beast. On a smaller scale, everybody indulges in it somehow. We have witnessed greed in the dishonest gouging of gas prices, and in the way that a lot of our own citizens will not think twice before they scam others to make a buck. We see that in the way we relate to each other on a daily basis. Everybody is out to take care of number one.
When someone returned my son’s wallet – after he lost it in the parking lot of the mall on his way to buy a game system – everybody was surprised when I told them that none of the money was taken.
We shouldn’t live in a world where we are surprised by people taking care of one another; rather, we should be appalled by dishonesty, and should start being less greedy ourselves.
Maybe, by overcoming our egoistic urges to take advantage of what we didn’t earn, and learning how to live with a few less TVs in our houses, we can truly do our part to make this world a better place.
Last year, many pets in the United States became ill and died as a result of the same chemical, found in pet food produced in China.
How low are we going to sink – and how many people need to die – before we realize that we are sacrificing lives to the god of money?
Small domestic businesses have almost disappeared because of large corporations that opt for cheap labor at the expense of safety and the economic interest of the American people.
Politicians talk a big game about “saving” the country, yet few of them – if any – have ever truly established a program to help small American businesses stand on their feet.
Having a country which relies on its own strength and the labor of its own people is what the forefathers probably envisioned. If George Washington or Lincoln could see how shallow we have become, they would turn in their graves.
Buying at large corporate chains surely has its advantages- everybody, after all, is always looking for a bargain. But what kind of chips are we bargaining with?
Just last October, 69,000 toys produced in China were recalled in the US because of lead paint. In February, Valentine lollipops were taken off the market because bits of metal were found inside the wrapping. How many other threats are lurking on our stores’ shelves?
Greed is a dangerous beast. On a smaller scale, everybody indulges in it somehow. We have witnessed greed in the dishonest gouging of gas prices, and in the way that a lot of our own citizens will not think twice before they scam others to make a buck. We see that in the way we relate to each other on a daily basis. Everybody is out to take care of number one.
When someone returned my son’s wallet – after he lost it in the parking lot of the mall on his way to buy a game system – everybody was surprised when I told them that none of the money was taken.
We shouldn’t live in a world where we are surprised by people taking care of one another; rather, we should be appalled by dishonesty, and should start being less greedy ourselves.
Maybe, by overcoming our egoistic urges to take advantage of what we didn’t earn, and learning how to live with a few less TVs in our houses, we can truly do our part to make this world a better place.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Discipline: The Building Block of a Functional Society
The main goal of discipline is to teach children self-control and remind them that there are natural consequences to their actions: by repeatedly associating an unpleasant consequence to an unwanted behavior, the children are able to learn the difference between what is acceptable and what is not.
In generations past, the rearing of children was stricter when compared to the standards our society lives by today, and most of those children grew into responsible and creative adults.
Today, in an era of psychological expertise aimed at telling parents how they should raise their children, parents don’t know how to act any more. A new school of thought teaches that parents should praise their children for good behavior and not discipline them; because all children thrive on praise and acceptance, if rewarded for the good actions, they will try to repeat those behaviors to earn even more positive attention.
Yet, our youth is not thriving. Juvenile crime rates are rising at frightening speed, and our children are caught in a spiral of self-destruction.
As parents are losing their grip on the ability to keep things under control, and feel that society is promoting a new generation of weeping, uncontrolled criminals, new fundamentalist groups are sprouting like poisonous mushrooms on a field. Michael Pearl, the minister who advises parents to beat their children with plastic plumbing supply line, is only one of the radical advocates of parental rights who, sadly, appeal to the weary and frightened parents who no longer know where to turn.
So, parents ask, is there a right way to raise happy children who will become well adjusted, productive adults?
One of the main things to remember is that our children are being raised in a world dominated by societal and peer pressure, and parental skills are compared to those exhibited by theatrical parents on TV sitcoms. Those forever smiling television parents-always available and never losing their cool-are not real and it is unfair to use them as a scale to measure real life parents, who are weighed down by financial burdens and tighter schedules.
Also, the demands on children are doubling with each passing day, as they are expected to behave like pint size adults in a society which no longer allows children to be children.
If a child is rambunctious, he or she is quickly diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD, and is medicated to numb the excess energy which no longer has an outlet through creative play and physical activity.
In the old days, children were able to go outside and play from sunrise to sunset, and were therefore allowed to use the endless supply of energy that they are naturally equipped with. In today’s world, children are increasingly kept inside and forced to channel their energy into indoor entertainment, often with the result of living their childhood through the virtual adventures of video games characters.
With that said, it is important to understand that discipline is just as important today as it was yesterday, and children need limits and boundaries that will control their natural tendency to go overboard.
There has to be a balance of praise and moderate discipline, so that the child will feel loved, accepted and appreciated, but will also understand what areas of behavior need improvement.As parents, we have the responsibility of maintaining the reins of this balance, if we ever hope to set the building blocks of a functional society.
In generations past, the rearing of children was stricter when compared to the standards our society lives by today, and most of those children grew into responsible and creative adults.
Today, in an era of psychological expertise aimed at telling parents how they should raise their children, parents don’t know how to act any more. A new school of thought teaches that parents should praise their children for good behavior and not discipline them; because all children thrive on praise and acceptance, if rewarded for the good actions, they will try to repeat those behaviors to earn even more positive attention.
Yet, our youth is not thriving. Juvenile crime rates are rising at frightening speed, and our children are caught in a spiral of self-destruction.
As parents are losing their grip on the ability to keep things under control, and feel that society is promoting a new generation of weeping, uncontrolled criminals, new fundamentalist groups are sprouting like poisonous mushrooms on a field. Michael Pearl, the minister who advises parents to beat their children with plastic plumbing supply line, is only one of the radical advocates of parental rights who, sadly, appeal to the weary and frightened parents who no longer know where to turn.
So, parents ask, is there a right way to raise happy children who will become well adjusted, productive adults?
One of the main things to remember is that our children are being raised in a world dominated by societal and peer pressure, and parental skills are compared to those exhibited by theatrical parents on TV sitcoms. Those forever smiling television parents-always available and never losing their cool-are not real and it is unfair to use them as a scale to measure real life parents, who are weighed down by financial burdens and tighter schedules.
Also, the demands on children are doubling with each passing day, as they are expected to behave like pint size adults in a society which no longer allows children to be children.
If a child is rambunctious, he or she is quickly diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD, and is medicated to numb the excess energy which no longer has an outlet through creative play and physical activity.
In the old days, children were able to go outside and play from sunrise to sunset, and were therefore allowed to use the endless supply of energy that they are naturally equipped with. In today’s world, children are increasingly kept inside and forced to channel their energy into indoor entertainment, often with the result of living their childhood through the virtual adventures of video games characters.
With that said, it is important to understand that discipline is just as important today as it was yesterday, and children need limits and boundaries that will control their natural tendency to go overboard.
There has to be a balance of praise and moderate discipline, so that the child will feel loved, accepted and appreciated, but will also understand what areas of behavior need improvement.As parents, we have the responsibility of maintaining the reins of this balance, if we ever hope to set the building blocks of a functional society.
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