Individuality as an Asset

“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.” ~ Oscar Wilde


Yesterday afternoon, as I sat with my son to work on some Algebra problems, I scanned through the math workbook and tried explaining the different steps he should follow. He was lost at first, so I solved one of the problems and hoped that he would see the pattern. He looked at it for a minute, then grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something down. I hadn’t the foggiest idea of what he was doing, but when he finished the result was the same as mine. I gave him two other problems, and I solved them myself separately – once again, the results matched. When I looked at the steps he had taken, they made absolute sense, although I probably would not have followed that same path to get to the solution. The way he processed the problem was not a conventional one, yet it led to correct results.

Each of us is an original, and thus we cannot be replicated. We spend large portions of our lives trying to be someone else just to belong, and if we can’t identify with our fellow humans through a similarity of appearance or thought we feel like the proverbial oddball, and often doubt our self-worth.

We can never truly be like the person in front of us, or like the one behind us for that matter, simply because they are not us. The way we live our lives - and the path we follow to seek a solution - are not better or worse than others, they are just different; they are our way, our unique approach.

One of the greatest evils of societies is the tendency to sacrifice individuality in favor of the collective good, but a society without free thinking is nothing more than an assembly line spitting out generalized concepts. In order to evolve, great minds must be allowed to unlock their hidden potential. What counts is the final result, not the path we have chosen to get to destination. Each of us is important and irreplaceable, and we should honor our individuality, instead than feeling inferior or superior because we are doing things differently than anyone else.

Similarly, we must respect the uniqueness of others, and their contribution to the whole. As Oscar Wilde so eloquently said: “A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be red and roses.”

So be who you are, always. Respect that in the greater scheme of things you are one-of-a-kind and you are exactly who and what you need to be, at the very place and time you need to be there. Just because your potential is not visible at this moment doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but rather it means that it probably won’t unlock until you use a different key.

The Snake and the Frog - A Reflection on Purpose and Our Impact on the Lives of Others

“Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that what was meant to be will always find a way to come about.” ~ Author unknown


Although we had made all kinds of plans yesterday, the day went by in the haze of laziness only a Sunday can inspire – at six last night, we were all still wearing pajamas. After dinner, Morgan asked if we could go to the park for a while, so at about seven we hopped in the car and headed out to play.

While Morgan ran around on the playground, Michael and John played tag with the ball we had brought along, and they took turns hiding in different spots. Thinking that his dad had gone down a path which runs around the baseball fields and cuts across a swampy area to get away from him, Michael headed down the path too. I called him back, but he didn’t hear me and kept walking. Since John had since reappeared from the bushes surrounding the playground, I left Morgan with him and walked after Michael, equally surprised that he wasn’t scared to go through the dense wooded area by himself, and a little upset that he would not just think of turning back around once he didn’t see his father.

The sun was setting rapidly, and the thick canopy of trees shadowed the path further, making it hard to see ahead. Suddenly something darted in front of my feet and I looked to see what it was – a little frog was jumping as fast as it could, hoping to cross the path and find shelter in the brush on the other side. My first thought was that the frog was trying to get away from me, but a second glimpse convinced me otherwise. A snake came slithering fast out of where the frog had jumped from, but it turned around and disappeared quickly as soon as it realized I was standing there. In the fading light I could not see what kind of snake it was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t too happy I had ruined its dinner.

Seconds later I saw Michael walking back toward me – he had finally noticed his dad wasn’t on the path and was on his way back. No harm was done, and after a little pep talk about not venturing off alone we went back to the playground where the rest of the family was. On the way back I couldn’t help thinking how unexpected events we become involved in – even when we are not affected directly – can make a huge difference in the life of someone else completely unrelated to us. My sudden presence was certainly not a blessing for the hungry snake, but for the frog it had been the opportunity of a lifetime.

We are often unaware of why we run into situations, and rarely think that our role at that moment might only be one of support in the unfolding of another’s destiny. Each moment, each event can potentially change someone’s life, even when to us it merely manifests as an annoying occurrence.

Everything happens for a reason – it may not always be apparent why, but in the greater scheme of things we don’t always have to know the details.

Fear Stings

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~ Author unknown

My daughter and I have been watching a colony of Polistes wasps – commonly known as ‘Paper Wasps’ – build their nest on our porch throughout the summer. The “construction project” started several weeks ago, when the founding queen came along and picked an upper corner to settle her domain. Within a few days from her appearance, the first chamber was built, then a few more, until the finished job looked like an upside-down umbrella, with only a few rooms insulated by a paper-like substance and most left open.

Since paper wasps are rarely aggressive and are natural enemies of many garden pests, we left them alone and they never bothered with us, even when we were at very close distance. The whole symbiotic process worked great until a friend of my son – terrified of bees and wasps alike – came over this weekend and went out to sit on the porch. Unbeknownst to me, he must have seen one or the workers fly around looking for insects, got scared, and used a wooden staff I keep by the door to knock the nest down, hoping to drive the wasps away.

When I walked outside later, I saw the nest on the ground and a group of workers still in the spot where the nest originally was, so I picked it up and looked at it – babies were still nestled in the chambers and moving. The moment I picked it up, a few workers began to fly around, but my attention was not on them; in that moment I was focused on finding a way to save the babies.

I finally found a spot slightly elevated and protected from the elements and set the nest there; all along, the workers continued to fly around a few inches away. As soon as I moved away they went back to the nest and resumed their routines.

When I related the incident to my husband, he was stunned that the wasps had allowed me to pick up their nest full of babies and had kept away instead than stinging me, but I didn’t think it was all that odd. Animals and insects alike can perceive vibrations, and wasps especially are so sensitive to smell that can be trained to detect any chemical, including substances used to produce illegal drugs. When we are afraid, our bodies produce different chemicals than when we are relaxed, thus changing the scent we emanate. As I focused on saving the babies, fear was the last thing on my mind, and the wasps never felt I was a threat. Somehow, in the greater scheme of things, they knew I was trying to help them ensure the continuation of their colony.

By focusing on love we can shift the polarity of our experiences. We might think that anger and hatred are the other face of love, but fear actually is – anger and hatred are secondary emotions that are born from fear. When we choose to look at life through love rather than fear, we dramatically cut our chances of getting hurt, as others don’t perceive us as a threat. On the contrary, when we are fearful – and the vibes we send out are negative ones, since anger and fear are related to each other – others assume we will hurt them and they instantly shift into a defensive mode, ready to attack.

Shifting from fear to love is simpler than we think. Even wasps seem to know that.