No Longer Afraid

Many of us probably remember when, as children, we believed monsters were lurking in the darkness of our closet, or lay hidden under our bed, patiently waiting to seize us as soon as our parents left the room. Although we were told they weren’t real, in our minds we could picture them clearly: huge and threatening, their eager, yellow, slimy fangs glimmering in the shadows, ready to swallow us in one single bite.

As adults we still fear the monsters lurking in the unknown and the forgotten, and often picture them much mightier than they really are. The monsters we fear as adults lurk behind the curtains of important decisions, or in the chambers of the mind we have chosen to lock away after being emotionally wounded. The two are quite different from one another.

The monsters we fear when we find ourselves at an important crossroad in our lives are birthed by the apprehension we feel when facing uncertainty. Most of us experience anxiety when not sure of what will unfold; we tend to expect the worst as a defense mechanism; by doing so, we are already braced for disaster before taking the turn and don’t feel as concerned with being attacked by unforeseen events. In the majority of cases, the apprehension we feel is unfounded and mostly feeds on insecurities. In some situation, we feel as if we are facing a daunting task which will drain us of vital energy; once we get started with the project – and get swept into the flow of things – the work gets done and we realize it wasn’t too bad after all.

The other type of monsters we need to face, at times, are the ones we have kept locked away in the attic of our mind, those which caused us great pain in the past and we tried to forget about, the very same ones which haunt our dreams and taint our daily life. This kind of monster is the scariest to face. After being locked away for so long, we have forgotten what it truly looks like, and our imagination paints it much bigger and much more threatening. Truth is, after being locked away for several years, the monster has weakened, and the emotional charge which we attached to it when it was free and able to harm us has depleted with time. After so much time away from it, we have also become stronger and more able to defeat it, so we no longer need to fear it as the mighty giant it used to be.

Once exposed to the light of a conscious confrontation, it will likely appear for what it truly is: an old, residual fragment of the original monster, void of energy and greatly undernourished because of the new choices we have made for ourselves. By keeping it tucked away, we have assumed that its power would never lessen, and have saved it in our mind’s eye as being as big as it was when we locked it away. We have chosen to keep it alive out of sheer fear, and fed it on occasion with our anxiety and doubts.

At some point, it is time for the monsters to be slain. It is time to bring them out and face them in the light of day; only then we will see that the fear of the monster is much larger than the monster itself.

One More Shot at New Year's Resolution

“When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it - but all that had gone before.” ~ Jacob Riis


Once again, we are preparing to usher in a new year. In the midst of a flurry of traditions and celebrations, many are working on their list of resolutions. The list most often includes lifestyle improvements such as quitting smoking or drinking, healthier eating habits and weight loss.

Making a list is an easy thing; getting started with the best of intentions is the next easy thing; then, when all the easy stuff has run its course, the hard part begins: sticking with our resolutions. After the original steam has evaporated, the long-term benefits of the choice we made are still floating somewhere at the edges of the mind, but they suddenly don’t seem so important any more, when compared with the immediate struggles we are facing on the journey toward our destination. Eight times out of ten, New Year resolutions die in their infancy.

Many approach their resolutions with determination, but if they trip and fall even once, they often feel that the battle is lost for one more year, and they are ready to give it up until the next January first. Imagine if babies gave up trying to walk after they fell once or even a handful of times, and they didn’t try again until they turned a year older. With each fall, their brains record the experience and work relentlessly to avoid the same obstacles; they might require several tries, and several bumps, but eventually they learn to coordinate their movements in such a way that they fall less and less. Their success does not depend on the last time they stood up and took three steps without falling, but on the countless times before, when they took one step and fell down.

We might have tried the same resolution more times than we can count on the fingers of two hands, but each time we make an attempt at conquering our goal our chances of success are greater. Surely, we might fall again, but we could also be ready to finally walk alone. And if we do fail again, it’s good to know that it wasn’t in vain.

Falling is not an excuse for giving up on trying, but an opportunity to learn what didn’t work, so we’ll have more chances to succeed when we stand up and give it another shot.

New Year's Wish Cakes

With less than a week left before we say goodbye to the current year, many are already beginning to formulate their resolutions for the next.

Rather than coming up with resolutions, my family and I bake “wish cakes” on New Year’s Eve. That tradition is one I grew up with, and has become one of my children’s favorites through the years. We normally select a cake mix that contains lemon and poppy seeds. The lemon is said to purify and remove negativity, while the poppy seeds open the doors of the mind and allow us to accept blessings more willingly. Other choices for cake mix are also cinnamon and vanilla (respectively used to speed wishes and attract love).

After mixing the ingredients, we add little charms I keep for the occasion; they can be anything one may wish; for example, if someone is looking for marriage, they could put in a wedding ring (fake ones can be found at craft stores, in the section for weddings), or coins for prosperity. Other items may include tiny car charms, hearts for love, ladybugs for good fortune, and small, rolled pieces of paper with something written on it - anything that holds a special meaning for the person baking the cupcakes and the people they will be shared with.

The mix is then poured in muffin cups and baked. Right after midnight, each person in the family gets an equal amount of cakes, and sees what the New Year will bring them.

I happened to be on the phone with my sister, last year, while I was preparing the cakes; she told me to put in something special for her, something she would like. Since travel is her greatest passion, I put in a small paper with the writing “surprise vacation” and a small charm shaped as a passport. At midnight, I announced that one of the cakes was for Aunt Patrizia, and we all were stunned when both travel charms were found inside the cake I had selected for her.

What’s even crazier, at the time neither of us knew that my parents had decided to give my sister a special gift, and had bought her a plane ticket to come and see me, as a surprise to both of us.

So, this is one of our New Year’s traditions. My family has been having fun with it for many years, and I thought it was time I pass it along. After all, a little sprinkle of magic and games never hurts anyone, and makes life more fun.

Wish cake, anyone?