One More Shot at New Year's Resolution

“When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it - but all that had gone before.” ~ Jacob Riis


Once again, we are preparing to usher in a new year. In the midst of a flurry of traditions and celebrations, many are working on their list of resolutions. The list most often includes lifestyle improvements such as quitting smoking or drinking, healthier eating habits and weight loss.

Making a list is an easy thing; getting started with the best of intentions is the next easy thing; then, when all the easy stuff has run its course, the hard part begins: sticking with our resolutions. After the original steam has evaporated, the long-term benefits of the choice we made are still floating somewhere at the edges of the mind, but they suddenly don’t seem so important any more, when compared with the immediate struggles we are facing on the journey toward our destination. Eight times out of ten, New Year resolutions die in their infancy.

Many approach their resolutions with determination, but if they trip and fall even once, they often feel that the battle is lost for one more year, and they are ready to give it up until the next January first. Imagine if babies gave up trying to walk after they fell once or even a handful of times, and they didn’t try again until they turned a year older. With each fall, their brains record the experience and work relentlessly to avoid the same obstacles; they might require several tries, and several bumps, but eventually they learn to coordinate their movements in such a way that they fall less and less. Their success does not depend on the last time they stood up and took three steps without falling, but on the countless times before, when they took one step and fell down.

We might have tried the same resolution more times than we can count on the fingers of two hands, but each time we make an attempt at conquering our goal our chances of success are greater. Surely, we might fall again, but we could also be ready to finally walk alone. And if we do fail again, it’s good to know that it wasn’t in vain.

Falling is not an excuse for giving up on trying, but an opportunity to learn what didn’t work, so we’ll have more chances to succeed when we stand up and give it another shot.

New Year's Wish Cakes

With less than a week left before we say goodbye to the current year, many are already beginning to formulate their resolutions for the next.

Rather than coming up with resolutions, my family and I bake “wish cakes” on New Year’s Eve. That tradition is one I grew up with, and has become one of my children’s favorites through the years. We normally select a cake mix that contains lemon and poppy seeds. The lemon is said to purify and remove negativity, while the poppy seeds open the doors of the mind and allow us to accept blessings more willingly. Other choices for cake mix are also cinnamon and vanilla (respectively used to speed wishes and attract love).

After mixing the ingredients, we add little charms I keep for the occasion; they can be anything one may wish; for example, if someone is looking for marriage, they could put in a wedding ring (fake ones can be found at craft stores, in the section for weddings), or coins for prosperity. Other items may include tiny car charms, hearts for love, ladybugs for good fortune, and small, rolled pieces of paper with something written on it - anything that holds a special meaning for the person baking the cupcakes and the people they will be shared with.

The mix is then poured in muffin cups and baked. Right after midnight, each person in the family gets an equal amount of cakes, and sees what the New Year will bring them.

I happened to be on the phone with my sister, last year, while I was preparing the cakes; she told me to put in something special for her, something she would like. Since travel is her greatest passion, I put in a small paper with the writing “surprise vacation” and a small charm shaped as a passport. At midnight, I announced that one of the cakes was for Aunt Patrizia, and we all were stunned when both travel charms were found inside the cake I had selected for her.

What’s even crazier, at the time neither of us knew that my parents had decided to give my sister a special gift, and had bought her a plane ticket to come and see me, as a surprise to both of us.

So, this is one of our New Year’s traditions. My family has been having fun with it for many years, and I thought it was time I pass it along. After all, a little sprinkle of magic and games never hurts anyone, and makes life more fun.

Wish cake, anyone?

When the Walls Start Crumbling Down

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.” ~ Anonymous


Christmas Eve was the day for a little home-building at the Carrington-Smiths. As we do every year, we purchased three gingerbread house kits – one for each child – extra icing and candy, and plenty of little extras to add to the decorations.

Thursday morning, the kids could hardly wait through breakfast to get started. We set all the supplies out on the kitchen table and proceeded to open the kits. To our disappointment, the walls in one of the kits were broken. “No fear,” I told the kids feeling more ambitious than normal, “we can try to fix the walls with a little icing before we set them up.” It sounded like a fun project to tackle…my son held the broken pieces and I squirted icing in between them; we then pushed the pieces together and waited until they dried out. By the time we had “glued” all the walls – each was broken in three or four pieces – I was halfway glued together myself, and certainly wore enough icing to be certifiably decorated for the holidays.

We finally set our fixed walls on the tray. It took but a handful of seconds for the whole structure to collapse. My kids looked at the house and then at me in horror, and tried to guess my next reaction. Indeed, my thoughts battled between throwing the blistered thing into the trash and trying again; finally I made a decision: Was there really a point in forcing together something that obviously was not meant to work? I could try to glue the pieces together one more time, but if they fell out once, they were probably going to crumble under the weight of the roof again. It was time to count my losses and go back to the store.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I was immediately reminded of the reason why I never go to the store on Christmas Eve – the parking lot was full and people were acting as if we were storing bunkers in preparation for a nuclear explosion. After being blessed with a parking spot – compliments of a lady who left when I got there – I made my way into the store. I went straight to the table where the gingerbread house kits were displayed, picked one up and headed toward the cash register. As I got ready to get in line, the automatic doors of the store opened to allow a lady in. She took a few steps toward the produce section, and then she thunderously yelled: “Happy Holidays, everybody!”

Serial killers could have been shopping that day, yet she didn’t care – her spirit was just too full of joy to be selective about the people she sent good wishes to. Watching that display of pure and unconditionally positive energy made me smile and it made my trip to the store quite special. If I had stayed home and continued to force together pieces that no longer fit, I would have missed this beautiful moment.

Sometimes we feel that by letting go of something that no longer works we are giving up on it, but in reality we are only accepting the fact that some things are just not meant to work. When the cracks are too deep, and efforts to fix the situation have failed, it is best to let go and make room for something new. The new gingerbread house only took a few minutes to put together since the walls were healthy and strong, and once the kids finished decorating it, it turned into a little masterpiece. The walls we weren’t able to use also went to serve a good purpose – we spread peanut butter and sprinkled birdseed on them for the wild animals living behind our house. What started as a disaster turned into a fun lesson to learn, and in the end we all had a wonderful time.