The Two Wolves

While many of us remained painfully glued to TV screens as Shaniya Davis’s body finally surfaced, the minds of most struggled to wrap around whatever could have possibly motivated her mother to open the door to such evil. A short story came to mind, one I read a long time ago which always stuck with me. I don’t suppose anyone has any doubts as to which wolf Shaniya’s mother fed.

“An old Cherokee man went walking in the mountains with his grandson. They sat on a rock and observed a pack of wolves in the distance.

The old man told his grandson: “Do you see those wolves over there?”

When the young man nodded, the old Cherokee continued. “At all times, there are two wolves living inside each of us. One is greedy, aggressive, envious, fearful and confrontational. The other is gentle, nurturing, embracing, trusting, peaceful and humble. The two are at odds with each other and fight incessantly.”

The young man remained silent and continued to stare at the wolves in the distance; then he turned toward his grandfather and said: “Which of the two wolves survives the fight and lives?”

The old Cherokee man replied: “The one you feed”.”

It is too late for Shaniya, but it is not late for each of us to take a moment and look within our own lives to see what type of feelings we allow our energy to feed. Change does begin with ourselves and ripples outward toward the rest of the world, touching and empowering other lives as it moves.

The Sweetest Revenge

“The best revenge is massive success.” ~ Frank Sinatra


Throughout the years, I’ve met many people; many of them have survived some kind of abuse. Interestingly enough, after they were no longer abused by others, they picked up where others left off, and violated themselves even worse than any of their oppressors ever did.

It is not uncommon for victims of abuse – physical, verbal or mental – to self-sabotage. Going into the trigger mechanisms of such a response would indeed require a much longer discussion than what can be afforded in a blog post, as would the analysis of each unique type of response, but we can safely assess that most individuals who have suffered an emotional trauma as a consequence of abuse tend to indulge in behaviors which validate the actions of the abusers rather than dispelling them.

Let’s assume, for example, that someone was repeatedly told they could not amount to anything in life, and they were led to believe that their actions were a ticket straight to hell. In many cases, they had probably felt incapable and smothered at every corner. Let’s say, now, that this individual is finally free – at least physically – from the person who abused them. The first thing they would probably do, the moment they are able to control their own lives, is to indulge in the very same behaviors their abuser used as ammunition to gain control over them.

By continuing the abuse that others had begun, we only validate the faulty perception they have of us. No matter what happened, we don’t need to let the abuse go any further, especially if we are now the ones in the driver’s seat. If someone never believed we could amount to anything, and we turn their vision into reality, we choose to give them more power than they were ever entitled to have. If, instead, we focus on cracking their assumption, and we direct our energies to shifting the sail toward a positive current, we have instantly broken the drama and won the battle.

Nobody ever said that revenge must walk a rocky trail. Skipping over the rocks that were placed on our path to make us fall is the best way to show the world that we are finally free from the chains of the past.

Holiday Blues

When we think of holidays, the first thing that comes to mind is the time we will spend with our loved ones, but what happens when our loved ones are no longer there to share the cheer? As happy and cheerful as the holiday season is for some, it is probably the hardest time of year for those who have lost someone they love.

Several years ago – when I first moved to the US, far away from most I hold dear – a friend gave me a small book entitled “There’s No Such Place As Far Away” by Richard Bach. I didn’t touch it for a while; then, one morning, as I was sitting alone in my empty apartment, feeling alone and disconnected from everyone, I picked the little book up and began to read. It was the story of a little boy who had moved really far away from his best friend. On the day of his friend’s birthday he wanted to celebrate with him, and the pain he felt in his heart, being so far away, was overwhelming and unbearable. He asked several birds if they could help him get to his friend’s house, and all of them told him they were too small to carry him or they had other things to do. Finally, a wise bird told the little boy: “If you truly love your friend, aren’t you already there with him? The only thing that separates you from him is space, and space is never larger than love.” The little boy thought about it for a while, then realized the bird was right. His friend loved him, and knew he was loved back; most of all, his friend would not want him to be sad on such a special day; the best thing the little boy could do would be to look in his heart and find the joy his friend’s birthday brought to him, whether they could spend it together or not. So the little boy went on about his day, wishing his friend a happy birthday and knowing that, even if they were apart, their memories joined them forever.

True love and friendship cannot be cut short by boundaries of time, space or form. When we truly love someone, we can still be with them through the power of the memories built together and know they will never leave us, as the sound of their voice will forever echo through the walls of our hearts.

Our loved ones would not want to see us unhappy; although they crossed over and shed their outer shell, their true essence is still with us, and the love they felt for us is still alive. Rather than feeling guilty or empty at the thought of celebrating a special day without them, we should make it a point to celebrate it in their honor. A Christmas song, or a Thanksgiving meal, should not be daggers in the heart, but chances to reminisce the happy moments we spent with our loved ones while they were still with us; a beautiful array of decorations should not feel like an insult to our grief, but remind us of the times we decked the halls together.

By letting go of the pain we are not letting go of the love for the person who’s no longer with us. The grief we feel is an invisible chain we hang on to in the hope of remaining connected somehow, a silver cord which prevents us from separating completely. Although we may feel as if we are shamefully betraying our loved ones by daring to be happy without them, we are instead honoring their memory by infusing life into a moment they would love to share with us, and we can respectfully thank them for the beautiful memories they have gifted us with.