March 25th - What Tomorrow Will Bring

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”~ Brian Tracy


Tonight my parents are arriving from Italy. The past few days have been a flurry of activity in preparation for their visit, and we are all eagerly awaiting to see them. Today, as I was putting in the final touches, I found myself daydreaming about all the wonderful moments we will spend together in the next three weeks, and all I could envision was fun, laughter, and many, many hugs.

Those thoughts triggered a question I my mind – would I look forward to their visit as much if I hadn’t had as nice a childhood as I did? Of course I would still love them for being my parents, but would my expectations of the days to come be the same?

It occurred to me that our expectations for the future are, in great part, directly tied to our experiences in the past. If we had nice, rewarding moments – and are able to connect them to a person or a situation – we are likely to expect that everything ahead is going to be equally rewarding. If, on the other hand, our past experiences were less than desirable, our expectations of our future are probably just as bleak.

We can’t change our past, but we can do something about our present and future. Because of their intimate tie, by changing our expectations of our future, we are able to heal some of the wounds of the past.

Our perception of situations is often connected to our point of perspective at the time of the occurrence. By improving our self-worth and creating rewarding expectations, we can open ourselves to a new awareness, and create a pathway which will allow us to look at our past with a new point of view. Once we examine old hurts with new eyes, our assessment of them is likely to change, thus giving us the opportunity to move past some of our inner blocks.

By allowing the formulation of healthy expectations we give ourselves silent permission to heal and forgive those elements of our past that we weren’t able to reconcile with until now. We may not get what we deserve, at times, but we all certainly get what we expect. So, why not expect the best and enjoy the moments preceding the occasion? We might be pleasantly surprised.

The Child Who Was Saved From Himself

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place." ~ Unknown

Everyone who knows me well also knows that I have three children by birth, and one by soul connection. The latter is the grandson of one of my dearest friends, and somehow, he has always been like a son to me.

As a child, he has always been overly controlled by his mother, and grew up despising authority in every form – in his mind, rules are synonymous of control, and he won’t have any of it. After being crushed most of his young life he finally hit the infamous teen years, and decided he was done with it.

From that day on, he rebelled against everything, and came into constant conflicts with his mother. Suddenly, the subdued little child turned into a punk teenager, ready to fight anyone who got in his way. After he ran away from home several times, his mother decided she was done with him too, and practically threw him out on the street - not before telling him one final time that he would never amount to anything in his life.

He found shelter at his grandparents’ home, and although the original adjustment was a bit rough for all involved, they all finally settled into a living arrangement everyone was comfortable with. During one of the crisis, I told my friend how much I admired her efforts, and her only reply to me was: “Regardless of how he is behaving now, he is my grandson, and I love him.”

Somehow, rather than being swept into the drama of the current situation, she and her husband kept their focus on what was truly important. At the time his mother threw him out, he was a child slightly older than fifteen, freshly dropped out of high-school, with no car, no money, and no job; he was certainly not able to care for himself.

My friend and her husband accepted him for who he is. They never tried to change him, and showed him that love is powerful enough to rise above differences of style or opinion. They both knew that he was at risk of running away again, and would have easily become another face on the list of missing children.

I know there were many times my friend was ready to give up, but if she hadn’t hung on, she would have missed the opportunity she finally had to see her beloved grandson graduate high-school; if she had given up on him, she never would have heard of his current plans to attend culinary school.

When her boy was lost, she turned off her immediate vision of the obvious, and focused instead on the light she knew still existed in him. She fed that tiny light a little each day, until it grew and strengthened on its own. Although her eyes showed her a little ugly duckling, through her heart she saw the beautiful swan hiding within.

She held on to her vision, and allowed time and love to take care of the rest. And a child was saved from himself.

A Moment in Time

"Before my accidents, there were ten thousands things I could do. I could spend the rest of my life dwelling on the things I had lost, but instead I chose to focus on the nine thousand I still had left.” ~ W. Mitchell

During a conversation with a friend, yesterday, I was surprised to hear how deeply he dwells on the very things he claims to despise in his life. Although the past couple of years have been a bit hard for him, he is certainly not in a desperate position.

One of the things that piqued my interest in the conversation was the fact that he felt his lack of good fortune was everlasting, while the good moments seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. When I shared some personal good news, his first reaction was: “make sure you enjoy those moments, because they pass too fast. Only the bad ones last.”

That really got me thinking. Is it true - as he assumes - that good moments are the exception rather than the norm? Could it be that “bad” moments seem more intense and longer lasting because we actually engage in them? When something less than desirable crosses our path we dive into the pain and discomfort of it head first. Before long, we become almost totally absorbed by the very situation we despise, and employ a large part of our day thinking about it. Feeling the pain or the anger becomes our main focus.

When things are well, we greatly ignore them, and go through the motions of our day feeling nothing special is going on. In reality, each day we are alive, pain-free, fed and safe, is a day we have been blessed. If you have a problem with this concept, wait until the next time you are in pain, and see what you would pay to feel the way you do when you think you are having a normal day.

When everything is okay we don’t produce as high an emotional response as we do when something is wrong, so moments tend to go by unobserved and unlived. When something goes wrong, the emotional force we feel is almost overwhelming – we can feel our discomfort; we can taste it and hear it in our own words. Most of all, we live it moment by moment, as if afraid that by losing touch with it we’ll waste our opportunity to validate our lack of happiness.

It is possible to invert the two. It is feasible to jumpstart a positive emotional charge by looking for an element of fun in situations, regardless of how dire they appear. It is also acceptable to acknowledge a negative situation without getting married to it.

Ultimately, life is no different than a card game. Luck – or lack of - may have an impact, but learning how to play the game will certainly improve our chances of winning.

It's His Fault!

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of.”~ Jim Rohn


There are many times in the life of a mother when she wants to look at her children and lovingly say “I told you so.” Yesterday was one of those fatidic moments for me.

We have recently adopted a kitten, and although I have repeatedly told my daughter that the kitten is not a toy - and should only be picked up occasionally - my opinion in the matter seem to quickly evaporate the moment the words escape my lips.

Yesterday morning, she was on a mission to get the cat to sit on the counter beside one of her stuffed animals; when she put him down, the kitten tried to escape and she grabbed him quickly – too quickly.

The cat slipped off the counter and instinctually tried to hold on to anything he could as he fell. Unfortunately for her, Morgan happened to be the only thing in his way before he reached the floor.

The result was a deep gash on her hand, as the kitten’s claws dug into her skin and ripped a four-inch path on it. Of course, Morgan could not see her part of responsibility in the unfolding of the situation that had just occurred. According to her, the kitten – who had been until five minutes before the sweetest cat on earth – was now “stupid” and had hurt her on purpose. Although I tried to explain that the kitten had scratched her by accident as he was falling, she would hear no reasons.

More often than not, many of us entirely blame others when something happens, even when we are partly at fault. It is easier to get angry at someone else than it is to get angry at ourselves, regardless of the fact that we might have facilitated the process, if only by enabling the actions of others.

By assuming responsibility for our part, we fear the spotlight of judgment will instantly shine on us, and expose our weaknesses for all to see. Yet, self-accountability is necessary if one hopes to break the chain. Without accepting that a change of perception is needed within ourselves, we will continue to walk blindly into the same mistakes, and will perpetually stumble into the very same rocks we tripped on before.

Each time we point a finger at someone, it wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge that the rest of them are pointing back to ourselves.

Letters to Myself

“Sir, more than kisses, letters mingle souls; for, thus friends absent speak.” ~John Donne


When I first moved to the States - and hardly knew anyone - I lived to see the mailman’s truck pull up, everyday. I waited by the window with the same eagerness of a child on Christmas Eve, and through the daily deliveries of a skinny Santa dressed in blue I felt a little less alone. Although I was excited at the prospect of starting a new life away from home, I was only nineteen, and I missed my friends and family - through letters, their love and support hugged me like a pair of old familiar arms.

As time went by, the phone calls continued daily, but the letters soon became a thing of the past. I slowly lost touch with several friends, and as phone rates became more affordable, the conversations with my family gradually shifted to a spoken exchange rather than a written one. I still have all the letters, and read them again from time to time.

Yesterday, as I was telling a friend how happy I am about the upcoming publication of my books, she suggested I hang on to some of that happiness. She went on to explain that since she was a little girl, she always wrote notes to her future self, and then saved them for a later time when she would need to hear comforting words.

If she was very happy, she told me, she would write a note in which she shared her good news, and encouraged herself to relive the exhilaration of that happy moment. If, later on, she read the note at a time when she felt a bit low on herself, she could reconnect to what had happened in the past and feel better.

Similarly, if she was very angry or sad, she would write her future self a letter about what upset her. Reading it later, after the storm had passed, showed her that all things are temporary, and are rarely as bad as we think they are while we are going through them.

I found her suggestion totally fascinating. I have written letters to others I wanted to share feelings with before, but I’ve never written anything to myself. How fun would it be now, if I could read letters written during the time when I struggled to adjust to a new way of life, or I got frustrated because of the challenges of speaking a new language? And what about those moments when I felt I could just scream out of sheer happiness, such as when I found out I was going to be a mom, or when my husband proposed?

I wish I could read those letters now. It would certainly be fun to compare my life today to something written so long ago, and it would certainly be encouraging to see that obstacles which appeared at the time as solid bricks on my path were nothing more than removable Legos.

It’s obviously too late to recapture those moments from long ago and put them down on paper right now, but it is definitely possible to begin doing so with my life’s latest happenings. In fact, I think I will start today.

Fighting Fire With Fire

“We must not allow ourselves to become like the system we oppose.”~ Bishop Desmond Tutu

If you’ve ever run into someone that makes you angry or scared enough to retaliate, you are certainly not alone. On any given day, most of us are faced with situations and people that test our resolve to be peaceful, and taunt us to show our worst.

I’ve always found it really funny that even in cartoons humans are often depicted as having an angel and a devil near them, each sitting on respective shoulders, forever fighting for predominance - if the little devil wins, the person gives in to lower instincts and fights back; if the little angel has the last word, a peaceful solution is attained.

Good and evil coexist within all of us, regardless of the fact that many try to convince themselves they are only ruled by one side or the other – each of us is capable of killing, stealing, lying, and betraying, and all of us are able to love, tolerate and forgive. Whether one person will decide to follow one path or another usually depends on the combined influence of nature and nurture. One path is chosen, while the other remains dormant until the next decision around the bend.

Because of the fact that at any junction everyone is able to uniquely choose, it is possible for a good person to commit bad deeds, and for a bad person to make “good” choices. Because of the dual nature of all things, everything in the Universe can be changed if repeatedly exposed with reason to the opposing current.

But who’s truly “bad” or “good”? What we have been taught to consider bad may not appear as such to someone who’s been taught a different reality, or has come to believe differently in accordance to personal experiences.

No person ever consciously believes they are “bad” or wrong – if they did, they would change their ways. If someone considers another person to be acting wrong, and reacts to them in the very same fashion they condemn, they have done nothing else but fortify their opponent.

Each of us can be steered both ways – if we truly wish to change something or someone, we need to try heading our boat in the opposite direction and hope they will follow. If they don’t, we must accept that some situations, and the fate of some people, are out of our control. We can’t force others to see through our perception. All we can do is follow our own path and be concerned with our own destiny, taking charge of the decisions that affect us directly while still keeping in mind that we are not necessarily right just because we believe we are. Perception doesn’t always reflect reality, but only shows one of the many facets of it.

We can dispel shadows by turning on the light. Hanging in the dark with the people we are trying to change will only cause both of us to blindly run into each other and ultimately get hurt. We shouldn’t become what we are fighting against.

A Taste of the Spiritual Unknown

A few weeks ago, someone asked me the difference between what I had learned in Catholic school and what was taught to me by my mother and grandmothers – all involved in spiritual paths of their own.

My answer was a simple one – none. All the paths I have had the chance to personally practice have taught me that love is the gateway to a higher consciousness. Names and interpretations change, but the core teachings are fundamentally the same.

Sadly, Hollywood film makers and overzealous writers with no direct knowledge have made sure that what wasn’t already a misconception has become one. The differences among belief systems have been exploited to the point that the similarities have been overshadowed and forgotten.

Drawing from the well I’m most familiar with, I would like to explain some of the principals of Voodoo (also known as Voudoun, depending on the region), to make my point. Voodoo practitioners believe in one Creator (God). The closest essence of Spirit to God is Obatala, known for his preference of all things pure and associated to the vibrations of Jesus. Below them are the Orishas (saints), God’s helpers who lived on Earth prior to their celestial appointment.

The practice of the religion is not to be confused with Hoodoo, the “magical” practice which is sister to Voodoo. Orishas are revered on specific days of the week, usually corresponding to their elemental strength, and are petitioned to bring one’s wishes to the creator.

Although some practitioners do exploit the religion and its practice by performing ludicrous “tricks”, true practitioners work very closely with Universal laws. Deeper knowledge rarely comes without the wisdom to use it, and those who act selfishly are most often charlatans without scruples who achieve few, if any, results. Associating those low practitioners with the lot is no different than associating Jim and Tammy Baker to Christianity. A greedy low-life is going to be just that, regardless of the creed.

Compared to Christianity, Voodoo is a “hands-on” system of belief, but it still manifests itself through prayer. A candle lit for someone’s healing has the same purpose of reciting a prayer. The only difference is that the practitioner is using more senses to pray. Even the infamous voodoo dolls – the public face of Voodoo – are widely used for healing, and merely represent the person the healing energy is sent to.

The difference between Catholicism and Voodoo is the same as one child telling a story and one drawing a picture about it. Once the wish is released to God, it is understood that there may be different plans at work for that person that go beyond human will, and that knowledge is accepted and respected.

As a lady once told me, there is only one vision, and many paths to get there. What counts is the final destination.

When Our Relationship is Only a Band-Aid

“Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.” ~Leo Buscaglia


Just a few days ago my mother was excitedly telling me of the cruise she and my father are going on to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary coming up in October. The moment I hung up the phone, a friend stopped by, and I shared the happy news with her. My friend sighed and asked what their secret is.

Indeed, there is no secret to having a long, healthy relationship, but a good dose of self-love and respect are certainly the key ingredient toward its longevity.

Too often, people embark on relationships to fill inner voids they are unable to satisfy on their own. Because of the burst of energy directed at them by the new partner, they feel renewed, happy and fulfilled. However, as soon as the “newness” wears out – and each person in the game feels comfortable in showing their true colors – the band-aid relationship is defunct.

If people approach a relationship as a whole, their communion is one of equal exchange. No issues of control get in the way, because each person is self-confident and doesn’t need a daily shot of reassurance. On the contrary, when someone approaches a new relationship as a half - and hopes someone else will make them whole by supplying a substitute for the self-love they were lacking in the beginning - the end result is often a sad one.

In the early days of the relationship, when both parties float on the wings of infatuation, each of them is feeding the other person a great deal of energy - the energy flows back and forth and keeps both fulfilled and secure. As days go by, and the level of comfort grows, the amount of energy fed to the other person naturally decreases. Suddenly, the whole is split back in two halves, and each is loudly demanding its fix to feel complete. As the half is starved of its daily dose, old patterns of doubt and fear that were temporarily deactivated are triggered back into action; subconsciously terrified at the thought of being cut off from the energy supply, the person being ignored initiates conflicts to trigger at least a flow of negative energy. Their aggressive approach turns the other person off even more, with the result of a complete shut-off. After a few unsuccessful and pained exchanges, the relationship dies.

We often mistake our fear of being alone with love. Some fear losing others, through death or otherwise, because they are afraid no one will be there to take care of them; other people fear losing loved ones because they need to take care of someone else. Being needed creates a gateway for energy to flow. Either way it's about control, which originates from the ego, not from the soul.

We need to fall in love with ourselves, before we fall in love with others, and know that we are worthy of our own respect and happy being with ourselves. Until we enjoy our own company, we shouldn’t expect others to pick up our slack.

An Act of Random Kindness

"You and I can never do a kindness too soon, for we never know how soon it will be too late." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


It’s amazing how much one can observe and learn even from a run at the grocery store. As I waited to pay for my purchases, yesterday, I noticed that the first person in line was rummaging furiously through the contents in her purse. Stress was evident on her face, and I wondered if she had just realized she had forgotten her wallet.

She looked up at the cashier and seemed ready to cry. She turned toward the two plastic bags containing the few items she had picked up and began to take out some things, mentally adding up what she had to leave behind. When I saw what she had pulled out, my heart sank – a package of store brand ham, cereal, ground beef and a bottle of juice. She held on to two loaves of bread, milk and diapers. She hadn’t forgotten her wallet – she simply didn’t have enough money even for basic necessities and was looking for a miracle at the bottom of her purse.

I immediately dunk my hand into my own to grab my debit card, but the man in front of me beat me to it. He gave the cashier enough money for the entire bill and seemed almost embarrassed that his act of kindness had been a public one.

The woman was stunned at his generosity. She looked up at the man with tear-filled eyes and thanked him. What happened next, however, was the highlight of it all.

He nodded, and told the lady that his best friend had recently taken his own life because no one had realized in time he needed help. His eyes moistened and his voice broke for a moment as he told her to not lose faith because things will eventually turn around. She instinctually hugged him, and a single tear escaped her eyelids. After that, she left. He paid for his deli sandwich and soda, and exited the store quietly.

I watched them both go, and thought about how many times I have probably passed by someone who is silently suffering and didn’t know it. All the anonymous faces inside the store – each with a story of their own, and some bearing crosses.

I thought about the times I could have smiled at a stranger, or helped someone with a small act of kindness, rather than just cross paths with them and look ahead. Any of them could have been the man whose heart was broken, or the lady who didn’t have enough money to buy juice for her children; maybe, they could have been someone whose spouse had recently passed away, or even someone who had lost all hope of ever overcoming hardship.

Truth is, we don’t know the person behind the façade, and we don’t know of their situations and their struggles. Because of that, we should always strive toward being kind to one another. Maybe then, so many would not feel completely lost and alone.

A Perfect Moment

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.” ~Buddha


As humans, we easily take things for granted. Although few of us have concrete reasons to be unhappy, we nearly view complaining as a birthright. Regardless of how unfortunate we are at any given juncture in our lives, the hard times are usually temporary, and we are able to bounce back if so we choose.

Being thankful for the blessings in our lives is a skill we can learn to master. Each day we start a new page of our reality – we can choose to rewrite the lines of yesterday, or begin a new chapter. If the pages already written could use some editing, it is never too late to work on them. There is always room for improvement, yet there are things in our lives that are perfect the way they are, if we stop a moment and acknowledge their existence.

One of my mother’s friends once told me that every morning he thinks about the people and things he would not want to live without, then says a small prayer of gratitude.

Generally speaking, very few of us – if any at all – are completely aware, and consciously thankful, of how much we have going for ourselves, as we rarely pause long enough to acknowledge everything in our world. Let’s consider health, for example – we don’t realize how blessed we are until we begin to have problems. All the days we spend pain-free and absorbed in something else, we probably never give a second thought to the fact that we are healthy.

The same goes for about everything else in our lives. We might run short of money and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for a month. Yet, we have eaten and we are full – our immediate need is taken care of.

We might just be recovering from a broken relationship, during the course of which someone betrayed us. Maybe they did us a favor by timely showing us their true colors, thus giving us the chance to meet somebody else who can really love us the way we deserve.

Realistically, we will never be totally happy until we decide we are going to be. No matter how wealthy, loved, or successful we are, we are going to want more. We can look at things in two ways – we can notice the beauty of our surroundings and enjoy being where we are, or we can be on a constant road trip that will likely lead us nowhere.

In this particular instant, ask yourself what is missing for you to be happy. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, nor the day after. Consider this one moment and determine what is missing and what is available to you in this second. What’s already there is very likely more plentiful than what is not.

Reflections

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

From the time they are born, humans need interaction with one another. Many studies have shown that children who lacked bonding with at least a caregiver during the first years of life have a greater tendency of developing sociopathic traits during their adult life.

Regardless of how much or little attention any of us are given, we mold our lives in response to our environment. Others dictate our self-image and worth by mechanically feeding our needs of confirmation.

Life appears easy for those who seem to have it all – looks, money, success - yet, many of these people aren’t happy. They become so accustomed to associating their self-worth and identity with the positive feedback they receive while riding the crest that if anything happens – or threatens to happen – to mar the assets they are loved for, they take a nose dive into self-pity, and they struggle to merely survive. Hollywood and music stars often stumble into the same trap. They are repeatedly told how gorgeous, talented and powerful they are, but when age or a different trend in their sector threaten their future popularity they become overwhelmed and seek solace in numbing substances.

Real people’s lives are no different. Many of us measure our worth against a superficial scale and if something comes along to undermine the identity we have built we are likely to become anxious and depressed. It is easy to feel wonderful when everything runs smooth, and people feed us positive energy. Nobody is more agreeable than the person everyone agrees with and adores.

But what happens when the going gets tough and, suddenly, the outside feed is suspended? Many will go to extremes, and morph in such ways that will ensure their energetic survival. They learn how to thrive on positive and negative energy alike, and they will associate to people they perceive stronger to appear more likeable.

Being in good terms with our inner person is essential if one chooses to be happy. True acceptance needs to initiate inside of us, not outside. Love from others will come once we have become comfortable with loving ourselves and enjoying our own company.

Love is the glue that keeps us connected to others and to ourselves, but before we can reach out to others - or hope that others will reach out to us - we must extend that hand to ourselves.

When Our Mistakes Become Who We Are

“Just because you make a mistake doesn’t mean you are a mistake.” - Georgette Mosbacher


A few days ago I had an interesting conversation with a lady I met through a friend. She was telling me about her failed marriage, and said that after many years of enduring verbal and emotional abuse she finally decided to count her losses and leave.

It took her so long, she said, because her children were young and she was afraid of not being able to financially weather the separation. She had gone to college before meeting her husband, and had dropped out when she had become pregnant with her first daughter. After that, she had been a stay-at-home mom, and her children had been the light of her existence. She stated that being a mom had been the only thing she knew how to do.

I looked at her in surprise – certainly there has to be something else she is good at and likes to do. When I told her that, her eyes filled with tears. She said that no matter how hard she tries she is a failure by nature. That chilled my blood. Her husband had pointed out her mistakes so often that she had come to believe she could do nothing right. She believed she is the mistake.

After being exposed so long to the verbal attacks, her mind had looked for a reason to justify the abuse, and had come to accept that she deserves it somehow. She felt incapable, unattractive and helpless, regardless of the fact that she is a beautiful and skilled woman.

As we delved deeper into the conversation, she volunteered a little more information – her father had also been quite verbally abusive. She knew he always loved her but had never really accepted that she was different than he.

Her wounds had been patiently etched into the core of her self-worth over time, and at the hands of multiple people. There was a pattern at work here, and I wondered if she was even aware of it. By assuming that her father was right in his criticism – after all he loved her and wouldn’t lie to her, would he? – she had come to accept that she was unworthy of his love. Feeling subconsciously guilty of causing her father unneeded grief, she had sought to continue the punishment he had “lovingly” inflicted on her by marrying a man who was similar to him.

When I pointed out the similarity, she was genuinely surprised and oddly recharged. She asked if I made mistakes often, to which I could only smile - If mistakes were a monetary fund I could easily be set for retirement. Yet, learning from my mistakes has led me to be the person I am today, and I wouldn’t change them for anything.

Mistakes don’t define our character but rather display the mechanisms we use in response to challenges. Someone once said that the worst mistake is our fear of making mistakes, as being afraid to fail will prevents us from trying. Actions can be a mistake, not people. I hope that someday she will be strong enough to see that.

Springing Forth into the Light

“Light gives of itself freely, filling all available space. It does not seek anything in return; it asks not whether you are friend or foe. It gives of itself and is not thereby diminished.” ~Michael Strassfeld

Last night, time finally sprung an hour forward – a comforting sign that spring is at the door. As the short, cold and gloomy days of winter are ready to retire, many of us are ready to get out more and play in the sunshine.

It has long been proven that light has a beneficial effect on the mind. In fact, people who live in countries where sunshine is an occasional luxury are more prone to depression. The long dark hours in the winter stimulate us to remain indoors more, often alone, and push us to face ourselves.

I find it very interesting that night time is always associated to spooks and crazy events. All that we fear seems to lurk in the darkness – facing ourselves can also lead us to unexpected, scary realizations we would sometimes prefer to avoid.

Getting out in the sunshine is a break from our inner introspections. It allows us to catch our breath before diving in again the next winter, and gives us the chance to grow stronger as we gradually dig a little deeper. Very few beings can survive away from the light, as its essence melts down the ice of our fears, and improves our focus.

Assuming that our physical world is but a reflection of our inner world, we can easily determine the importance spiritual light has on our reality. If a plant is given enough water but not enough light it will quickly wither, as although it has the physical nourishment it needs, it’s not able to convert it into what it needs to sustain itself. Similarly, we can have all we need to physically survive, but if light is missing from our world, we are unable to adequately process the blessings around us.

As the light of the sun, spiritual light is an endless source of rebirth. It can spread out in all directions and never go to waste. When we choose to share our light with others, we can do so regardless of who they are. If they are ready to use it at that point of their life, it will trickle toward them and soak in. If, instead, they are not ready to accept it at that time, it will bounce off and affect someone else around them.

Everything has an antidote – everything can be neutralized by its opposite. We can’t fight fire with fire, or hatred with more hatred; we can’t stop the properties of an acid but with a base; we can’t stop hunger until we are ready to offer nourishment.
The light of unconditional love is a blade able to slice through the barrier of darkness. It’s a flame of peace and acceptance that will chase away the monsters that lurk deep within.

Right to Privacy or Self-Isolation?

“It means a great deal to those who are oppressed to know that they are not alone. And never let anyone tell you that what you are doing is insignificant” -Bishop Desmond Tutu


While I was growing up, people related to one another differently than they do today. Everybody knew everybody. As annoying as it was that your neighbor knew whom you were going out on a date with before you did, the closeness served a purpose: We all felt like we were part of a big family.

Then I grew up; I moved away, and times changed. In eleven years living in my first house, I probably met six neighbors; in my new house about eight. In fact, more than meeting them, I can honestly say we have passed one another while walking our pets or children and smiled cordially. No warmth there, aside from a pasted smile after a long day at work and a standard, automated greeting.

People of our generation have become isolated. They meet on predetermined social occasions, and maybe even talk on the phone often, but the camaraderie of having a “Rhoda” busting through our unlocked door is something that’s only preserved on “The Mary Tyler Moore” show.

Regardless of race, religious beliefs, political affiliations and other societal boundaries, we are all human beings and all are on the same boat sharing a journey. Larger cities with a high density of population such as New York or LA are even worse - millions of people live there, but many of them keep a constant shield in front of their hearts, afraid to meet or talk to a stranger.

We hide and isolate ourselves to be safe, to have space, to protect our rights to privacy; yet all that we are doing is creating widespread loneliness. Human beings have an innate need to connect to one another – whenever we go in the opposite direction, honoring fear, doubt and unfounded judgment, we do not do ourselves any favors. If we could take down the shield and show who we truly are – exposing the core of our weaknesses and strengths – we would be surprised at just how many people share our same feelings. Once the connection is made, everyone feels better simply by knowing they are not alone – someone understands what they are going through.

Why can’t we connect the same way with everyone we meet? Do we need to walk up a mountain to know the path is steep? In order to expect others to open up to us and be willing to connect, we have to start with ourselves.

We are all unique and important in our own individual ways, yet we are all fruits of the same tree – there is no reason for us to fall so far apart.

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who's The Smartest One of All?

“True knowledge exists in knowing that you know nothing. And in knowing that you know nothing, that makes you the smartest of all.” ~ Socrates


When I was a young girl, I wanted to know everything. For one thing I was a bookworm, and I suppose the only thing that saved me from being the perfect incarnation of the typical nerd is the fact that I had no need for glasses.

I loved to learn about everything, and every time I heard of people who held several degrees I looked up to them as if they held the map to the Holy Grail. I wanted to be like them – I wanted to speak foreign languages and learn about different cultures, and even learn about weird chemical reactions that most people found boring. Above all, I think that what fascinated me most was the human mind. Every time I had the chance to run across someone suffering from a psychological ailment or another, I read all I could find about the condition – the more I read, the more I wanted to know.

I was just as absorbed by spirituality, and entertained many a discussions with our family priest, Don Battaglini, the man who probably taught me the most important lesson of all. “Learn with your heart” he told me one day, “not with your mind. If you want to know people, observe them, don’t read about them”.

He went on to explain that many people spend their lives learning facts to strengthen their weak beliefs. Without rational explanations, or something written in black ink on white paper, they feel lost and vulnerable. Truth is that we all know what is right in our hearts.

When we feel we know everything, we indeed know nothing. The part of us that feels fulfilled by sheer human knowledge is limited in its perception and can only function within the boundaries of human nature. We fill our heads with empty facts to fill the voids in our hearts.

True knowledge, of ourselves and others, comes to us when we still our minds and realize we know very little. We feel the need to qualify and quantify everything, even that which cannot be catalogued.

Through our limited, flawed perception we assume that someone that knows a lot is smarter than the next guy, and yet we forget that our world is full of educated fools.

The Dog and The Old Man

“The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” ~ George Elliot


I would like to share a story that my mother-in-law sent me today. The story is told by a young lady whose father struggles with personal anger after he can no longer work as a lumberjack because of health issues. After suffering a heart attack, he is invited to live with his daughter and her husband, but as days go by, tension begins to rise. The father is resentful of his declining health and lashes out at everyone.

The young woman prays for a resolution, but for months God is silent. Finally, she decides to call several clinics hoping to find some advice. During one of those calls, a friendly lady tells her about an article she has read about people with the same symptoms greatly benefiting from caring for a pet.

She drives to the local shelter to look for a dog, but none seem right for her father. Then, she spots a pointer in the last pen. Years have etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray; his hipbones jut out in lopsided triangles, but his eyes are calm and clear. She asks the attendant about the dog and is told that he just showed up near the shelter two weeks before.

When she gets home, she shows her father the dog she got for him, but he replies angrily that he doesn’t want a pet, and definitely not one so old and frail. Tension rises, and father and daughter face each other down as if preparing to duel. Just then, the dog walks up to the old man, sits in front of him, and raises his paw to touch the man’s leg. Time stands still. The old man continues to look at the dog who just sits there calmly, his paw still raised. He finally kneels down and takes the dog’s paw in his hand. From that day on they are inseparable. Within the course of a few months, all the anger, frustration and tension wash away, as the old man and his dog become more closely connected.

One night, the dog walks into the young lady’s room, whimpering. Considering the fact quite strange, she rushes to her father’s room. She finds him in his bed, his face peacefully relaxed and at ease in his final sleep. The dog raises his paw and touches him for one last time.

It’s not until the dog has passed away - and she reminisces about her father’s last few months - that the young lady realizes something important. She had prayed for her father to find peace, and had thought her prayers had gone unanswered. Yet they hadn’t. The girl on the phone and the dog were angels she hadn’t recognized. At the time, everything had seemed coincidental but none of it was – the woman, the article, and the dog that had mysteriously appeared at the shelter out of nowhere.

Prayers often seem to go unanswered because they don’t manifest as we imagined. We expect a result which will pacify our wants, because we are not aware of our true needs. Sometimes the path to our greater good is an uncharted one, yet if we follow it with faith it will lead us where we need to go.

The King and The Pawn

“At the end of the game, the King and the Pawn always go back in the same box.” ~Author unknown


I rarely run into people who shamelessly flaunt their status. Yesterday was one of those rare occasions. I had gone to the grocery store and ran into an old friend I hadn’t seen in quite a while. She introduced me to her new boyfriend, and we decided to go have a cup of coffee after shopping, just to catch up a little.

We had barely sat down, when the boyfriend – we will call him Alan – expressed his disbelief that someone coming from Italy would not be wearing clothes from an Italian designer. After all, he said, Italy is one of the fashion capitals of the world, and he thought all Italians only wore Armani and Gucci.

I took a sip of my coffee as I studied him for a minute – now that he had directed my attention to his lack of depth, I noticed that what he wore was probably worth half my wardrobe.

Since I wasn’t about to justify the fact that I don’t dress up for a trip at the grocery store on a rainy day, I simply responded that I have better things to do with my money than spend hundred of dollars in something I consider useless. To which he replied: “What could be more important than your own image?”

He spent the rest of the time bragging about all his bikes, cars and boat, which he only uses once a year but couldn’t imagine not having. He was so eager to tell me about all his possessions that I began to wonder what was missing in his life.

When he left to go use the restroom, my friend apologized for his behavior, and informed me that his family had always written him off as the black sheep. Since his father often told him he would not amount to anything in life, Alan had consciously strived to prove him wrong. Subconsciously, he had tried to get his father to love him.

Suddenly, I felt a wave of compassion for him – a wounded little boy who had grown to believe he could be accepted only if he had the nicest toys.

By the time he came back, I had almost finished my coffee, and had to get home. I exchanged phone numbers with my friend and I said my goodbyes. Before leaving I hugged them both, and said a small blessing for the boyfriend. I wished for him to see that his belongings could not bring him the love he sought, and that no matter how high he got on the ladder of life, he could not take his material achievements with him when he will leave this world.

I watched him as I walked away - A desperate man glowing in his illusion of wealth; a Pawn in King’s attire who hoped to win the game.

The Tree House

“In order to reach your goals, you will have to climb a long way and be frightened. But take it a step at a time”


Those were the words a kind uncle uttered one day, as his young niece expressed her fear of climbing the ladder leading to the tree house he had built. Their home was a two-story Victorian with a steep pitched roof - the tree house was in an old oak tree, and it was higher than the roof top of the Victorian house. To the little girl who stood at the bottom of the tree, the tree house seemed to float above the clouds, and she was apprehensive about going up. Despite her fears, her uncle gently nudged her to start climbing.

Many years later, as she worked her way through college, and struggled to juggle jobs and school work, the girl always remembered that day, and thoughts of the tree house propelled her forward toward achieving greater heights.
Even if the heights we are attempting to reach are not unthinkable ones, it is quite common to be frightened when we contemplate our goals. Just like the tree house, our dreams seem exceedingly distant and it is easy to forget that each step gets us closer to destination.

We may not see the results right away, and that’s usually discouraging. Once a goal is set, faith must carry us the rest of the way. We can’t look down, or else we will fall. We can only go forward, one step at a time, knowing that we WILL get to the tree house if we keep up our efforts.

Growing up, I had a friend who had weight problems. Periodically, she would get motivated to try a new diet, but after following it for a week or two, she would give up. When I asked why she didn’t stick with the regimen, she always replied that she wasn’t losing any weight anyway. In reality, it was not true. Even after a week, one could tell that something was slightly changing, but it would have taken several weeks to see noticeable results. The change was not dramatic enough to keep her committed to her goal.

A few years ago, I ran into her while visiting my parents, and saw that she had lost an amazing amount of weight. When I asked her what had finally worked, she said: “I just decided to stick with the diet, regardless of the immediate lack of reward.” Although she could not see tangible results, she had decided to have faith and continue – the pounds began to melt off, and a new woman, smiling and confident, was born.

Fear of failure is probably the greatest deterrent of going far. We are afraid of not making it, so we don’t even try. Once that fear is conquered, and faith takes over, the worst is done.

The little girl of the story had a special place in the heart for the uncle that encouraged her to climb the tree house and she will always know that when she is scared of anything, she can think of that beautiful, sunny day. I am certain her uncle, who recently passed away, is smiling down at her from the top of the tree house, proud of all she has conquered. In fact, I think he is doing that right now.