The Singer with a Fat Voice

“Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by.” ~ John Sales


Yesterday morning I was working on one of my sites while my daughter was drawing a picture beside me. Since I had turned on the sound on my laptop earlier to listen to a song, the soundtrack of the novel video trailer came on. Without even lifting her eyes from the paper, Morgan said: “I like that song mommy. Is that guy fat like a teddy bear?”
Caught by surprise at the random question, I asked her what she meant, so she looked up at the screen and said again: “Where is the guy who is singing the song? I think he is big like my teddy bear.”

Since the only images on the video are related to scenes in the novel and don’t show the song performer, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJPL1wqlV_Y her assumption gave me food for thought. Why would a four-year-old think someone is overweight just from hearing a voice in a video, if she had no visual trigger that would support that assumption? I showed her what the singer really looked like in another video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8CNmEUVDjE, and she seemed surprised - the image she had conjured in her mind and the actual person didn’t match at all.

One of the greatest flaws of human nature is to assume facts before we even bother to check if our impressions are aligned with reality. We create a mental picture of someone and seal it in our mind with the fire of prejudgment, ready to jump to unsupported conclusions that are nothing more than shaky speculations.

The fact that a four-year-old was ready to prejudge someone’s appearance from the sound of his voice suggests that this type of behavior is a product of nature rather than nurture - to my knowledge nobody has ever taught my daughter that large men have throaty voices and small men don’t. If nature is at fault, it is twice as important to condition ourselves to never assume and prejudge, at least until we have gathered evidence to support our assumptions.

I believe this concept applies to most areas in our lives. Stereotyping leads to undesirable and unwarranted drama, and it explains nothing about the unique personalities of the people we encounter. When we meet anyone, we should only be clear on one thing: we know nothing about them, and prejudging an individual’s potential, character or lifestyle can only blind our ability to see the real person standing in front of us.

By conjuring a mental image we feel in control and less vulnerable to surprises. We are naturally inclined to categorize and label our experiences, and we are afraid to give strangers the benefit of a blank board, even if what we rationalize is not necessarily reality.

After watching the two videos, Morgan went back to her picture, not giving this matter any further thought, but I hope that some day – when the time comes for her to step out into the world – she will benefit from having learned that what we assume is not always what is.

Individuality as an Asset

“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.” ~ Oscar Wilde


Yesterday afternoon, as I sat with my son to work on some Algebra problems, I scanned through the math workbook and tried explaining the different steps he should follow. He was lost at first, so I solved one of the problems and hoped that he would see the pattern. He looked at it for a minute, then grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something down. I hadn’t the foggiest idea of what he was doing, but when he finished the result was the same as mine. I gave him two other problems, and I solved them myself separately – once again, the results matched. When I looked at the steps he had taken, they made absolute sense, although I probably would not have followed that same path to get to the solution. The way he processed the problem was not a conventional one, yet it led to correct results.

Each of us is an original, and thus we cannot be replicated. We spend large portions of our lives trying to be someone else just to belong, and if we can’t identify with our fellow humans through a similarity of appearance or thought we feel like the proverbial oddball, and often doubt our self-worth.

We can never truly be like the person in front of us, or like the one behind us for that matter, simply because they are not us. The way we live our lives - and the path we follow to seek a solution - are not better or worse than others, they are just different; they are our way, our unique approach.

One of the greatest evils of societies is the tendency to sacrifice individuality in favor of the collective good, but a society without free thinking is nothing more than an assembly line spitting out generalized concepts. In order to evolve, great minds must be allowed to unlock their hidden potential. What counts is the final result, not the path we have chosen to get to destination. Each of us is important and irreplaceable, and we should honor our individuality, instead than feeling inferior or superior because we are doing things differently than anyone else.

Similarly, we must respect the uniqueness of others, and their contribution to the whole. As Oscar Wilde so eloquently said: “A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be red and roses.”

So be who you are, always. Respect that in the greater scheme of things you are one-of-a-kind and you are exactly who and what you need to be, at the very place and time you need to be there. Just because your potential is not visible at this moment doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but rather it means that it probably won’t unlock until you use a different key.

The Snake and the Frog - A Reflection on Purpose and Our Impact on the Lives of Others

“Everything happens for a reason. Every action has a reaction. Always remember that what was meant to be will always find a way to come about.” ~ Author unknown


Although we had made all kinds of plans yesterday, the day went by in the haze of laziness only a Sunday can inspire – at six last night, we were all still wearing pajamas. After dinner, Morgan asked if we could go to the park for a while, so at about seven we hopped in the car and headed out to play.

While Morgan ran around on the playground, Michael and John played tag with the ball we had brought along, and they took turns hiding in different spots. Thinking that his dad had gone down a path which runs around the baseball fields and cuts across a swampy area to get away from him, Michael headed down the path too. I called him back, but he didn’t hear me and kept walking. Since John had since reappeared from the bushes surrounding the playground, I left Morgan with him and walked after Michael, equally surprised that he wasn’t scared to go through the dense wooded area by himself, and a little upset that he would not just think of turning back around once he didn’t see his father.

The sun was setting rapidly, and the thick canopy of trees shadowed the path further, making it hard to see ahead. Suddenly something darted in front of my feet and I looked to see what it was – a little frog was jumping as fast as it could, hoping to cross the path and find shelter in the brush on the other side. My first thought was that the frog was trying to get away from me, but a second glimpse convinced me otherwise. A snake came slithering fast out of where the frog had jumped from, but it turned around and disappeared quickly as soon as it realized I was standing there. In the fading light I could not see what kind of snake it was but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t too happy I had ruined its dinner.

Seconds later I saw Michael walking back toward me – he had finally noticed his dad wasn’t on the path and was on his way back. No harm was done, and after a little pep talk about not venturing off alone we went back to the playground where the rest of the family was. On the way back I couldn’t help thinking how unexpected events we become involved in – even when we are not affected directly – can make a huge difference in the life of someone else completely unrelated to us. My sudden presence was certainly not a blessing for the hungry snake, but for the frog it had been the opportunity of a lifetime.

We are often unaware of why we run into situations, and rarely think that our role at that moment might only be one of support in the unfolding of another’s destiny. Each moment, each event can potentially change someone’s life, even when to us it merely manifests as an annoying occurrence.

Everything happens for a reason – it may not always be apparent why, but in the greater scheme of things we don’t always have to know the details.