What Kind of People Live in Your City? (How Past Perceptions Affect Future Encounters)

An old man sat outside the walls of a great city. When travelers approached, they would ask the old man, "What kind of people live in this city?" The old man would answer, "What kind of people live in the place where you came from?" If the travelers answered, "Only bad people live in the place where we came from," the old man would reply, "Continue on; you will find only bad people here."

But if the travelers answered, "Good people live in the place where we came from," then the old man would say, "Enter, for here too, you will find only good people." ~Author unknown


I’ve always been fascinated by the patterns unfolding in people’s lives. Although most encounters appear accidental, the unique individuals we attract into our world are often the catalysts of a change, or are able to facilitate a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Our acceptance of the world is largely molded upon our initial caretakers. If, as children, we perceive the people we build bonds with as “good” people, we are more likely to develop satisfactory bonds with others as we move on through life. Since we are “trained” to see the good in others from early on, we tend to focus on the positive side of whoever we meet, and are able to break through their defensive barriers to find their core light.

If, on the contrary, what we have been exposed to is negative, we tend to subconsciously replay those relationships with new people in the hope of understanding what went wrong. The new encounters are just a new spin on an old tale.

It is important to understand that what we perceive as positive or negative in someone might not necessarily reflect reality, but rather it might be the mirrored reflection of a past hurt, or a flashing sign indicating what needs healing within our inner selves.

When we feel the need to lash out at someone, it might be beneficial to stop and wonder why their behavior is upsetting us so much; is this person reflecting a part of our shadow-self we don’t want to face, or even better, is this person triggering an old memory of past hurts?

There is a reason why certain people are crossing our path at this time. Their presence in our world – and the awareness they might be a catalyst for – could easily be a blessing in disguise.

Discipline - The Building Block of a Functional Society (repost)

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.” ~ Jim Rohn

The main goal of discipline is to teach children self-control and remind them that there are natural consequences to their actions: by repeatedly associating an unpleasant consequence to an unwanted behavior, children are able to learn the difference between what is acceptable and what is not.

In generations past, the rearing of children was much stricter if compared to the standards our society lives by today, but most of those children grew into responsible and creative adults.

Today, in an era of psychological expertise aimed at telling parents how they should raise their children, parents don’t know how to act any more. A new school of thought teaches that parents should praise their children for good behavior and not discipline them; because all children thrive on praise and acceptance – we are told - if rewarded for the good actions, they will try to repeat those behaviors to earn even more positive attention.

Yet, our youth are not thriving. Juvenile crime rates are rising at frightening speed, and our children are caught in a spiral of self-destruction.

As parents are losing their grip on the ability to keep things under control, and feel that society is promoting a new generation of weeping, uncontrolled criminals, new fundamentalist groups are sprouting like poisonous mushrooms on a field. Michael Pearl, the minister who advises parents to beat their children with plastic plumbing supply line, is only one of the radical advocates of parental rights who, sadly, appeal to the weary and frightened parents who no longer know where to turn.

So, parents ask, is there a right way to raise happy children who will become well adjusted, productive adults?

One of the main things to remember is that our children are being raised in a world dominated by societal and peer pressure, and parental skills are compared to those exhibited by theatrical parents on TV sitcoms. Those forever smiling television parents - always available and never losing their cool - are fictional, and it is unfair to use them as a scale to measure real life parents who are weighed down by financial burdens and tighter schedules.

Also, the demands on children are doubling with each passing day, as they are expected to behave like pint-size adults in a society which no longer allows children to be children.

If a child is rambunctious, he or she is quickly diagnosed as having ADD or ADHD, and is medicated to numb the excess energy which no longer has an outlet through creative play and physical activity. In times past, children were able to go outside and play from sunrise to sunset, and were therefore allowed to use the endless supply of energy they are naturally equipped with. In today’s world, children are increasingly kept inside and forced to channel their energy into indoor entertainment, often with the result of living their childhood through the virtual adventures of video games characters.

That said, it is important to understand that discipline is just as important today as it was yesterday, and children need limits and boundaries that will control their natural tendency to go overboard.

There has to be a balance of praise and moderate discipline, so that the child will feel loved, accepted and appreciated, but will also understand what areas of behavior need improvement.

As parents, we have the responsibility of maintaining the reins of this balance, if we ever hope to set the building blocks of a functional society.

A Tiny Clue

“Usually there’s some kind of clue, whether it’s a rhythmic foundation or very abstract – just an emotional kind of landscape – and then you just kind of start someplace.” ~ David Sanborn


Yesterday it was my daughter’s birthday. For some time she had been wishing for a particular doll she had been seeing on TV commercials, but by the time the birthday date approached, she also asked for other things I thought she would enjoy more, so I doubted the doll was in the cards.

Two days ago, a nearby church was holding a large charity yard sale, so Morgan and I went, early in the morning. Since the sale was indoors and we knew most of the people there, I allowed her to walk around the tables alone carrying a small bag of money she had earned attending to small chores, while I looked through books. A short while later we went to pay for our purchases. I didn’t pay much attention to what she had picked up, and waited until the lady at the cash box gave Morgan her change before turning toward me to collect the things I was going to buy.

After we got home, Morgan pulled her treasures from the plastic bag – a purple, fuzzy handbag, a princess nightgown, and a small book. I looked at the book and saw that it was a small inspirational book entitled “Waiting for Baby”. I asked her why she had picked up such a book instead than one of the many children’s titles, and she replied that she didn’t know – she just liked the rabbit picture in the front. That same night, we read a little of the book at bedtime. It was indeed a delightful book about the joy a mother feels as she gets ready to welcome her long-awaited baby.

Yesterday morning she woke up early, ready to start celebrations. Knowing that within a few hours she would be celebrating with all her friends filled her with delight, and pumped quick silver into her veins. We ate breakfast and called everyone down so that she could open some of her gifts before we went to the party. Just looking at the pretty festive paper made her giggle, and she could hardly contain her excitement. She loved the gifts – an interactive cat her brothers bought for her, Play-dough toys and a DVD-player for her TV - but nothing prepared her for her next surprise, a beautiful pink box my parents sent to her from Italy.

She opened the bow and giggled as she ripped through the beautiful paper, until time stood still, and the doll of her dreams was only a few inches away from her stunned little face. She looked at the doll, then at me, and then, as if someone suddenly lit fireworks behind her eyes, she burst into a scream of uncontainable delight. She ran to the window and blew kisses into the sky to my parents, as if the wind could carry her love to them. Then, she came back to the table, picked up her baby, and ran to her room to find the book she had bought the day before. “See, Mom,” she said, “I really was waiting for a baby. She came today.”

We are often given clues of what’s to come. The trick is to pay attention and try to understand them as we journey along.

Waiting for the Messenger

“Every burden is a blessing” ~ Walt Kelly


Last Friday, my day started on the wrong foot. Besides being late leaving the house and having to go back twice to retrieve items I had forgotten, I realized that my car was making a strange sound while on the way to take my daughter to school; despite the fact that I had a lot of errands to run and not enough time to get everything accomplished before having to go back to pick my daughter up, I decided to go by my husband’s station to get the car checked out.

After the car was fixed – and I was already running an hour behind schedule – my husband asked me to stay until he worked out details of a transaction he was having trouble with from the day before; once that was taken care of, my phone rang and I ended up being delayed for another fifteen minutes.

I finally walked outside, ready to get in my car, when I passed by my husband talking to a customer. He introduced me to the lady and I realized then that we had briefly met before, so I stayed and talked to her for a minute.

It was quite amazing how many things we had in common, but what made that encounter so particularly precious was the fact that during the conversation I indirectly got the answer to a problem that had weighed on my mind for a couple of days. It was almost as if Universe had coaxed my off-schedule visit to the station and my delayed departure, just to make me run into this lady.

By the time I left, I only had little over an hour to run all my errands, but everything worked so smoothly that I got everything accomplished - and even had fifteen minutes left to grab some lunch - before picking my daughter up.

Very often, when things happen, it’s easy to get frustrated because we can’t see the full picture. We see the obstacles, and remember the struggles, but rarely do we stop and think about the blessings we might have missed if those blocks weren’t there to slow us down.

A day which appeared to be cumbersome and non-productive in the beginning, turned out to be a very positive one, and allowed me to see that sometimes obstacles must be embraced, for they might be markers leading us where we must go.

I put a question out to the Universe and expected an answer. I was obliged, but not before learning a lesson or two.

Last night I was busy until very late and didn't get the chance to write anything new, so I found a beautiful video that is definitely worth watching:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5__nya2ICJk&feature=related

Grab a cup of coffee and settle in to watch for a couple of minutes; it will gently nudge you to go out the door to embrace the day ahead. Don't forget to turn the sound on, if you can.

A Dollar A Day

“This is the beginning of a New Day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or grow in its light and be of service to others. But what I do with this day is important because I have exchanged a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. I hope I will not regret the price I paid for it.” ~ Anonymous

Let’s imagine that at the beginning of our lives someone gave us a limited amount of money – a dollar bill for each day we are alive - and told us that we can use the sum we are given to buy joy, pain, anger or peace. Our purchase cannot be returned, and whatever we buy with it we have to keep. We know that if our money is invested properly it might earn us a few extra bucks, while if it is spent unwisely, our account will dry up prematurely due to the penalties we have to pay. With that type of awareness, how would you spend your daily dollar?

Research has repeatedly shown that people who live a simple and peaceful life have longer life spans, especially if they sweeten the deal with faith and service to others. Each time we smile to a stranger, indulge in an act of random kindness, or accept the rocks that life throws as an opportunity to learn how to catch and stay in shape, we have used our daily dollar wisely.

If, on the contrary, we invest our energy in a fight against life, and allow anger, greed and fear to absorb our time and minds, we have merely taken our daily dollar and left it outside to be swept away by the wind. No matter how upset we get once we realize our mistake, the dollar is gone. So, should we put the rest of our money down on the same table, and leave it to be swept away as well while we run around madly searching for the first bill? By doing so, all our money will soon be gone and no amount of regret or foot-stomping will bring it back.

The first dollars were taken away by a combination of an unmerciful wind and personal naiveté, but choosing to put the rest of our livelihood out to be dispersed by the same currents is self-destructive and irresponsible at best. Rather than wasting more dollars trying to rectify mistakes of the past, it would be best if we focused on not making the same mistakes again in the future.

Go out today, and use your daily dollar wisely. By the time the setting sun pulls a curtain on this day, you should feel that what you bought is worth the price you paid for it.

Money doesn’t grow on trees…life doesn’t either.

Never Again - How the Fear of Yesterday Can Kill the Opportunities of Tomorrow

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

A few days ago, I met with a friend I hadn’t seen in years. She called me out of the blue the previous week and we decided to get together for lunch. It was great to see her, and I was eager to hear all that had been going on in her life since I had seen her last.

Her story did not take long to be told – she divorced four years ago and has been living the life of a recluse from the time her husband walked out of her life until now, only finding solace in her work and company in her two cats. When I asked her if she is planning on going out again with someone new, she looked at me as if I had lost my mind. “Why?” she said, “to be hurt like that again? I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life. At least I know I won’t walk out on myself.”

Well, it seemed to me that she had already walked out on herself. Her self-imposed isolation and fear had created such a wall around her that she could no longer even find herself. Her eyes, which used to sparkle with joy over the smallest things, were now dull and lifeless, and the enthusiasm for life I remembered her exuding, evaporated and escaped when her husband opened the door to leave – all that was left of her was a mechanical ghost of the woman she used to be.

In all fairness to her, the story of what happened in the final months leading to her divorce is quite atrocious, and her husband really did treat her wrong, but by saying good-bye to any future expectation to love again she gave him more power over her life than he ever deserved to have. He started the emotional abuse, and she picked it up where he left off. In her mind, if one man had hurt her, all men were going to do the same, if given the opportunity.

When something particularly traumatizing happens, memories remain attached to the emotional charge built during the traumatic events. Another friend, for example, was molested as a child by a man with a moustache; even if she had dealt with most of the emotions connected to the abuse, she still found men with facial hair repulsive. Similarly, the friend I had lunch with had created a mental link between emotional pain and relationships in general, thus willingly writing off any potential future connection.

In reality, each person we encounter is a unique design, and regardless of how much they might remind us of someone else we have met in the past, they are not those people. Running into a few bad apples can happen to everybody, but believing that all apples are rotten will only lead us to one unhappy certainty – never again will we taste a delightful apple pie.

Just like apples, rotten people are out there walking in our midst, but their percentage is small when compared to the amount of good people we can potentially run into, and gets washed by the good nature of the majority. No one said life is supposed to always be fair, but in the end it’s always worthy to be lived.

In Plain Sight

“We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.” ~ Author unknown


Early mornings at my house are easily the craziest moments of each day. With two boys - already groggy and irritable from getting up before dawn - having to get ready and out of the door before six-thirty, my house is, in the best of days, the proverbial zoo. Books are stuffed in school bags at the last minute, coats become invisible, and at least one of four shoes is always seemingly stolen by a hungry troll in the middle of the night.


Yesterday morning was one of those mornings. No matter how many sermons I preach the night before, rare is the day when everything is in place and ready to go. At six twenty-five, less than five minutes before the bus was ready to show up at the bus stop, my younger son announced that the shoe troll had visited again. The mad search against time began, and we spent the next few minutes running from room to room, our eyes robotically scanning all floor surfaces for a pair of white sneakers.


The kids searched downstairs and I covered the two floors upstairs, all the while tuning everything else out that wasn’t white or shaped like a shoe. By the time the two boys made it up the stairs to the third floor, I was fuming and darting my eyes from one end to the other of the floor like a mad woman. The moment Michael popped his head into the door, I turned my head and spat out that his shoes weren’t upstairs, venom dripping from the fangs I was about to sink into his not-so-innocent head.


Michael looked at me with big blue eyes, and as he passed me on the stairs he said: “Sure they are mom, they are right there.” I followed him up, and there they were – two big white sneakers sitting in perfect view on a shelf in the bonus room. How had I missed those big old white boats in the middle of an otherwise bold-colored room?


After the boys left and I was able to sit down with a cup of coffee, I thought back about the shoes. They were right in front of me, but I was so blinded by my own irritation and panic at the thought of not finding them on time, that I simply couldn’t see them.


Quite often, what we need is within reach, yet we fail to spot it because rather than focusing on the solution we focus on the problem. In this case, my energy was directed toward barking at the kids for not being organized, and by not seeing the shoes I validated my own irritation. Had I taken a deep breath and looked at the room in its entirety, I wouldn’t have missed them, but instead, I allowed my own perception of where shoes should normally be to dictate the scope of my search. The fact that I could use the repeat offense to make a point was definitely an added bonus.


If we could detach from the problem for just a moment, instead than clinging to it to validate or prove a point, we could fine tune our focus and direct it toward a possible solution.



There is no reason why we should look for hard ways to fix something simple.

A Ready Response

“Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out.” ~ Michael Burke


One of my favorite places to go to is my friend Pam’s house. Her home is always peaceful and cheerful, and we had the best time yesterday, catching up with old friends, baking and learning new things. One of the ladies there gave us all henna tattoos, and another taught us different Buddhist chants and instructed us on the different type of vibrations each raised.

One of the chants, Om Ah Hum, is a traditional chant used by Buddhists to bless food and change its energy to purify body, mind and spirit. To test this chant, we baked one loaf of “blessed” pumpkin bread, and one “unblessed” loaf. Only the person who cut them knew which plate contained the blessed bread. The goal was to try both to see if we could somehow detect which of the loaves was the one chanted over. We all ate a piece of each and wrote down our impression on a piece of paper; once everyone was finished, and each had explained the reason for choosing one bread or the other as the blessed one, the truth was revealed.

When the two plates were first laid on the table, I grabbed a piece from the green plate without thinking. I tasted it, mentally recorded every sensation, and had a drink before I tasted a piece from the blue plate. I bit into it and repeated the pattern – I analyzed the flavor, the texture, and the way I felt while eating it. My “verdict’ was in: after careful analysis and intense pondering, I felt pretty positive the blessed bread was the one in the blue plate.

And I was wrong; the blessed bread was the loaf in the green plate. I had spent so much valuable time analyzing every crumb and looking for facts that would satisfy my rational mind, that I missed the most important clue: my instinctual grabbing from the green plate first. I had set down with the goal of finding the blessed bread, and my instinct led me straight to the right plate. Had I paid attention to that, rather than trying to figure out the problem through the filter of human senses, the answer would have been clear to me from the start.

Too often we ignore our instincts. We assume that everything has to check against a verifiable scale, and by doing so we cloud our judgment. I cannot count the times in my life – especially when I was much younger – when I would get an instant sensation about something or someone and didn’t listen to it. Each of those times, I fooled myself into believing that the first response was wrong, and I deeply regretted doing so later on. Ten times out of ten, the first sensation was right, and if I had listened to it, I would have saved myself a lot of grief.

Our inner guide is ever alert and ready to guide us, if we can override our arrogance and trust its wisdom. As Amos B. Alcott, an early 1800s American philosopher, once said, “he who speaks to the instinct speaks to the deepest in mankind and finds the readiest response.”

The Value of Hardship

“It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.” ~ Greek Proverb


As I sat down to dinner, last night, my mouth watered the moment I laid eyes on the small feast set in front of me – spicy pork tenderloin with vegetables and a side of roasted potatoes, followed by a generous bowl of strawberries and freshly whipped cream. Having been extremely busy most of the day, food had been the last priority on my list, and by the time I finally sat down I was famished.

The moment I took the first bite, I almost shivered from the incredible sense of pleasure that cursed through my body. I ate the first few forkfuls with ravenous enthusiasm, deeply appreciating the full, bodacious flavors coming together in a perfect culinary marriage.

By the time I consumed the main course, most of the appreciation was gone with the hunger; when I finally finished my bowl of strawberries and cream, I was so full I couldn’t even entertain the thought of another bite. The feeling of hunger I had experienced prior to dinner was uncomfortable and making me feel edgy, yet it was the powerful force which triggered the heightened pleasure I felt when I got the opportunity to taste my meal.

Discomfort and lack, although undesirable, allow us the chance to appreciate comfort and abundance. I remember thinking about this concept a year ago, when I suffered from a pinched nerve in my neck. I could not turn my head, and every movement caused excruciating pain. I would have given anything in that moment to feel better; yet, when I am normally free of pain, that sense of wellbeing is taken for granted.

As humans we take everything for granted – our ability to move, to communicate, of being free from pain, hunger and oppression; quite often, we take love and life for granted.

Life storms give us the opportunity to appreciate the sunny days. When the sun shines for too long we become bored with it and no longer appreciate its warmth, but after a week of constant rain, nothing feels better than a bright blue sky.

While I cleaned the kitchen after dinner, I suddenly felt elated and grateful, not just for my blessings, but also for my woes, for if I never experienced hardship I would also never experience the deep pleasure that comes when good things finally manifest.

Can Anyone Out There please Teach Me How to Walk on Water?

…Maybe then I might have a chance to banish the demon commonly known as DMV.


As some know from a previous rant, about a year ago I had some items taken from my house from someone I considered a good friend at the time. It wasn’t until about six weeks ago that I found out some rather important documents were missing, and it is possible that they were taken as well. One of those documents happens to be my permanent resident’s card.


I filed a police report and followed the channels; I applied for a replacement of my card, along with filing to replace other documents that were missing.


Meanwhile, my driver’s license was coming close to the date when it needed to be renewed, so I contacted DMV and explained what happened. I was assured that since I held a valid NC driver’s license, I did not need any further documentation. Upon visiting the local driver license office, I indeed found out they needed my card. I went home and got in touch with the USCIS to find out what I should do. They told me that an official form I-797 was on route to my house, and it could be used as proof of residence. Again, that was not enough for the DMV.


So, armed with good will to resolve all this in a timely manner, I personally went to the Durham office of the USCIS and explained my situation to the officer who, the moment I mentioned the infamous word DMV, became very sympathetic and called her supervisor. The supervisor looked at the police report, at my application for replacement, and the data in his computer, and decided to issue a temporary card WITH THE SAME INFORMATION AS THE OTHER CARD which I can use as proof of residence while I wait for the replacement card to be processed.


Very happy with the help I received, I went home and called DMV. I told them about the replacement and asked if I needed anything further to go in and renew my license. In no uncertain terms, they said that I can go in tomorrow and show them the new “evidence”, but that most likely they won’t be able to renew my license because they need the actual card, which in the best case scenario, I won’t receive for several months.


Never mind the fact that I can show these people twenty years worth of tax returns, bills paid and a perfect driving record, along with lots of other supporting information.


If they don’t budge tomorrow, I guess I will call the state attorney general and the commissioner. After that, I will appeal to higher offices, until something is done. I have held a driver’s license for twenty years with no incidents of any nature and I refuse to be grounded for months without a good reason.



They wanted proof? They have it. The only thing I failed to provide for them is a certification of my ability to walk on water. Can anyone teach me how?

The Final Chance

Many years ago, when I first moved to the States, I met a woman with two young sons who lived in the apartment next to mine. We soon became friends, and when she was home from work we often got together for coffee, and chatted about different things. One day, she told me a story that remained with me throughout the years.

She and her husband had gotten into an argument, and they had gone to bed angry at each other. The next morning, she heard his alarm clock, but pretended to be asleep – she was still angry and refused to speak to him before he left. The husband went to work – he was a truck driver – and she slowly got up, and got ready to leave the house to go to her own job.

He called her a couple of hours later, tried to make small talk, and told her he loved her, but since she was still angry, she coldly told him she was busy and quickly hung up the phone. The phone rang again, and assuming it was still her husband, she chose not to answer. After a few rings, the line went silent.

That night she stopped by the grocery store on her way home, and lingered a while before going to pick up her two children from her sister’s house – she wasn’t ready to argue again, but was still steamed enough from the previous night to feel edgy at the thought of seeing her husband. It was a cold, rainy night in January, and she knew the children were hungry and tired, so she reluctantly drove home.

When she pulled into her driveway she was surprised to see the house completely dark, but it was even stranger that her husband’s truck wasn’t in the driveway. He was a creature of habit, and he was home by five every day. She and the children walked in and she started the usual routines. While she cooked, she replayed in her mind the argument she and her husband had the night before; by then, time had defused a bit of her anger and she felt calmer. She figured they would make up and forget once he got home.

When the doorbell rang, she opened the door and was ready to say she was sorry, but her words froze in her mouth as she laid eyes on the two police officers standing in front of her. They informed her that her husband had been in an accident. A car had skidded off the road and had headed directly toward his truck; to avoid the car he had turned sharply and had lost control of his vehicle, dying on impact.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Just as much as we don’t need to live in fear, we also don’t need to take everything for granted. Please watch this beautiful video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fx87cAE20oM , and see how important it is to acknowledge and forgive others, even if our differences seem insurmountable.

A bruised ego can cause some discomfort. Regret certainly causes more.

Only a Matter of Time

“Nothing valuable can be lost by taking time.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

Most spiritual scholars agree that time is only a human invention devised to organize our lives on earth. When I went to research the exact meaning of time, I was quite surprised to see that I couldn’t find a clear answer anywhere.

According to the Encarta Dictionary, time is described by the following definitions:

1- System of distinguishing events: a dimension that enables two identical events occurring at the same point in space to be distinguished, measured by the interval between the events.
2- Period with limits: a limited period during which an action, process, or condition exists or takes place.

Quite often we become distressed by the concept of time, and especially if we are waiting for something important to us, each hour feels like a whole day, and each day like a month. On the contrary, when we are having fun, time seems to move at the speed of light.

When we put a wish or a prayer out into the Universe, we sometimes feel disappointed and disheartened as hours and days flow by without result. Yet, nothing happens without a reason. When we are prompted to wait for something, it could simply be that something else requires our immediate attention. "In terms of our inner lives, no time exists except for what is happening in the present moment," says a Zen Buddhist teacher.

I ran into the following video a few days ago, and thought that it perfectly fit the concept of time needed for a blessing to unfold. Please watch it with an open heart and then see how it applies to your own life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OqOzM8MZl4&feature=related

The blessings of tomorrow will come at their own time. Today, however, is a limited commodity, and the blessings willingly overlooked may never come around again.

Seeing with the Heart - An Approach to Living a Meaningful Life

“The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray.” ~ Oscar Wilde


Several months ago, I expressed to a friend my belief that hatred and misunderstandings arise when people see things through their eyes only, rather than “seeing” with their hearts. The friend replied that people should never see with their hearts because emotions only lead to greater trouble.

When I told her that I agreed with her in part, she appeared confused, and couldn’t seem to reconcile my previous statement of “seeing with the heart”, with my standing on emotions. Indeed, it is quite simple – emotions are not born from the heart. We assume they are, as we are taught that if our feelings are hurt, our heart is broken, but in reality the two are not related. Emotions are born from the ego, the arch-enemy of the heart. A pure heart knows little or no ego, and is able to channel truth; ego, on the other hand, triggers false emotions to appease its bruised twin – pride – and tricks people into believing that their hurt feelings, and the illusion they feed, are coming from the heart.

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, an Indian spiritual leader, once made a statement that really strikes a cord, when it comes to the reason why emotions are often embraced even if their effect on our lives is detrimental. “When sadness comes,” he said, “just sit by the side, and look at it, and say ‘I am the watcher. I am not sadness.’ and see the difference. Immediately you have cut the very root of sadness. It is no more nourished. It will die of starvation. We feed these emotions by being identified with them.”

Identifying with emotions is extremely simple, and whether the emotions are positive or negative, they become a comfort zone it is hard to break away from, since the other side - void of familiar feelings - represents the unknown.

In a very interesting interview, the Dalai Lama said that the first step to enlightenment is to put a rein on emotions by exercising self-discipline. By restraining emotions one does not become dry and unfeeling, but rather has the ability of seeing with increased clarity, without being falsely led by an ego screaming to be acknowledged. “Seeing with the heart” means that one is willing to love without judgment, is ready to forgive and be compassionate, and is open to acceptance of things that would be maddening if seen through the eyes only.

After discussing the difference between emotions and heart guidance, my friend was able to begin healing some painful issues she had dealt with after the break-up of her marriage. She realized that when her husband left, her pride was bruised, and the emotional charge that ensued was the voice of her ego struggling over her loss of control. Several months later, she is doing much better; her anger is gone, and she now enjoys “watching” and discerning different emotions that arise on the average day. Her relationship with her ex-husband has also greatly improved, which is a blessing since they share two children. She sees that their marriage was doomed by mutual incompatibility, and wishes her former spouse well on his new life. She is finally able to “see with her heart.”

Wishing for Others

“I must respect the opinions of others even if I disagree with them.” ~ Herbert Henry Lehman


A few days ago, a friend sent me a note with the following sentence: “I wish for you what you wish for yourself.” I immediately liked it, but it was only after I thought about it for a while that I realized how truly profound those few words are.

Many times, while wishing someone something, or while praying for other people, we tend to customize the wishes we have according to what we believe it is best for them.

In reality, nobody can really know what is right or wrong for someone else. Each person lives a unique life, and is the product of a unique pattern of circumstances. Even if we have seen a similar pattern before in someone else, all it takes is one small difference in the type of personality or in the way the person internalizes information, to dramatically change how certain events will affect this individual’s life compared to others who have walked in those very same shoes before.

When we can accept that each person has a different path to walk, we enable ourselves to love them unconditionally, and to wish them well for their greater good, without making any assumptions. What we believe to be their greater good, might in fact not be good for them at all, and could hinder their growth.

Each person has different things to learn, and by being free to follow the course of action they have mapped for themselves, they are able to fail or succeed – either way, they will assimilate what they must.

It is easy to worry about a friend or a loved one if they are walking down a path we perceive as negative, but it would be more helpful to them if we could just focus on sending them unconditional love and support to accompany them on their journey, rather than charting a new route for them which is only fit for us.

Some people need a detour before they can reach their destination, and their timing might be different than ours, but in the end not one path is necessarily wrong – just different and specifically customized for the individual’s life experience.

We can control what happens in our own lives, to some extent, but laying claim on the destiny and the choices of others – especially when our flow of love is directly proportional to their decisions – hinders the growth of all.

Live your life and love unconditionally. And when the urge of judging the actions and choices of another surges, it’s important to remember that we are only human - limited sight and arrogance can only cloud our better judgment.

A Quarter-Worth

“A system is in equilibrium when the forces constituting it are arranged in such a way as to compensate each other, like the two weights pulling at the arms of a pair of scales.” ~ Rudolf Arnheim


About a year ago, I bought a pair of scales at the flea market, and placed them on the table in my prayer and meditation corner. For a while, each time something unpleasant occurred I would place a small weight on one of the plates, and when something good happened, I’d put a weight on the other one. For small things I would add a penny, for medium events a nickel and for real breakthroughs a quarter.

I continued adding weights each day to see what would happen, and I noticed something quite interesting – the “good” and “bad” weights alternated each other in a fairly regular pattern. If some days I had a sequence of bad penny-worth situations, the next one to come up would be a nickel or quarter worth of their opposite.

I watched that pattern for several days, mesmerized by the random precision of it, and I wondered if this concept applies to natural phenomena as well. I began to observe weather patterns more closely and indeed noticed that in average, nature was also able to balance itself, contrary to what many people believed.

The day before yesterday I had a quarter-worth of annoying situations crossing my path, but just one day later things began to balance again – I woke up yesterday morning to cheerful birthday wishes from many friends, I received wonderful news from my publisher, and when we went out to dinner, the restaurant manager surprised me in two ways – he brought me a slice of cake with a candle – since he heard from my very vocal daughter that it was mom’s birthday - and he only charged us for half the bill. After dinner we walked into a bookstore and I found a great book to read for the next few days.

Needless to say, my scales were by now tipping on the positive side. Will the weight change again tomorrow, or the next day? Maybe so – in fact it probably will, at least for a short while, just to bring the scales back into balance.

One of the most interesting things I have learned from “weighing” events has been that a lack of balance in either direction is not necessarily a good thing. If things go always wrong, one’s spirit gets crushed and numb, but if things go always right, we tend to become too complacent and blind to the circumstances of others, in addition to losing the satisfaction that comes from overcoming obstacles. Sunshine would get pretty boring if an occasional storm didn’t break the monotony.

Obstacles allow us the opportunity to notice the blessings, and at times they are the only mean for us to slow down and appreciate the beauty surrounding us. Even when they are a quarter-worth.

A Frustrating Nothing

“It can’t be Christmas every day”- I cannot count the times I repeated that one little sentence to myself, yesterday, as I tried to make sense of a very irritating day. The day started as a pleasant one, as I indulged in familiar routines and safely delivered all the kids to school. Thirty minutes later, however, the music changed when I headed to the DMV to renew my driver’s license.

I suppose I need to back up a little – after my wallet was stolen from my house, almost a year ago, I looked around to see if anything else was missing, but didn’t think to check documents. During a routine check to ensure that everything was current, just a month or so ago, I realized that they were not there. I turned my house upside down with no luck, so I began to call the respective agencies to find out what I needed to do. I was told to file a police report for lost or stolen items and then file for replacement of the documents. Knowing that my driver’s license was due for renewal in September, I called DMV as soon as I found out that my documents were missing, and I asked if that would create a problem. “Of course not, Ma’am,” they said, “as long as you have your valid license with you, that’s all you need.”

Yesterday I walked into DMV, got my number, waited for about thirty minutes and then I was finally called. The lady at the counter asked me if I was born in the US and I said no; to that, she asked me to show her my residence card, which I couldn’t of course produce. I showed her instead the official document that came with the card and the police report, and she informed me that she couldn’t renew my license because I didn’t have the necessary paperwork. I explained to her what happened, and told her that sometimes it takes up to six months to receive a replacement, and she suggested I should call the USCIS to see how they could help. I did that as soon as I got home. I actually placed three calls – all three of them were answered by agents who barely spoke English and struggled to understand what I was trying to explain. I asked if there was anything they could send me or the DMV and they said they couldn’t because they are not familiar with the requirements of each state. I finally requested an appointment with an officer, which was granted for next week. What took the cake is that one of the documents needed during the meeting is a valid driver’s license.

Last night, I finally sat back and mentally went over all the events of the day. As overwhelming as they had seemed at the moment, my day could have certainly been worse. Someone in my family could have been hurt, or something else irreversible could have happened. All that had truly manifested instead was a choking tangle of bureaucracy, annoying in the least but definitely not life scarring. When things happen, it is easy to become completely sucked into the momentary drama and cloud our perspective. If someone had asked me how my day was at about one in the afternoon, I would have probably given them an evil look, but as I look at it now, after some of the steam has blown out, nothing important has really changed in my life.

So, I decided to just let go of the frustration. I had done all I possibly could. The downside of this is that I will have to ask my husband to drive me around more, until this mess is resolved. And the silver lining, you might ask? I finally have an excuse to take a break from being a taxi mom.

09-09-09 ~ Ancient and Modern Beliefs

“9/9/9 - Cower in its path, only weeks away, no hiding from its wrath. Magic in this number reverts upon itself.” ~ Peter Schlosser (excerpt from his poem “Nine Nine Nine)


Since ancient times, the number nine has been the object of reverence and mystical speculation. Although the meanings associated with it vary slightly from one belief system to the next, the general consensus is that number nine symbolizes completion, finality and judgment.

Within the Bible, the number nine is quite prominent: Nine persons stoned, nine widows, nine people affected with blindness, nine more afflicted with leprosy. Furthermore, it is a factor of 666, which is 9 times 74. The number 999 is a mirrored image of 666, the number associated to the beast, thus representing the powers above and the divine judgment after the earthly illusion. The gematria of the word "Dan," which means a judge, is 54 (9x6). "" (tee orgee mou), my wrath = 999 (Hebrews 3:11). The solemn  (ameen), amen, or "verily," of our Lord, amounts also to 99, summing up and ending His words.

As one ponders on the meaning of ‘as above so below’, something else strikes the mind: if we add the digits of the diameter of the earth, moon and sun, they each add to 9. The sun - 864,000: 8+6+4+0+0+0=18=1+8=9. The moon - 2,160: 2+1+6=9. The earth - 7,920: 7+9+2+0=18=1+8=9.

Historically, ancient Chinese emperors associated themselves closely with the number nine, which appeared in architecture and royal attire, often in the form of nine dragons. The imperial dynasties were so convinced of the power of the number nine that the palace complex at Beijing's Forbidden City is rumored to have 9,999 rooms.

It is also quite interesting that on modern business recordings the number nine is used to end calls, and that September 9, 2009 is the 252nd day of the year (2+5+2=9), and even more mind boggling is the fact that no matter what number 9 is multiplied by, if one adds the digits of the result, the final number obtained by the addition is always 9.

Being raised in an eclectic spiritual home, the number 9 has always had great significance for me, as it represents the end of human judgment and the advent of divine law. A new beginning naturally follows the completion of a cycle, and it is meaningful that in Latin-derived languages, the words ‘nine and ‘new’ are extremely similar.

A date predominantly dominated by the number nine indicates a time when one can let go and let God; a time of renewal and hope; a moment to put unresolved issues to rest and finally reach closure. As the ninth day of the ninth month of the ninth year, today is the perfect opportunity to release unneeded baggage. And when our hands will finally be free from the weight we carry, maybe it will be easier to reach out to our fellow humans and lay a lasting foundation for new beginnings ahead.

Brushing Destinies

“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.” ~ Mother Teresa


A couple of days ago I received an e-mail from a friend who’s been going through the proverbial pouring of misfortunes lately. Within the last eighteen months she has dealt with the loss of her father and grandmother, the relocation of her elderly mother, health issues, and other assorted problems waiting around the bend almost on a daily basis. The latest blows include her phone and car dying the same day. With her permission, I’m including here part of the e-mail she sent me.

“I spent most of the day yesterday being stranded. Again. Something (seemingly) totally different with the vehicle happened yesterday. A hose is actually MISSING. Blew off from the radiator fluid thingie. Smoke everywhere...scared me and my daughter to death. Had to coordinate 100 things from a cell phone that is still working when it chooses to.

But it was a wonderful teachable moment that makes me actually grateful it happened. Right after T. and I pulled into Office Depot (first place to get off the road), a couple and young son (10 to 12, I'd say) came over right away to see if they could help. He looked under the hood and showed me what was happening. The son was very sweet, too.

They had just been evicted from their home and were to be homeless in two days. It's a long story, one which will stay with T. forever in a wonderful way (talk about putting things into perspective), but suffice it to say that the car broke down there for a reason. I hope I was able to help them as well in the small way I could; I know my gestures were as appreciated as their gestures of kindness to us.

The simple fact that - knowing the struggle they were enduring in that moment - he came over to offer assurance in some way was worth a million dollars. We're all just people doing the best we can, not judging others along the way and doing the best we can to help when we can, however small it may seem. Little gestures mean the absolute world.”

After reading my friend’s message, I thought of all the “accidental” encounters I’ve had with people who struggled along their own path, but whose presence in my life at that moment was exactly what I needed. Some taught me patience; others taught me tenacity; some others were just there to teach me compassion or to give me a flash of hope.

Some of the people we cross paths with, we may never see again; yet, just that brief moment together was worth all the wealth in the world. One word, one smile, a fleeting touch can turn someone’s day into the right direction. No action is ever too small.

All I Know is that Your Name is Mickey Mouse

"Life dies inside a person when there are no others willing to be-friend him. He thus gets filled with emptiness and a non-existent sense of self-worth.” ~ Mark R. J. Lavoie

Being fairly new to the cyber world, it has been quite interesting for me, this past year, to see how important some of the relationships forged online can become.
One of the things I have found most incredible is the way some people talk to others they meet online. Because of the benefit of anonymity – of the sender and receiver alike – harsh words are flung around and frustrations are set free, with not a moment spent thinking how those words affect the person they are directed to.

I originally thought the main reason was that people felt free to unleash their own anger without fear of public shame being attached to their real identity, but I also believe that many feel free to lash out and act childish because they don’t fully accept the fact that a live, breathing human being exists behind the screen name they attack. Online fighting becomes a game, an anonymous, interactive soap-opera we can be leading characters in. The assumption that everyone we virtually speak to lives a life similar to our own makes it easy to speak without thinking – after all, if one doesn’t like what’s being said, they can always turn the computer off and focus their attention elsewhere.

In a perfect world, it would make a lot of sense, but in true life each person lives a different reality, and there are people out there who have no other means to connect to others. The possibilities are endless – there are sick people who can’t leave their homes or even their bed, unemployed people who die inside at each rejection and go online to get their mind off their hardship, people in pain, people alone who don’t have the luxury of turning their computer off without being deafened by the echo of silence around them. To all these people, the internet is their rope and their hope, and even if their name is Daisy Duck or Green-eyed Monster, they feel and hurt, and rejoice just like anyone else.

So give this point a thought – if you are lucky enough to have friends, loved ones, a job to go to, transportation to get there, money to spend on silly things, and your health most of all, you have an extra reason to be kind to whomever you will encounter today, whether online or in real life. A little compassion and the right perspective go a long way, as what you have today could be gone tomorrow.
To those who are alone, those who need a kind word and feel the world has left them behind, I’d like to dedicate a video I watched just today.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti9THr9-L5w

We may never meet in real life, and our paths may only virtually cross, but I do care, no matter who you are. There are no bad people, only bad situations that make them numb, so here is my wish for you today – I wish that in this moment you don’t feel completely alone as you fight your battle. I may just be a screen name but I believe you are a worthy human being. Even if your name is Mickey Mouse.

Worry Away

“Worry is interest paid on a loan we may never receive” ~ Author Unknown


Knowing the type of worry warts my parents are – and realizing that my voice sounded awful and stuffy from a virus – I almost hoped they wouldn’t call me yesterday. Instead, nine o’ clock sharp, shortly after I got out of bed, the phone rang. It was my mother. Immediately following my throaty and stuffy hello, I heard a small gasp, and then…"what’s the matter with your voice?"

I proceeded to explain that I had probably caught a virus, and that’s when the question came. “Have you been to the doctor?” to which I replied that I hadn’t even been sick 24 hours, and it seemed a little premature to go to the doctor. “Oh my goodness, child” my mother exclaimed, “do you follow the news? The swine flu is spreading everywhere. How do you know it’s not that?”

In fairness to her, I don’t know for sure, but I could bet that if I was infected with something serious I would probably feel a little sicker than I do; if, instead, I was indeed infected with the dreaded virus and my symptoms were this bearable, I wouldn’t see the point to go to the doctor to start with – let that bad boy run its course and be done with it.

Of course, the sermon wasn’t over until I learned that two of her clients were also very sick and concerned right now, and even young people are a likely target.

When I hung up the phone I drew a breath of relief. It’s nice to know your parents love you and are concerned about your safety and wellbeing, but in all honesty, all that worry seems misplaced. 90% of the things we worry about rarely ever happen; if we are unfortunate enough to run into the 10% that actually manifests, we have likely spent so much time and energy worrying about the problem ahead of time, that when we truly need to gather our strength and map a plan of action, we are spent and unable to think clearly.

Personally, I refuse to give in to worry. If – and I repeat if – something is due to happen, I will cross the bridge when I get there. Until then, I will live in peace, albeit a little sick. And if I get any worse, it’s not like the doctor is moving away and my time is running out; I’ll go in if the need seems real.

So, until I get better, I will continue to drink plenty of fluids and get extra rest, which for a parent of three kids always on the run is not a bad deal after all. And am I worried? As Arthur Somers Roche once said, “worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged it cuts a channel in which all thoughts are drained.”

Right now, as I watch my kids scramble around making me hot tea and toast, my thoughts are far too rewarding to let them drain away.

Blog for Hope - Golo Yard Sale on 09/12

Good morning everybody!

Blog for Hope will be hosting a yard sale to benefit families who are experiencing hardship due to the shaky economic conditions. The event will be held on September 12 between 8am and 12pm at the parking lot of Eastgate Shell, 4043 Wake Forest Rd in Raleigh NC.

If you have items you would like to donate fto the sale, please get in touch with me at lunanera@netzero.net and please include "Golo yard sale" on the subject line. No attachments, please.

Have a wonderful, relaxing weekend, and always remember that if everyone gives a thread a poor man will have a shirt.

Blessings to all!

One for The Books - How a Young Man Beat the Odds and Built a New Life for Himself

"Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done it's always your choice."~ Wayne dyer


Dwayne Betts grew up in Suitland, Md, a mildly rough suburb of Washington DC, where for several of his teen years he walked the fine line between a honest life and one of crime – although he was a promising student, he hung around with the wrong crowd, experimented with light drugs even if he never sold them, rode in stolen cars but didn't steal them himself until a fateful night in 1996, when in a “moment of insanity”, as he calls it, he made the wrong decision and carjacked a man outside a mall.

He admitted his guilt, was charged as an adult and sentenced to nine years behind bars. He spent his time in prison reading everything he could put his hands on, and once he finished serving his sentence, he attended college, and earned a bachelor degree from the University of Maryland. He also started a reading club for young men and wrote a 237-page memoir entitled “A Question of Freedom”. His mission is to create reading programs for young inmates, hoping that the power of the written word will touch their lives as much as it touched his. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/01/AR2006100101160.html

Dwayne Betts is seen as an inspiration for trouble youths, but on a larger scale he can be considered a role model for most of us. Regardless of individual circumstances, most of us have made poor choices at one time or another and engaged in acts we have regretted dearly, but few have actually used those consequences to better themselves.

Whenever reactions catch up with actions, we have one choice to make – we can allow past transgressions to get the best of us by knocking down our spirit and let us roll in a puddle of self-pity and guilt, or we can take stock of reality, and use the tools we have available to us to rise against all odds.

Dwayne Betts could have chosen to beat himself up for the poor choices he made - and could have continued to wallow in the pain he had inflicted on those who loved him and suffered because of his actions - but if he had done so he would be just another statistic, a repeat offender who can’t move from the stump because he doesn’t believe he has other options.

Instead, he never felt cornered because he saw his escape in books. He accepted he had done wrong, paid his price and found the silver lining in the cloud; now he is enjoying the rewards of his inner strength.

All situations, no matter how negative they appear, can be turned into positives – all it takes is to make a conscious choice to not be defeated.

Living One Life at a Time - A Reflection Upon Allowing Others to Make their Own Mistakes

“Letting go doesn't mean we don't care. Letting go doesn't mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible--controlling that which we cannot--and instead, focus on what is possible--which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness,
and love, as much as possible.” ~ Melody Beattie


I read a wonderful article on the News & Observer yesterday, in which a mother described how hard it had been for her to allow her children to work on their projects without becoming involved, even if it meant that the projects turned out far from perfect.

Their journey began a few years before, when they joined a series of free kids workshops offered by Home Depot. After the first workshop, the mother was not too sure things had gone as well as she had hoped – little fingers were smashed, the bird house the kids had built was falling apart, and clothes were ruined by wood glue – yet, as time passed, the kids learned important skills.

The hardest thing during the workshops, the mother explained, was to sit back and watch the kids make mistakes without intervening; the greatest lesson, she realized, had been her own – it didn’t matter if the projects weren’t perfect; what mattered was that the children were learning how to read instructions and use tools more efficiently. Mom’s input was not needed.

Allowing others to make their own mistakes is probably one of the greatest challenges we can ever face. Especially in the case of people we love, we wish we could live their lives for them when we feel they are not doing a good job of it on their own, so that we could “fix” their mistakes and help them live a happier existence.

Each of us has a different path to follow, which is not always for others to understand. Even if all we find at the end of the path we chose is misery, we have the right to make those mistakes and learn from them.

Letting go of the control we wish to have on the lives of others is, in many ways, synonymous of letting go of judgment. We can’t expect to understand the many reasons behind the choices others make, just as we can’t truly know what is best for them; all we can do is accept their choices as their own right, and move on with our own lives. We can only live one life at a time – ours or other people’s.

We can’t control the way someone else feels or acts, but we do have ownership on whether we allow their choices to affect our immediate world. By focusing less on what others do, and more on what we choose for ourselves, we can grow in ways we didn’t think possible, and the weight we carry for them is suddenly lifted.

We can’t change others, but we can change ourselves. And by letting others follow their own destiny we might be pleasantly surprised in the end.

The Singer with a Fat Voice

“Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by.” ~ John Sales


Yesterday morning I was working on one of my sites while my daughter was drawing a picture beside me. Since I had turned on the sound on my laptop earlier to listen to a song, the soundtrack of the novel video trailer came on. Without even lifting her eyes from the paper, Morgan said: “I like that song mommy. Is that guy fat like a teddy bear?”
Caught by surprise at the random question, I asked her what she meant, so she looked up at the screen and said again: “Where is the guy who is singing the song? I think he is big like my teddy bear.”

Since the only images on the video are related to scenes in the novel and don’t show the song performer, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJPL1wqlV_Y her assumption gave me food for thought. Why would a four-year-old think someone is overweight just from hearing a voice in a video, if she had no visual trigger that would support that assumption? I showed her what the singer really looked like in another video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8CNmEUVDjE, and she seemed surprised - the image she had conjured in her mind and the actual person didn’t match at all.

One of the greatest flaws of human nature is to assume facts before we even bother to check if our impressions are aligned with reality. We create a mental picture of someone and seal it in our mind with the fire of prejudgment, ready to jump to unsupported conclusions that are nothing more than shaky speculations.

The fact that a four-year-old was ready to prejudge someone’s appearance from the sound of his voice suggests that this type of behavior is a product of nature rather than nurture - to my knowledge nobody has ever taught my daughter that large men have throaty voices and small men don’t. If nature is at fault, it is twice as important to condition ourselves to never assume and prejudge, at least until we have gathered evidence to support our assumptions.

I believe this concept applies to most areas in our lives. Stereotyping leads to undesirable and unwarranted drama, and it explains nothing about the unique personalities of the people we encounter. When we meet anyone, we should only be clear on one thing: we know nothing about them, and prejudging an individual’s potential, character or lifestyle can only blind our ability to see the real person standing in front of us.

By conjuring a mental image we feel in control and less vulnerable to surprises. We are naturally inclined to categorize and label our experiences, and we are afraid to give strangers the benefit of a blank board, even if what we rationalize is not necessarily reality.

After watching the two videos, Morgan went back to her picture, not giving this matter any further thought, but I hope that some day – when the time comes for her to step out into the world – she will benefit from having learned that what we assume is not always what is.

Individuality as an Asset

“A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.” ~ Oscar Wilde


Yesterday afternoon, as I sat with my son to work on some Algebra problems, I scanned through the math workbook and tried explaining the different steps he should follow. He was lost at first, so I solved one of the problems and hoped that he would see the pattern. He looked at it for a minute, then grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something down. I hadn’t the foggiest idea of what he was doing, but when he finished the result was the same as mine. I gave him two other problems, and I solved them myself separately – once again, the results matched. When I looked at the steps he had taken, they made absolute sense, although I probably would not have followed that same path to get to the solution. The way he processed the problem was not a conventional one, yet it led to correct results.

Each of us is an original, and thus we cannot be replicated. We spend large portions of our lives trying to be someone else just to belong, and if we can’t identify with our fellow humans through a similarity of appearance or thought we feel like the proverbial oddball, and often doubt our self-worth.

We can never truly be like the person in front of us, or like the one behind us for that matter, simply because they are not us. The way we live our lives - and the path we follow to seek a solution - are not better or worse than others, they are just different; they are our way, our unique approach.

One of the greatest evils of societies is the tendency to sacrifice individuality in favor of the collective good, but a society without free thinking is nothing more than an assembly line spitting out generalized concepts. In order to evolve, great minds must be allowed to unlock their hidden potential. What counts is the final result, not the path we have chosen to get to destination. Each of us is important and irreplaceable, and we should honor our individuality, instead than feeling inferior or superior because we are doing things differently than anyone else.

Similarly, we must respect the uniqueness of others, and their contribution to the whole. As Oscar Wilde so eloquently said: “A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be red and roses.”

So be who you are, always. Respect that in the greater scheme of things you are one-of-a-kind and you are exactly who and what you need to be, at the very place and time you need to be there. Just because your potential is not visible at this moment doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but rather it means that it probably won’t unlock until you use a different key.